Linda told me how she was in a Spin class and it got hard and she thought, What would Debbie do? So there I am on the bike thinking, ok, where's the Debbie that lost 75 lbs? Because that's the Debbie that's going to ride this bike back. I have no excuses now, I have seen what I can do and I won't accept anything less. Whenever something gets tough, I call that Debbie out to bring it home. There's a part of me that will not let -ANYTHING- get in her way. I can tap into an endless well of strength when I need it. And John, who subbed one of Dallas' classes one day, gave me the greatest imagery of all - imagine your legs being pistons. Metal pistons, up, down, up, down, never get tired. That's what I did. So I made it back. And that night was the first time I physically felt sick after exercising. I usually feel sore but not sick. That night I felt sick to my stomach and woozy. I hadn't drank anything during the ride because I planned a quick ride so I didn't take water with me. I hadn't planned on going all gung-ho on the ride (which by the way is about 14 miles, 7 to the dead-end and 7 back).
On Thursday I decided to do it again, on a parallel street, which is about the same, 7 miles there to the dead-end, 7 miles back (which is about 160 streets total). Drank a protein drink and ate a protein bar beforehand and drank 32 oz of water. Took 16 pz of water with me. Hydrated and ate afterwards. And I didn't feel sick I felt MUCH better. I think the hills were less but steeper, both streets are a challenge. I'd rather find a level street because I hate going downhill because you're not working it, so maybe next time I will no north-south instead of west-east. When I got out of the bike my legs felt like putty and I thought about running a mile to prepare for the Tri transition but decided to do that next time.
See, it doesn't matter what you do. You want to try something out, do it!! Then you learn what works and what doesn't and you adjust. Like hiking with just a liter of water and no food, never again. 4 liter and a handful of protein bars next time, cell phone, camera. But just go for it and see what works and what doesn't and then go from there.
On Wednesday I had boot camp and then the riding then Zumba then swam 64 laps straight, 63 minutes. Bit winded at the end, first time I did that with no breaks. That was a great day. Then Thursday boot camp, then the biking, then two Zumbas. I'm getting more winded during Zumbas and TKB, I don't know if it's because I'm getting in good enough shape that I can kick it up a notch. That's what I like to think, anyway. And the whole boot camp experience has me going harder at any kind of exercise. Anita came for cardio day on Tuesday which involved a lot of running, some hiking, and sprints. 24HF - 2, boot camp - 0. I got a yes and a maybe to try out Zumba at the gym.
Today just boot camp and sleeping before going to work early today. Ran a lot at boot camp. Have a timed 5K tomorrow and plan to do some swimming, then Sunday my mini-triathlon (500 m, 23K, 5K) to celebrate 10 months of working out. That will round the week. Maybe a Zumba tomorrow with Olga.
Here are some postings from Facebook carried over with stuff I've been thinking about:
In response to why I hadn't weighed myself since 4/7 and I didn't intend to until 5/3:
I did it because someone made me lol. But I don't want to be thin, I want to be fit. Within a couple of months or sooner I hope to not even keep running calories tallys in my head and juse eat what I want when I want and exercise the same way. I use food and rest to push my body beyond its limit, so I pretty much eat to exercise. I am neveragain putting on the BodyBugg, it is off for good. Once you're really in sync with your body, it will tell you what it needs and when. And like someone said, I DO enjoy exercise more now that it's not all about numbers. Pretty much just go out there and live and enjoy life. Off to the pool, more later :)
But seriously, isn't calorie-counting just swapping one prison for another? You go from being a prisoner of your fat to being a prisoner of a number on a LED display. What's the point of all this, really? Isn't it to enhance our quality of life? Not to just replace one chain for another. I'm all for gadgets that measure performance (i.e. cadence, time, etc.) as training tools, but I'm beginning to be really anti-calorie counting. The point of all this is to LIVE.
I'm sure I'm a bit OCD (I can see some people rolling their eyes at "bit" lol). Not the hand-washing kind, mostly anything to do with numbers and calculations and grouping items by similarity :) (I once went to a Christmas party and almost rearranged the cupcakes into red and green until I stopped myself with "Debbie, that's too much OCD even foryou"). Another time I set up for an instructor before she came into the room and when she came she asked "Debbie did you do that?" and I said no. She stood there and looked at the perfectly arranged row of weights by size and color and then looked at MY perfectly arranged row of weights by size and color, and said no one else would set them up that carefully lol
But the BodyBugg, calorie-counting, is right my alley and I can spend hours on it. Body fat %, inches, pounds, it's like a kid in a candy store. So it's actually HARD for me to walk away from all of it, but it must be done and it's probably good for me in the long run :)
Speaking of OCD I was a big-time germaphobe and because of boot camp I dropped a piece of chocolate on the ground and used the 3-second rule lol Other than grabbing handles through my shirt (because I don't trust people wash their hands properly), everything else is out the window. My niece calls me Monk =) (or used to) Now I'm lucky if the weights stay in the general vicinity of the bench :)
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So something weird happened about 2-3 days ago. I was driving to boot camp and I was feeling depressed and I said out loud to my depression "Go F yourself, I have no time for you today" and literally, physically, flipped it the bird. And IT WENT AWAY. I was blown away. If I knew it was going to be that easy I would have done that a long time ago!! And then I tried it a second time the next day and it worked, and a third time today and it worked again!!
When you're depressed for a long period of time you never really think "Oh, the depression is gone." Because it always comes back, sooner or later, and you don't want to build your hopes up to have them crashing down. When I went through that period of nine months that ended about two weeks ago with pretty much just two little bouts of a few hours each of depression, I never once thought the depression was gone. There's just two states - depressed now or not depressed now. And you take it a day at a time. So I'm not about to say I beat the depression and I don't know how long that little trick will last or how long it will hold up but I'm just happy it worked today. I'll take a depression-less today any day of the week. It worked today, and that's all that matters. And there I am driving with the biggest smile on my face.
I really feel I was given a second chance at life. And I wake up every morning grateful that I get to live out this life. Grateful and in awe, really, like what did I do to deserve this? This hasn't been an individual effort. It has been a team effort. There have been so many people that have been a part of this, and I literally owe my life to them. I just hope I can do the same for others. And I'm a long way from done, but I'm on my way.
Here's something I wrote about the whole working out mentality and put on Facebook:
Well, I gave in. The weight loss thing is out of the window. Started thinking like an athlete today. Have my first triathlon on Saturday (less than 10 months after being obese and when exercise consisted of lifting the remote and the three food groups were Bagel Bites, Pizza Rolls, and Hot Pockets).
Still freaking out a bit over the no measuring/weighing. I get my weight, body fat %, and measurements on Monday, right after the triathlon. If the numbers are better than 4/1 (and the weight anything less than 140.5 lbs), I plan to completely forget about calories for the month of May and just eat what I normally eat and just exercise for fun. Then I will compare 4/1 and 5/1. I don't think I can ever go back to the BodyBugg, I think I will just keep adjusting until I don't have to think about anything and still lose weight and gain muscle.
I got the VitaMix to start drinking my vegetables, both in soup and smoothie form. But I'm not doing that for the next two weeks, because you shouldn't experiment with new nutrition right before a triathlon. Once I get these two out of the way I will have 2-4 weeks before the 20K run (sometime in June) and that will give me a bit of breathing room to start doing the vegetable thing.
So this week I'm tapering off the exercise. Two weeks ago I had the 5K, last week I had a six hour hike (only one rated strenous, the hardest one), then swimming the next day, then cycling the day after, and three days ago I had a 10K followed by a TurboKick, Lift, and Zumba, all one after the other. No boot camp Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Boot camp yesterday and today, swam yesterday, running 5K, boot camp, and biking today, will probably swim an hour and bike an hour Wednesday. One cardio class at the gym Wednesday and Thursday, two Zumbas. No exercise of any kind Friday. Next week back on regular schedule, boot camp M-F, one cardio at the gym or two daily, bike X 2, swim X 2, run X 2. Then the week after, the week of the other triathlon, back on tapering week. Then back on to full week until the week of the 20K.
There's three mindsets: weight loss, fitness, and athlete. I've kind of shifted a bit from weight loss to fitness lately but now I'm forced to give that up for athlete, and it's being hard, because I want to do more more more but I do want my body to be well to enjoy the experience.
So that's where I am right now. Depending on 5/3 results, throwing everything out the window and just living it up for a month (veggie smoothies and all). I'm really interested in seeing the results. I'm willing to try new things and adjust. But for me right now athleticism is the #1 goal and I'm having to fight the urge to exercise in order to put my body in the best shape ever. Goes against everything I've done the past almost-10 months.
Trying on a wetsuit for the first time tomorrow, and getting in the lake for the first time just to see how it is, and going to check out and bike on the course. Depending on time may think of doing the complete 23K (I do a bout 17K an hour so it shouldn't take too long).
I signed up for the 500m/23K/5K to prepare me for the 800m/30K/5K. The first time you do something, chances are you will screw it up. So this is my screw-up triathlon where everything will go wrong and I'll gain a wealth of experience that will make the next one the best triathlon experience ever. I will experience transition points for the first time.
Saving up for a "real" bike ($1200 or so) by 1/1/11 (ha). The wetsuit is borrowed. I am wearing just a Wal-mart t-shirt and shorts underneath. Not going expensive right off the bat. I'll have years to throw my money down the triathlon drain. The one thing I will buy is a cheap pair of sunglasses. Borrowing a number belt.
Getting really excited !! I'm willing to try anything. And I like challenges. I got on the scale twice just to hear the beep beep but I closed my eyes so I still don't know how much I weight, but now I refuse to even get on the scale, even with eyes closed.
My goals for 2010 other than the two triathlons and the 20K is a half marathon in August and the Rock n Roll Full Marathon in December.
Did I mention I couldn't run a minute in late January? So this is not me going back to my roots, this is me exploring unknown territory.
Still freaking out a bit over the no measuring/weighing. I get my weight, body fat %, and measurements on Monday, right after the triathlon. If the numbers are better than 4/1 (and the weight anything less than 140.5 lbs), I plan to completely forget about calories for the month of May and just eat what I normally eat and just exercise for fun. Then I will compare 4/1 and 5/1. I don't think I can ever go back to the BodyBugg, I think I will just keep adjusting until I don't have to think about anything and still lose weight and gain muscle.
I got the VitaMix to start drinking my vegetables, both in soup and smoothie form. But I'm not doing that for the next two weeks, because you shouldn't experiment with new nutrition right before a triathlon. Once I get these two out of the way I will have 2-4 weeks before the 20K run (sometime in June) and that will give me a bit of breathing room to start doing the vegetable thing.
So this week I'm tapering off the exercise. Two weeks ago I had the 5K, last week I had a six hour hike (only one rated strenous, the hardest one), then swimming the next day, then cycling the day after, and three days ago I had a 10K followed by a TurboKick, Lift, and Zumba, all one after the other. No boot camp Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Boot camp yesterday and today, swam yesterday, running 5K, boot camp, and biking today, will probably swim an hour and bike an hour Wednesday. One cardio class at the gym Wednesday and Thursday, two Zumbas. No exercise of any kind Friday. Next week back on regular schedule, boot camp M-F, one cardio at the gym or two daily, bike X 2, swim X 2, run X 2. Then the week after, the week of the other triathlon, back on tapering week. Then back on to full week until the week of the 20K.
There's three mindsets: weight loss, fitness, and athlete. I've kind of shifted a bit from weight loss to fitness lately but now I'm forced to give that up for athlete, and it's being hard, because I want to do more more more but I do want my body to be well to enjoy the experience.
So that's where I am right now. Depending on 5/3 results, throwing everything out the window and just living it up for a month (veggie smoothies and all). I'm really interested in seeing the results. I'm willing to try new things and adjust. But for me right now athleticism is the #1 goal and I'm having to fight the urge to exercise in order to put my body in the best shape ever. Goes against everything I've done the past almost-10 months.
Trying on a wetsuit for the first time tomorrow, and getting in the lake for the first time just to see how it is, and going to check out and bike on the course. Depending on time may think of doing the complete 23K (I do a bout 17K an hour so it shouldn't take too long).
I signed up for the 500m/23K/5K to prepare me for the 800m/30K/5K. The first time you do something, chances are you will screw it up. So this is my screw-up triathlon where everything will go wrong and I'll gain a wealth of experience that will make the next one the best triathlon experience ever. I will experience transition points for the first time.
Saving up for a "real" bike ($1200 or so) by 1/1/11 (ha). The wetsuit is borrowed. I am wearing just a Wal-mart t-shirt and shorts underneath. Not going expensive right off the bat. I'll have years to throw my money down the triathlon drain. The one thing I will buy is a cheap pair of sunglasses. Borrowing a number belt.
Getting really excited !! I'm willing to try anything. And I like challenges. I got on the scale twice just to hear the beep beep but I closed my eyes so I still don't know how much I weight, but now I refuse to even get on the scale, even with eyes closed.
My goals for 2010 other than the two triathlons and the 20K is a half marathon in August and the Rock n Roll Full Marathon in December.
Did I mention I couldn't run a minute in late January? So this is not me going back to my roots, this is me exploring unknown territory.
And I'm still keeping calorie tallies in my mind, burned and eaten, and 500 calorie deficit a day. A lot depends on Monday, because if my weight is anything less than 140.5 lbs, I will definitely throw caution out the window and eat when I'm hungry or before exercise and not keep calorie tallies in my head, and I will do that for two weeks this time and reassess based on weight/fat %/inches. Then if that works, keep doing that, and tweaking so that I get to a point that I can eat what I want when I want and reach the level of fitness I want and not be a prisoner to food and exercise, which in a way I still kind of am. Calorie-counting is living life in a prison. It was a friend's birthday today and I ate cake and somebody didn't. I don't want to do that, I want to have my cake and eat it too, and be really active and fit, and I really think it's doable to create that balance where you are so in tune with your body that it asks you exactly for what it needs. So that's what I'm shooting for.
That kind of catches up a bit until today. Off to bed before work. Ran a 5K informally around boot camp at 33:34, so 18 seconds faster. I want to beat that time tomorrow. I really want to be an athlete and just use my body to the max and use food and rest to manipulate what it can do. I want to be a Triathlete. When I'm running I love the feeling, and when I'm riding, and when I'm swimming, or biking. Someone said I looked happy in a picture of me on a bike. And I replied that if I'm moving, I'm happy. And it's true. If someone were to ask me today "Are you happy?" the answer would be an unequivocal Yes. Life if not perfect, just as it's not perfect for anyone, but it's pretty darn good. I really do love my life. And I can't wait for what the future brings.
And I was talking to someone and we talked about how when you go through a life-changing experience, you really DO wake up everyday thankful to be alive. I go to boot camp and I don't mind the hard work and the pain and the soreness and the toughness because it's a GIFT to be able to go and challenge myself. Every time I exercise, I feel I was given a gift. Every single time. I'm on the bike and it's uphill with wind against me and the only thing I can think of is that I was given this gift of being able to challenge and push myself and there's nothing I'd rather be doing at that point in time, and I enjoy the heck out of it. The tougher, the better. It never feels like something I "should" be doing or "have" to do, exercising is always something I'm thankful enough to be able to do. It's going to be a blow if that scale is above 140.5 on Monday.
I now regularly do 2-4.5 hours of exercise a day, and I'm the first one to say that's how I'm satisfying my OCD side nowadays. I'll tell you it's the same compulsion as an alcoholic or an overeater and that I just swapped food with exercise. I'll tell you I'm still not over my dad and that I think I haven't even BEGUN the grieving process, much less finish it. But I'm happy with TODAY being like that. There'll be time for balance. This is good for now. I'm enjoying the ride and having a blast and creating memories for a lifetime and this is what I need right now. It's not forever, it's not the rest of my life, this is just my today.
Debbie out.
SATURDAY MORNING - I am going to do the 5K in under 30 minutes today. My fastest time is 33:34 so that's just 1:11 faster per mile, or 10% improvement. Not a deal-breaker. No matter what I have to do, I will do it. I will go all out in the first mile after I catch my breath a bit and then once I hit the 10 minute mark past the first mile, I am just going all out. I was running behind Eyes yesterday and I saw how she takes very short strides, like her feet are one next to the other, but the turn around is very very quick, one turnaround every second or even both feet ever second, and I made myself match her stride and I physically can do it, so it's just a matter of thinking about it. I worked on my stroke the day before yesterday by really thinking about it and since my iPod died right before boot camp I was able to really concentrate on matching her stride. I don't care what I have to do or what I have to pull from within me, I AM doing that 5K in 30:00 or less. I can, so I will.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON: This morning I was feeling fat and I was sure that I was going to be over 140 on Monday. And then the 5K happened. From Facebook:
It's a good day. Biked for 66 minutes at 16K an hour. Now bed, then work, and the 10-month of Debbie working out celebratory 500m/23K/5K Speed Triathlon in Lake Las Vegas tomorrow. Life is good. Forgot about technique, tips, tricks, cadence, stride length, and just ran as fast as I could until I crossed the finish line.
Debbie out.
WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON OF NEXT WEEK: I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself for not posting every day. I just run out of time. Got a good 45 minutes to post right now. I will finish out the Triathlon info here and then go on to next week.
So I did a Triathlon with a friend, just an informal one. We started at the Henderson Aquatic Center, and set up our lockers and bikes outside and started the clock. Did the same distances as the Irongirl one. 32 laps in the pool, then changed and went outside and got on the bike for 30K (19 miles) and then ran 5K (which took me 45 minutes or so because I wasn't fresh). It was a VERY enjoyable experience and took 4:09. I'm thinking of doing that every once in a while just for fun.
I was a bit of a bad human. Someone told me to stop and I told her I couldn't (when I was on the bike) but my friend did and it turns out when I finally started switching gears I dropped my keys and the woman wanted to give them back to me. I hope she gets Good Karma back X a million and I'm sorry.
That's all I did Sunday. I really really really enjoyed it. Although I'd rather it be running then biking then swimming because for me swimming is the easiest thing to do when tired.
Debbie out. Lots of inside stuff next week (which I guess is half past tense, half present tense, and half future tense now).
WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON OF NEXT WEEK: I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself for not posting every day. I just run out of time. Got a good 45 minutes to post right now. I will finish out the Triathlon info here and then go on to next week.
So I did a Triathlon with a friend, just an informal one. We started at the Henderson Aquatic Center, and set up our lockers and bikes outside and started the clock. Did the same distances as the Irongirl one. 32 laps in the pool, then changed and went outside and got on the bike for 30K (19 miles) and then ran 5K (which took me 45 minutes or so because I wasn't fresh). It was a VERY enjoyable experience and took 4:09. I'm thinking of doing that every once in a while just for fun.
I was a bit of a bad human. Someone told me to stop and I told her I couldn't (when I was on the bike) but my friend did and it turns out when I finally started switching gears I dropped my keys and the woman wanted to give them back to me. I hope she gets Good Karma back X a million and I'm sorry.
That's all I did Sunday. I really really really enjoyed it. Although I'd rather it be running then biking then swimming because for me swimming is the easiest thing to do when tired.
Debbie out. Lots of inside stuff next week (which I guess is half past tense, half present tense, and half future tense now).
And you know what? I can honestly say that if I were to die right this instant, I can say I lived my life. I have a lot yet to do and many many plans, but I can say I have truly lived. I have done more living in the past 10 months than I did in the previous 31 years. And I have a planner and I write down appointments and I have short, medium, and long-term goals, but mostly I live life for the moment, for what's in front of me, for this second. And I am enjoying the heck out of it.
Thank you all.