Monday: Goal 1525 Apple slices (240), cheese wrap (250), egg (200), protein drink (190), 2 X protein bar (420), fruit drink (120), apple slices (105), total 1525 (!!)
Tuesday: Goal 1625 Apple slices (105), turkey breast footlong on rye (560), cheese wrap (250), chicken and rice (396), apple slices (240), protein drink (190), total 1741
Redoing my food, reached 161 lbs, going to adjust down to 160 lbs, 1600 a day.
1500
1600
1700
1800
1700
1600
1500
1628 average calories a day.
Wednesday: Goal 1700 Apple slices (240), Cheese wrap (250), chicken and rice (340), pistacchios (170), IHOP healthy menu item (440), protein drink (190), total 1630
Thursday: Goal: 1800 Protein bar X 2 (220), Apple slices (240), Pistacchios (170), Chicken and rice X 2 (680), was supposed to have 300 calories more but fell asleep while deciding what to have for dinner, total 1510 calories
Friday: Goal: 1700
I have to get swimming this week, I just have to get on the water just once. Thinking that on Wednesday I'll just go to the pool and do the 32 laps and see where I'm at, because if I can already do the 32 laps I'll just do them once a week and have it done 16 times by triathlon day. Swimming is the least of my worries, and I'm not worried about cycling, and Danny (24HF cycling instructor) estimated I do 20K in a spinning class and the triathlon is 30K, so I'm not worried about it at all, plan to just go 32K in a real park in about 2 weeks and see how it goes. My weak point was the running and I have been training these past two weeks on that. There's just no time!! (and I'm not about to lower the amount of GX classes I do).
I don't know if I mentioned that I got cycling shoes. Lucky brand (that's the actual name of the brand, Lucky). Blue, my favorite color, and it matches my helmet!! Now the clip for gym bikes and for real bikes are different, and most people just buy two pairs of shoes, if not you have to keep on switching the clip adapters every time you switch (and it involves a screw), and I don't see myself doing that. But when I went in to Danny's store a helper was disassembling a bike, and Danny said that he could sell me the pedals for $40 instead of the $180 new ones go for, and these were old-school pedals that were the same as spin bikes, so now the shoes fit BOTH the gym and real bikes!!
Tried them out at Dallas' yesterday. One time I was standing and one shoe just came off. The other time I was sitting and both just came right off. I think I'm inadvertently pushing my feet outwards, activating the release mechanism. After they flew off the second time, I focused on keeping my feet pushing inwards and they didn't come off again.
MONDAY 9a Sahara TurboKick Michelle 55/502/40, 170/90, 144/76
MONDAY Noon Agassi Lift Rachel 53/234/60, 135/71, 105/56
MONDAY 4:30p Cheyenne SET Kathy 50/332/55, 162/86, 122/65
MONDAY 6.00p Agassi Zumba Linda 59/504/45, 159/84, 139/74
I'm pulling in lower numbers in Zumba and TKB since I got the gloves, but not sweating it as long as I edge 500 out of it. SET was low because I think I was just tired. Lift has been low the last couple of times... more weight?
I've been reading about good cycle form on the Internet and the reason that the instructors keep saying to push the heels down is because if not the top of the foot becomes numb. I hadn't experienced that with regular shoes/harnesses. But I definitely did with the spin shoes, the top of my feet became numb sometime around the middle of class, much harder to keep heels down with them, will have to work on that and on keeping them clipped in.
Kelly's TKB last Saturday was the first class I wore my weighted (0.75 lbs each hand) gloves to, and Linda's Zumba tonight was the first Zumba I wore them to. It definitely adds to the workout and I plan on using them for TKB and Zumba. Once I lose the stomach and can kick properly for a couple of months, I plan on adding ankle weights. Zumba wasn't falling-down hard, but TKB was. I've been taking TKB for 4.5 months now so I know I can get through any class no matter what they throw at me. But with the gloves it feels like I won't make it through the class, and I love that, because it makes the experience brand-new again, like the first time I ever took TKB, but different at the same time because now I'm a "veteran." So I'm really enjoying it. Can't wait until I use the ankle weights. With all this upper body toning, that pull-up bar doesn't stand a chance!!
I don't know if I mentioned this but I tried the assisted pull-ups after my run on Sunday. Before I was 166 and I could do with an assist of 100 lbs but not with an assist of 85 lbs, meaning I could lift 66 lbs. This week I'm at 162.5 lbs and I can do 85 lbs half-way, so maybe 92 lbs assist or so, meaning I can lift around 70.5 lbs, so I'm going up a bit. In 1-2 weeks I should be able to lift all the way with 85, with a combination of losing weight and gaining muscle. The weighted gloves should speed that up. This may go faster than expected and I think June is realistic for being able to do an unassisted pull-up.
So I went through a three-week plateau in which my weight didn't move, and then it starts moving again about a week ago. Then yesterday I "met" someone on Facebook who was asking how to get through a three-week plateau. Coincidence?!?! I think for me the zig-zagging did it, thanks to brilliant Debbie the other Debbie of Wednesday spin class.
I just looked at what this week's running includes: Warm up, then run for 90 secs, walk for 90 secs, run for THREE MINUTES, walk for three minutes, repeat once more. I have to run for three minutes. What's funny is that as soon as I read repeat the following two times, the first thing that popped into my head was Kathy's voice saying "You can do anything twice." So I guess I'll keep repeating that in my head during the six minutes of the two runs. This week I have to change my Definition to be someone who can run for three minutes straight. I don't think I can do it, but does that really matter lately, whether I think I can do something or not? It goes back to so many things have happened that it really doesn't matter whether I can do something or not, I just do it.
I do find myself running a lot (I seem to be running almost late to stuff), and it's great to be able to move from point A to point B quickly.
TUESDAY 8a Ann TurboKick Michele 37/395/30, 173/92, 158/84
TUESDAY 9a Cheyenne TurboKick Rachel 61/507/45, 160/85, 140/74
TUESDAY 10a Cheyenne Pilates Rachel 61/190/60, 117/62, 91/48
TUESDAY 6:30p Craig TurboKick Donalin 53/511/40, 169/89, 148/78
Michele's still giving me the highest per-minute numbers, at 53 minutes it would have been 565 calories and at 61 it would have been 651. That trio in the morning was brutal because I kept the gloves on all the time, even for Pilates. I almost took them off many times, especially during Pilates, but I refused to. I actually was not looking forward to doing it again next week but I know how beneficial the gloves are being so I'm willing to work for it. I was glad I passed 500 with Donalin, I had an idea that I barely hit 500 without gloves (have to check the numbers) so the gloves would put me slightly under 500, but at the beginning of the class I told myself to think of that class as a 500+ class and it turned out that way.
I told myself yesterday (2:57a right now) that as soon as I started kicking high I would add ankle weights and I noticed a HUGE difference in my kicking yesterday. Maybe I just really want the ankle weights.
NOT looking forward to the three-minute running, I am majorly psyching myself out.
WEDNESDAY 8a Ann Cycle Dallas Forgot strap at home, calling it 500
WEDNESDAY 6:30p Craig Zumba Donalin 57/587 (BB 524)/35, 169/89, 155/82
It's funny because for the third time this week or so, I end up talking to someone about something I was thinking about the previous days. Today's topic is shyness vs. confidence. Deep down I'm not a shy person, once I get to know people I will talk anybody's ear off and I usually don't take myself too seriously. But in new situation I can get extremely shy. Someone mentioned how they were shy until they became more confident. And I find myself becoming much more outgoing, daring, and sure of myself because of Zumba. It's combating the negative body image losing weight gave me (I was happier with my body 50 lbs ago than now, where every little bump of fat is very noticeable). And something very important is that Zumba is allowing me to get to know my body and what it feels like and how it moves and what shape it is, but Zumba kind of forces you to be sure of yourself and comfortable with yourself in public. And the gym classes in general have given me a huge boost of self-confidence and I really find myself reaching out a lot more to people. I'm sure I'll have my shy moments (old habits die hard; life-long habits die harder), but each day I have more outgoing moments.
I "lost" my iPod Touch so I had to come back home to get it. Resting for half an hour then running it is. I am not psyched about those three minutes at all.
Thursday morning, 1/21/10, 12:10a
I have to add a new Definition, whether I'd like to or not: 3-Minute Runner.
It all started before Zumba class. I couldn't find the iPod Touch (it fell inside the recliner, I found out later when I remembered that so did the remote control), so I had to leave for Zumba. I kind of need the Touch because it has the running program. So I came back from Zumba and found it but lazily went to bed for 10 minutes, then half an hour. Then I didn't want to get out of bed. Then I fell asleep for a couple of hours or so and woke up close to 11p and decided to go for it and do it before the clock struck 12 (the gym's 10 minutes away and the run is just under half an hour). I felt a lot better after that power nap. So I left the house to go to the gym.
But let's focus on this a moment. I was in bed, and knew Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday are my running days and it's a structured three-times a week, no-two-days-in-a-row program, and that I'm training for a triathlon. And I didn't get out of bed. I failed, I didn't push myself. I went only when I felt good going, not when I felt I didn't want to. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but it's important to know that I'm not at the point yet where I will do things I don't like. That's why I wholeheartedly believe that if it wasn't for the group classes I wouldn't have stuck with it this long.
So I get to the gym and walk five minutes, then jog 1.5 minutes. I thought the main part of the program went 1.5, 1.5, 3, 3, I honestly did. So I start the second 1.5 run, and it's still going past the 1.5 minute mark, and right at 1.75 I realize that's the first 3-minute run, and that I'm almost a third of the way through. That's when Kathy "said" 'you can do anything for one minute.' It's nice to have memories of supportive people that you can call upon at will. So there I was, running for three minutes, and it felt great. Right before that second run I felt good and was looking forward to the three minutes with trepidation instead of fear. BIG difference. So I ran the three minutes. And when the second three minutes came around, *I* told myself I could do it, and smiled. Afterwards I even looked in the mirror and gave myself a shout-out by pointing to myself and smiling.
This is a turning point, because I'm beginning to think I can do anything (and by now I trust you know what I mean by that). I look forward to doing this again in two days.
THURSDAY Ann 8a SET Beth 57/384/55, 151/80, 123/65 (326)
THURSDAY Tropicana 10a Zumba Megan G. 63/593/40, 166/88, 147/78 (591)
THURSDAY Cheyenne Noon Lift Anita B. 56/244/60, 124/66, 103/55 (190)
THURSDAY Ann 5:30p Zumba Michele 59/564/40, 165/87, 148/78 (523)
THURSDAY Sahara 7:00p Zumba Donalin 55/511/40, 201/106, 145/77 (501)
First full day with the BodyBugg (1/21/2010) = BodyBugg estimate vs. my manual estimate.
BodyBugg = 3901 calories burned
(1510 calories consumed... I was supposed to consume 1800 calories but I fell asleep while deciding what to have for dinner).
5 classes. Here are the Polar numbers: (the number in parenthesis is how much the BB said I burned)
THURSDAY Ann 8a SET Beth 57/384/55, 151/80, 123/65 (326)
THURSDAY Tropicana 10a Zumba Megan G. 63/593/40, 166/88, 147/78 (591)
THURSDAY Cheyenne Noon Lift Anita B. 56/244/60, 124/66, 103/55 (190)
THURSDAY Ann 5:30p Zumba Michele 59/564/40, 165/87, 148/78 (523)
THURSDAY Sahara 7:00p Zumba Donalin 55/511/40, 201/106, 145/77 (501)
The difference is getting smaller. Could it be that the BB adapts to you and the Polar wasn't as far off as it seemed at the beginning? It started with a difference of 60 or so calories burned per class.
My own calculations, using the Polar data:
Current weight: 162.5 lbs
30.3 body fat %
290 minutes, 2296 gross calories, net calories = (2296 - (290*1.38 (see below))) = 2296-400 = 1896 net calories (so that I don't double count the calories because if I hadn't exercised, I would have still burned 400 calories, so I really just burned 1896 calories BECAUSE of the exercise).
per the 24 Hour Fitness online calculator, I burn 1985 calories (based on 162 lbs) a day at rest, 1.38 calories a minute.
1985 + 1896 = calories burned at rest + calories burned exercising = 3881
So the BodyBugg said I burned 3901 calories yesterday, and per my own calculations with the Polar like I've been doing I come up with 3881 calories. Difference of 20 calories.
FRIDAY 10a Tropicana TurboKick Beth 55/500/40, 172/91, 149/79
// ^-- I almost didn't find the chest strap and was going to rely on the BB. But I found it just in time and wore it and the BB reset itself towards the end of class. So much for not needing the Polar anymore, I would have been pissed if I hadn't had it!! //
FRIDAY 5:30p Tropicana Zumba Megan G. 63/584/45, 156/88, 145/77 (536)
Ran 3 minutes twice again. Still had to call on Kathy to get me through parts of the two minutes, but every time I did, I made sure to call on myself right afterwards in order to get used to it. Making myself think "Go Debbie, go!! You can do it." I already know I can do it. Sometimes it's harder to do something you know you can do than to do something you don't think you can do.
Have to run for FIVE MINUTES straight next week. I have to stop looking ahead.
I'm feeling beat up this week, especially the left ankle and the right knee. There's soreness and then there's pain. I feel sore ALL THE TIME (especially after Dallas' spinning classes), and soreness is fine and you can work through the soreness. Pain should be paid attention to and you should modify instead of working through pain. Working through pain leads to injury. So I guess it's good I'm moving starting tomorrow and limiting the gym to 2 classes a week... just 13 classes next week instead of 20.
I'm still fat and ashamed of the way I look. I went to Mary's class today (Megan was subbing) and whenever I go to a new class I feel I'm the fatty who has to prove herself. I hate the way I look, and wonder how I let myself go this way. I want to tell people not to judge the way I look now, that I'm skinny inside and the body just has to catch up. This is not me. I want to show them my fat picture (69 lbs ago, my heaviest) so that they understand. I wonder when the magic moment happens and you go, I'm skinny now.
SATURDAY 9a Agassi Lift Mai 49/203/60, 114/60, 101/53
SATURDAY 10a Agassi TurboKick Kelly 58/413/55, 153/81, 126/67
Don't have the BB #s recorded but it went lower on the Lift and higher on the TKB (first time the BB goes higher than the Polar).
A lot to write about today. Let's start with physical shape. My left ankle hurts when I walk, my right knee hurts sometimes depending on what I'm doing, both knees are making popping noises when flexed, and I am just exhausted. Today at TKB my body finally gave out. I didn't have anything left. I even took off my gloves towards the middle of the class. I failed. After telling someone else to wear the gloves and that they could make it through the whole class, I take mine off. I burned 100 calories less than usual. So I guess I finally come upon the question: What is the aftermath after failing?
There are two possible scenarios. #1: It was the 19th class of the week and I'd only been sleeping a handful (2-5) of hours a day. And I've been taking 11+ classes a week for about a month and a half now. #2: I just gave up when I had more left. That's the question, was that mental or physical exhaustion? Should I feel like I failed and be hard with myself or should I just chalk it up to being tired? But what is being tired? Is being tired a mental or a physical state, a little of each, or depends on the situation?
The most important question is, do I feel like a loser and derail or regroup and come back harder than ever? Or feel like a loser and then come back harder than ever? I wrote about how I failed to run when I didn't want to with the running. Is this preparation for something else? Is this preparation for the last five minutes of the triathlon when I have nothing left in me but I'll push through anyway? Do I need to feel like I failed now to keep from really failing later? Is this just one more step in the progression? Because I'll tell you, I feel like crap right now and I'll do anything from keeping from feeling like this again.
I think the move (starts today) came at a good time, if I didn't slow down now I could run the risk of injury, need to take it easier next week (which for me is 13 classes instead of 20... hey it's a start). Is this my body's way of preventing something more major? Am I really tired or was that just an excuse not to work out during that class? I wore my gloves during 14 of the previous 18 classes prior to Kelly's TKB (because I didn't wear them during the three Lifts and the SET, but I did wear them during Pilates). Is taking the gloves off during the middle of the 15th gloved class that week a failure? Maybe I just reached my limit, my limit is 14 gloved classes a week... this was my first real full week with them. So next time I just have to work up to 15 gloved classes a week.
This tiredness started a couple of days ago. And whatever I say here to stroke my ego doesn't diminish the sense of utter failure. I slept some today already and plan to sleep some more, then start moving (houses).
You know, losing weight is for the most part unglamorous. Sure you have the highs like halfway, healthy bloodwork, wearing smaller clothing, but most of the time it's just neutral and long. It's a long process. I think I'm stuck at another plateau at 162.5 but I'll just have to ride it out.
Debbie out.
SUNDAY 9a Sahara Cycle Dallas 59/552/40, 169/89, 147/78
I was able to go hard with Dallas today. Still not back to full form as I didn't feel "right," but able to push through. Right knee bothered me every time I stood up but I went a few slow reps and then I was able to use it normally. Bothered me while running too, a little bit of pain. Left ankle surprisingly doesn't bother me unless I specifically pay attention to it.
I still don't know what happened yesterday, but during's today run I was more tired than usual and it was harder than usual but I knew I would anything not to feel like yesterday again. I wish I could re-do yesterday and go full force. But what difference are we really talking about? Kelly+Dallas was 1030 last week and 965 this week. We're talking about a difference of 65 calories. Is it really worth it to get worked up over 65 calories?
But of course I know it's about more than that. I'm still trying to make sense of what happened yesterday. I gave up. I was scared, of what I don't know. I DO know of what I'm scared now. I still go to the classes because it's fun. But what happens when it ceases to be fun? What do I do then? I'm scared the classes will cease to be fun and I won't keep going to them, pretty much. But running is not fun and I'm doing. Well it is fun but it's hard work, and between Zumba and running, it's Zumba all the way.
The thing is that I don't know whether I reached mental exhaustion or physical exhaustion. I can do 20 classes a week no problem. But I added the gloves and I did 14 full gloved classes. So it's different this week. I think what may have happened is that I reached the edge, that edge between mental exhaustion and physical exhaustion, and gave up. I tasted that space that's like when your car turns on the low gas light, where you can still go a little bit further but you're almost out of gas. But I gave up. But I got there. So it's bittersweet. Next time I get there again I'll remember the feeling of utter failure and I'll go full force, renewed. I never want to feel like that again when it comes to exercising. It kept me going a bit today during the three minute runs. I told myself before the run that I wasn't going to stop, and I didn't. Kathy had to show up because I had no positive reinforcements left in me, and she held my hand that last minute. Surprising how much that helps. Next week I have to run five minutes. I did give myself another smiling shout-out in the mirror when I finished. Do you know how hard it is to do that in a gym full of people without anybody noticing?
Everything that has happened has built up to something else, so I'm not completely sure yesterday wasn't supposed to happen as part of the plan. I just wish I knew what the plan was. If failing one class makes me renew and go harder than ever before, isn't it worth it? If yesterday's feeling makes me finish the triathlon without stopping, wasn't it worth it? I just wish I could have done yesterday AND whatever is coming. But maybe this is the way it's supposed to be.
Debbie out.
Sunday night - another vague reference, but I think my life changed today. Again.
