During the last couple of days of July and first couple of days in August 2010 I was at Camp Do More, Chalene Johnson's camp full with workouts, fashion, and talks. I was in the middle of the loss I talked about last post and this helped a lot in healing, especially the talks. It was like every talk was directed towards me and the situation. I was also able to talk about it to my trip companion at length and just being able to talk about it helped start the healing process.
I got sick during camp and by the last day I wasn't even going to the workouts. From the hotel there I joined a 60 Days to Diamond group (long story, Beachbody related) but the important thing is that I underwent a three-day cleanse of 800 calories a day. And it was then that I learned that my body doesn't respond well to cleanses or low-calorie. I need FOOD. But it was around that time that the dizziness and vertigo started, and to this day it hasn't let up. It comes and goes, I have good days and bad days (today is a bad, no exercise day) and I've had to control food in order to still met my goals, eat enough, and not exercise some days.
I had blood tests drawn and my doctor said I was hypoglycemic (59 fasting) and told me to eat more and exercise less. A doctor actually told me to eat more and exercise less. How many times do you hear doctors say that? And say that TO ME. It's absurd, and if you had told me that 16 months ago I wouldn't have believed you.
But I didn't want to do that so I modified what I ate and have the episodes under control for the most part, and my down days are few and far apart. And the good days are GOOD. So I pretty much show up and give it my all and on days without vertigo or dizziness I'm like a kid in a candy store when I exercise because I get full use of my body. I used to say that I was lucky that my body followed me everywhere. It doesn't anymore. But I still follow my credo: Do what you can, when you can. And when I can, I enjoy the hell out of it.
I'm still undergoing tests to see what's going on. Work in progress. I've had to become my own advocate and research and go back with test codes so that the doctor can write me lab slips. This whole journey has made me a bit more assured of myself.
So on dizzy days I stay home and read or watch TV (I can't even get out of bed, I stumble standing up). And I rest and sleep. And on good days I work out 2-4 hours. I still go to group classes but I take it down instead of up. What I can, when I can.
Most of the time if I don't turn or bend over I can take a group class without much difficulty, and I found I can take spin while sick or dizzy just by holding on very tight to the handlebars to keep me on top of the bike.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Losing the reason to run - and gaining it back (July-August 2010).
Something happened in July 2010. What happened is not going to the focus of this post, but rather what emerged from it. I used to run for other people. When I ran, I didn't run for me. I ran because other people thought I could run, because other people believed in me. I'd picture other people running alongside me or holding a rope pulling me forward. I was very extrinsic when it came to running. It didn't come from inside, it came from outside. But outside sources of motivation are not always available. What do you do in that situation? And that's exactly the kind of situation I found myself in on July 2010. I almost stopped running. I almost stopped doing triathlons. And I had to decide. Who, and what, was I running for? I decided I had to change. I couldn't run "for" other people anymore. I had to run for me. When it came down to the line, I had to be enough. I had to be able to go out there "alone" and make it because of me, not because of someone else. And I really changed in July and August 2010 and I switched from running extrinsically to running intrinsically, and I decided the strength and determination to run had to come from inside, not outside. Motivation and pep talks and people who believe in you are of course wonderful and always welcome, but first and foremost, you have to believe in yourself.
I suffered a loss that month (not from death, call it geographically moving away). And it was 13 months after my dad died (which, by the way, I'm probably not over it; I'm probably still in denial over that one.... nothing I can do but wait it out). So I told myself, look what happened when dad died. You transformed your life. Not on purpose, but it happened. You took this huge loss and turned it into the most wonderful thing you ever did for yourself. So how can you take this current situation and make it into something good? It was at that point that I started embracing mistakes because they just showed me what not to do next time. I was always one of those people paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes. But I've found that you can learn more when things DON'T go your way.
So those were two major shifts I underwent in late July early August, and they have shaped who I'm becoming tremendously. And it's all part of the journey. I don't know where it leads, but I know I'm enjoying the hell out of the ride. And now I'm starting to understand motivation. Why get out there in 100+ degree weather and attempt to run 50 miles? Because it's hard and overcoming it builds character and it makes you fight against all your fears and insecurities. In essence, every obstacle you overcome makes you a better person.
I suffered a loss that month (not from death, call it geographically moving away). And it was 13 months after my dad died (which, by the way, I'm probably not over it; I'm probably still in denial over that one.... nothing I can do but wait it out). So I told myself, look what happened when dad died. You transformed your life. Not on purpose, but it happened. You took this huge loss and turned it into the most wonderful thing you ever did for yourself. So how can you take this current situation and make it into something good? It was at that point that I started embracing mistakes because they just showed me what not to do next time. I was always one of those people paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes. But I've found that you can learn more when things DON'T go your way.
So those were two major shifts I underwent in late July early August, and they have shaped who I'm becoming tremendously. And it's all part of the journey. I don't know where it leads, but I know I'm enjoying the hell out of the ride. And now I'm starting to understand motivation. Why get out there in 100+ degree weather and attempt to run 50 miles? Because it's hard and overcoming it builds character and it makes you fight against all your fears and insecurities. In essence, every obstacle you overcome makes you a better person.
The Aftermath From The Marathon (6/26/10-October 2010).
I finished the marathon, got in the car, and drove home. It was time to go to work. I had taken Friday night off in order to sleep for the marathon but I hadn't taken Saturday night off. I was hoping to finish with enough time to sleep a few hours. I finished in 9 hours and 15 minutes, or at 7:15pm or so. I work at 9:15p. It takes about an hour to get home and 15 minutes to get to work. I got home, and I knew I wasn't going to go to work that day. In retrospect, I have no idea how I thought I could do my first marathon and then go to work. Looking back, it's laughable. Live and learn.
By the time I got home I started to hurt. I think what really messed up my recovery was the sunburn. I had the sunburn from hell (from running Running with the Devil without sunscreen). There are so many things I could have done without the sunburn: Touch my skin, massage, go into the jacuzzi, stretch, etc. I couldn't touch my body. It was a sunburn so bad I was shaking uncontrollably. There were blisters and peeling galore and I think it took two weeks to subside. The sunburn along with the aches and pain made it painful to walk, sit, lay, anything, really. I could only lay on one side, not on my back. I could not make contact with my calves, it hurt too much. It took me 10-20 minutes to make it up the stairs and lay in bed, and then I called in sick. Then I had to go to the bathroom. Because of the sunburn it was an ordeal to get into and out of bed. I strongly considered wetting the bed. I could always change the sheets. It took me 10 minutes to work up the courage to go to the bathroom. I couldn't sit properly on the toilet because of the sunburn. By now my legs were starting to really hurt because of the run and it hurt to stand up, sit down, walk. I hobbled, and poorly at that. I was a mess. I was not expecting that. It was then that I realized I had finally met my match. And I had finally done it. I had finally broken myself.
I somehow went to sleep that night, Saturday night. And Sunday I stayed home all day in bed on one side only trying to move as little as possible trying to let the body heal. I did go to work Sunday night. I don't know how I managed to wear pants. I almost didn't, work dress code be damned. Monday I got the bright idea of taking an aqua class. Because of the sunburn, the jacuzzi was out of the question. And I don't know why I got the idea in my head of taking an aqua class, I just did. And I got in the pool. Suzi was teaching, my first class with Suzi. When I got out an hour later, my hobbling started resembling a walk. I was almost walking normally. It healed me tremendously. Next marathon I'm getting into a pool as soon as possible after the event. It was the most wonderful thing ever. I credit Suzi and her aqua class in getting me to walk normally again. Tuesday, another aqua class. Getting better and better, able to sit and stand better. Wednesday, spin. It hurt at the beginning but it was like getting creaky gears turning again, the more they turned, the better they turned. It was literally rehabbing myself, like my body needed to learn how to move again, like it forgot how to move.
And I experienced the most curious thing ever. I couldn't run. I would think, ok, Debbie, RUN!! And I would inch forward and .... nothing. I think I wasn't able to run until Thursday and it was only a mild trot for a few paces. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. I lost the ability to run. It was like my body was scared of running, like it thought that if it ran for me again I would put it through another marathon. If you ever watched Speed Racer (the cartoons), there's an episode where SR crashes and gets scared of racing and Pops straps him to a chair making him watch a racing simulator while SR sweats. That's how it was. Especially with cycle, I think cycle got me running again because it taught my body how to get used to that sense of speed again. It was really like I knew what steps to follow to rehab myself, as everything I did helped inch me along to recovery.
There is one thing that I didn't get back for a long time, and that was the mile in boot camp. In a sense I never got it back. I've written how I started running that mile in the back of the pack and I even got there first on occasion, but mostly towards the front. After the marathon, I was next to last every single time or last. I lost my mile. And I quit boot camp before getting it back. It wasn't until October 26th 2010 that I finally regained the pre-marathon pace of 5.7 MPH (previous had been 5.56 MPH) for an hour. It took me exactly 4 months to come back from the marathon. They say it takes a week to recover for every mile ran in your first marathon. I ran 14 and walked 12.2 and it took me 17 weeks to recover. Sounds about right. And right after that run I regained the ability to blog. Something happened inside that took four months to heal. I definitely bit more than I could chew.
It was right around this time that I really got hooked into marathons and triathlons (even broken as I was) and I wanted to do endurance events = 26+ miles. 50, 100, 250, etc. And I started adding a run before boot camp. But I found that my body couldn't take the high impact of boot camp after the run, or maybe I hadn't healed properly yet. But I suffered. I hobbled. I hurt. And my last day of boot camp I was going DOWN towers barely able to move in a down incline and I just stopped and cried. I couldn't do that to myself any longer. I had to choose, triathlons or boot camp. Triathlons won. And so I quit book camp four short months after I started.
It is now October 30th, 2010, and I'm battling a flu, but I'm reading The Long Run by Matthew Long. It's very inspiring. I WILL do a Half Iron in 2011 and a Full Iron in 2012 or sooner. And one day I will run a full marathon. I have two Halfs coming up, at Valley of Fire on 11/20/10 (why do I always pick sites with hot imagery to them?) and the Las Vegas Rock n Roll on 12/05/10. Then let 2011 begin.
By the time I got home I started to hurt. I think what really messed up my recovery was the sunburn. I had the sunburn from hell (from running Running with the Devil without sunscreen). There are so many things I could have done without the sunburn: Touch my skin, massage, go into the jacuzzi, stretch, etc. I couldn't touch my body. It was a sunburn so bad I was shaking uncontrollably. There were blisters and peeling galore and I think it took two weeks to subside. The sunburn along with the aches and pain made it painful to walk, sit, lay, anything, really. I could only lay on one side, not on my back. I could not make contact with my calves, it hurt too much. It took me 10-20 minutes to make it up the stairs and lay in bed, and then I called in sick. Then I had to go to the bathroom. Because of the sunburn it was an ordeal to get into and out of bed. I strongly considered wetting the bed. I could always change the sheets. It took me 10 minutes to work up the courage to go to the bathroom. I couldn't sit properly on the toilet because of the sunburn. By now my legs were starting to really hurt because of the run and it hurt to stand up, sit down, walk. I hobbled, and poorly at that. I was a mess. I was not expecting that. It was then that I realized I had finally met my match. And I had finally done it. I had finally broken myself.
I somehow went to sleep that night, Saturday night. And Sunday I stayed home all day in bed on one side only trying to move as little as possible trying to let the body heal. I did go to work Sunday night. I don't know how I managed to wear pants. I almost didn't, work dress code be damned. Monday I got the bright idea of taking an aqua class. Because of the sunburn, the jacuzzi was out of the question. And I don't know why I got the idea in my head of taking an aqua class, I just did. And I got in the pool. Suzi was teaching, my first class with Suzi. When I got out an hour later, my hobbling started resembling a walk. I was almost walking normally. It healed me tremendously. Next marathon I'm getting into a pool as soon as possible after the event. It was the most wonderful thing ever. I credit Suzi and her aqua class in getting me to walk normally again. Tuesday, another aqua class. Getting better and better, able to sit and stand better. Wednesday, spin. It hurt at the beginning but it was like getting creaky gears turning again, the more they turned, the better they turned. It was literally rehabbing myself, like my body needed to learn how to move again, like it forgot how to move.
And I experienced the most curious thing ever. I couldn't run. I would think, ok, Debbie, RUN!! And I would inch forward and .... nothing. I think I wasn't able to run until Thursday and it was only a mild trot for a few paces. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. I lost the ability to run. It was like my body was scared of running, like it thought that if it ran for me again I would put it through another marathon. If you ever watched Speed Racer (the cartoons), there's an episode where SR crashes and gets scared of racing and Pops straps him to a chair making him watch a racing simulator while SR sweats. That's how it was. Especially with cycle, I think cycle got me running again because it taught my body how to get used to that sense of speed again. It was really like I knew what steps to follow to rehab myself, as everything I did helped inch me along to recovery.
There is one thing that I didn't get back for a long time, and that was the mile in boot camp. In a sense I never got it back. I've written how I started running that mile in the back of the pack and I even got there first on occasion, but mostly towards the front. After the marathon, I was next to last every single time or last. I lost my mile. And I quit boot camp before getting it back. It wasn't until October 26th 2010 that I finally regained the pre-marathon pace of 5.7 MPH (previous had been 5.56 MPH) for an hour. It took me exactly 4 months to come back from the marathon. They say it takes a week to recover for every mile ran in your first marathon. I ran 14 and walked 12.2 and it took me 17 weeks to recover. Sounds about right. And right after that run I regained the ability to blog. Something happened inside that took four months to heal. I definitely bit more than I could chew.
It was right around this time that I really got hooked into marathons and triathlons (even broken as I was) and I wanted to do endurance events = 26+ miles. 50, 100, 250, etc. And I started adding a run before boot camp. But I found that my body couldn't take the high impact of boot camp after the run, or maybe I hadn't healed properly yet. But I suffered. I hobbled. I hurt. And my last day of boot camp I was going DOWN towers barely able to move in a down incline and I just stopped and cried. I couldn't do that to myself any longer. I had to choose, triathlons or boot camp. Triathlons won. And so I quit book camp four short months after I started.
It is now October 30th, 2010, and I'm battling a flu, but I'm reading The Long Run by Matthew Long. It's very inspiring. I WILL do a Half Iron in 2011 and a Full Iron in 2012 or sooner. And one day I will run a full marathon. I have two Halfs coming up, at Valley of Fire on 11/20/10 (why do I always pick sites with hot imagery to them?) and the Las Vegas Rock n Roll on 12/05/10. Then let 2011 begin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)