FOOD:
Monday: 1 cup Fiber One (120), 2 Flatout Bread (180), Pistacchios (170), 10 oz apple slices (167), iHop chicken sandwhich with fruit bowl (440), 1077 total calories consumed, 3075 calories burned, 1998 deficit, 5 meals -- not planned, no food in fridge, moving houses, but went to the market and now I have food!!
Tuesday: Cheese wrap (230), Pistacchios (170), 14 oz apple slices (234), 2 VitaTops (200), 834 total calories consumed, 1815 calories burned, 981 deficit.
Wednesday: 10.5 oz apple slices (175), Fiber One Cereal (120), Pistacchios (170), chicken breast 6 inch Subway (320), 786 total calories consumed, 1791 calories burned, 1005 deficit
Thursday: 10.5 oz apple slices (175), cheese wrap (230), Vita Tops (100), 4 oz chicken tenderloins (110), 615 total calories consumed, 1827 calories burned, 1211 deficit. Had dinner at Applebee's, 7 oz sirloin and roasted herb potatoes.
Friday: 10.5 oz apple (175), Cheese wrap (230), Vita Top (100), 6 oz chicken tenderloins (165), 4 oz tilapia (145), 1 serving 365 organiz couscous (160), 2 matza balls (50), 1025 total calories consumed, 1791 calories burned, 766 deficit, also had a bowl of made-from-scratch soup.
Saturday: White Chocolate piece with nuts (100), Fiber One (120), apple (81), Cheese wrap (230), 2 servings fat-free milk (for coffee) (180), Pistacchios (170), 4 oz Tilapia (145), 1026 total calories consumed, 2592 calories burned, 1566 deficit
Sunday: Can exercise again !!! 2 bananas (217), Cheese wrap (230), Vita Top (100), Fiber One cereal (120), Pistacchios (170), 8 oz Tilapia (290), 1127 total calories consumed, 2130 calories burned, 1003 deficit.
Total deficits so far: Goal: 7000 for the week. 1998+981+1005+1211+766+1566+1003 = 8530 - sirloin dinner - bowl of made-from-scratch soup.
MONDAY 9a Ann Zumba Michele
MONDAY 6p Agassi Zumba Linda
Didn't have my monitor, and won't have it for Tuesday either because I have to go empty random bits and ends before the 8a class. Taking it easy this week because during Michele and Linda I was heaving again and I've been wheezing a bit after class, so I'm going high impact but low volume. Also taking the AFAA group certification training on Saturday so going to study for it instead of going to more classes. Jewish speed dating tomorrow night, also.
WEDNESDAY MORNING: So Monday night at work I was wheezing really bad. And I got really winded during the two Zumbas. Decided to skipt he gym until Sunday. I hate it when doctors say things like "virus." That doesn't help me. Bronchitis with an ear infection I can Google, as in "is it ok to exercise with bronchitis and an ear infection." Back when I did the 24 classes I had a head cold and wrote that it was ok to work out with a head cold but not a chest cold. I now have a chest cold. And it gets worse whenever I exercise, even if I felt better before. No exercise today, no wheezing. Slept five hours Tuesday. Plan to sleep a lot today. Well, as much as I can, I should study some for the AFAA test and I'm meeting Cindy from MFT school for lunch and the electrician is coming to see if he can fix the power from shutting off in the garage and then I can sleep. So just electrician, Cindy, and test. Kathy's teaching a TKB on Sunday so I'll be going to that as my first class back and going to attempt a high impact R39. Took it twice at low impact so I got some sense of the moves. Haven't been able to take it high impact yet.
And if that wasn't enough, it's that time of the month. I hate men. Last month it was on the 4th so it was about 4 days later. If you're easily grossed out skip the rest of the paragraph, although I'm not going into any graphic detail. I've never been regular, had that time of the month maybe once every few months. Sometimes just 2-3 times a year. When I went to the doctor about 11 years ago, they suggested birth control pills but I didn't want them. But this has been pretty much my whole life since I was 12 or so. Three months ago they normalized and now I have them monthly. One more thing exercise has influenced. I'll take this as a positive sign. Not only are they coming every month, they come around the same time. I like notating when it's that time of the month because it helps me keep track of it, and that's how I know the last one started on 1/4.
THURSDAY RIGHT AFTER MIDNIGHT - So I get to my face a fear. I guess part of me went to the gym so much because I was scared of what would happen if I DIDN'T go to the gym. Would I like the inactivity and go back? So I'm on day 3 of my self-imposed 5-day gym ban so that I can kick this chest cold. I would say I was breathing at 70% at rest and now I'm up to 95% or so... not better, but getting there. Still a bit of a cold and sniffles, no wheezing at all. Hoping three more days takes care of it.
So on Sunday, after five days of laying in bed and sitting down and no physical activity, can I go back? Can I go back to 20 classes next week? Can I turn the switch back on, or are the fears unfounded and there's really no going back to that previous life no matter what the circumstances?
I hate the inactivity and I wish I were going to the gym, so I'll take that as a positive sign. I can't wait to go back. I get to attempt Round 39 for the first time on Sunday with Kathy. And have the AFAA test on Saturday.
THURSDAY: I miss the gym. Still have a cough and the sniffles. I'm not looking to be 100% better by Sunday, just looking for the chest cold to finish migrating north to my head so that I can go back to exercising.
SATURDAY EARLY MORNING: Having food dreams. About two days ago I had a dream and I remember I was portion-controlling, and yesterday I had a dream that I lost control and had chocolate cake. See, there's the calories of the food. I can eat a whole cheese pizza and have the calories have no effect on me. But there's also the food composition. I think about when I'm at goal and I can eat what I exercise, sometimes 3k calories a day, and go crazy and not gain a pound, but I don't think I can eat junk again. I picture it clogging up the inside of my body and I just can't do it. Chocolate cake has no redeeming qualities. A piece of dark chocolate is so much better AND it helps the good cholesterol. I wonder if once I can go back to the gym whether I will stop having these dreams.
Have slept a lot this week instead of going to the gym. I unloaded some stuff from the car yesterday and got winded. Not a good omen for my Sunday return to the gym. But I decided to return to the gym no matter what on Sunday and just adjust the intensity as needed. I will stay in the back without gloves because I don't know where my body is and I'm not sure is at the front with gloves yet. See how much I can turn it up and just show up and do what I can each day.
On 1/30 I went to the hospital (everything fine) and that's the day I got winded durng Kelly's class, and on 1/28 is when I got winded during Nicola's class. I've been sick at least 17 days. This sucks. Doctor said it may be up to a month. I can't believe I'm getting winded going to the car and back. And I'm not breathing right right now. Kind of shallow again. Sigh. But I'm going into almost the fourth week of being sick. I want to be back 100% and be able to use my body fully.
Still at lowest, 153.5 lbs, stuck there for 2-3 days, although body fat going down, 26.4%, almost at goal 21%. That has to be an underestimation, no way it's that low, but at least I can track progress.
SUNDAY MORNING: Yesterday was my AFAA group fitness training and testing. I took it because I was told to as I want to be a group fitness instructor, and had no idea what the training, testing, or certification entailed. When I got there it was a bunch of technical exercise terms and performing exercises in front of people.
I had never taught a class in front of people and had a horrible case of stage fright. When we went to lunch, I went up to Lola and told her that I had already made up my mind that I wasn't going to pass the testing. She asked me why. I told her two reasons. First, it was just too much information at once that I didn't know. Two, it involved teaching a mini-segment and I wasn't mentally prepared to get over my fear of performing in front of people (something I was planning on doing, but not yet). She told me that a. I already knew everything because I had been doing it for months now and that b. I should teach her instead of the group so she'd be next to me.
We parted for lunch and I went into a bathroom stall and cried because I was overwhelmed. It was too much and I couldn't do it. I wasn't going to be able to learn it all and I wasn't going to be able to perform. I had already given up my dream of being an instructor because it was just going to be too hard and I was thinking that accountant didn't seem that bad of an alternate life career goal after all. Or maybe I would be an instructor but it would take years instead of the September 1st deadline I imposed on myself (my one-year anniversary of taking group classes at 24 Hour Fitness). I had given up. But I went into that stall, cried a little, then went to my car and sat there staring at myself in the mirror for 20 minutes. I listed all my insecurities (i.e. people would be looking at how fat I was) and then said So What. This is where I am now and this is who I am now and this is who people are going to get, whether they like it or not. I remembered all the advice I had espoused in my blog over the past couple of months and followed it. I told myself it was SUPPOSED to be a terrifying experience, and I was SUPPOSED to be freaked out. That it was just the way it was, and it was normal. I started to tell myself that I believed I could pass the certification but then stopped myself. It didn't matter whether I believed I could pass the certification or not. Believing I could do something was not a pre-requisite to doing it. It didn't matter what I believed, I was just going to do it. If I could do 24 fitness classes in one week, why couldn't I do this? If, just five weeks after not being able to run a minute and having used interval training to go up to five minutes at a time of running, one day I decided to just run half an hour straight and I did... if I could just decide to run half and hour and do it, why couldn't I do this?
I want to believe in people so that they can lean on me when they don't believe in themselves so that I can carry them until they DO believe in themselves. That is my goal in fitness. But in order to do that *I* have to do the impossible and I have to do things I don't believe I can, so that I can give that to others. I have to somehow do the extraordinary so that other people can believe they can do the extraordinary also. That's why I'm here. And I told myself that the eyes looking back at me were not the eyes of someone weak, insecure. They were the eyes of someone hungry, someone strong, someone who did what she didn't believe could be done. Someone with the Eye of the Tiger, to use a cliche. And I told myself that I was going to stare at myself until my insides were the insides of an instructor. I told myself that when I stepped out of the car, I was stepping out an instructor. And that's who stepped out of that car, an instructor. That's who entered back into the building and that's who entered back into that training room. That moment when I was staring at myself in the mirror of my car is when I became a fitness instructor.
I don't know if I passed the certification or not and won't for 4-6 weeks, but it really doesn't matter. I passed the real test, and I got a lot more out of today than a piece of paper could ever give me. I completely and unequivocally accepted myself. I got over my fear of being in front of people, something I've had my whole life. And I guess in a way I believed in myself even though I told myself that wasn't really the goal or necessary. I faced a lot of fears today. In that car I told myself I had been given an unexpected gift that day - to face a lifelong fear (of performing in front of people). It was truly a gift, and when you are given an opportunity like that, you take it.
What's the moral of this story? To never underestimate the power of believing in somebody. Because when you believe in somebody, that is when you change the world. I was gifted and blessed to have somebody believe in me when, for one reason or another, I didn't. And that is the greatest gift of all.
Health check: I should have eaten more. I've noticed that when I have negative emotions - frustrated, nervous, etc. - I tend to shut down and not eat. Next time I'll make sure to eat more. There was A LOT of physical activity involved, over 2 hours according to the BB. I wasn't planning to work out today. Got REALLY dizzy. We had to do a warm up, then a cardio, then a cool down, then a LOT of strength training exercises, then a mini-routine that we led but we had to do everyone else's routine also and there were 34 of us and each routine was 2-3 minutes. By the time we got to the routines I was extremely dizzy and coughing and nauseous and I have no idea how I stayed upright. After that was finished we studied then had a break and during the break I had an apple and felt instantly better. I have to make sure I have sugar. Or maybe it was just food and anything else would have made me feel better also. I didn't sleep much on Friday after I woke up Friday morning and I went to work on Friday, then training all day Saturday. Survived on 40 oz total of glorious coffee. Got home at 6:30p or so and had to leave for work three hours later and couldn't fall asleep. Too wound up from the events of the day. So it has been about 36 hours since I slept. I have no idea how I'm awake. I will sleep tomorrow after Dallas. Coughed a bit and of course still the dizziness. I'm going to go back to the gym but I will take it a class at a time. And I will try my hardest to not have caloric deficits over 1k. I've been bad lately when it comes to that, I just haven't been hungry. Maybe drink some protein shakes for empty calories. Will have to look into orange juice for empty calories. I am going to start making sure I have some good empty calories around in case I don't meet my goal of burned-1000. I should definitely not be having deficits of 1500+.
I need to sleep today for sure. Sleeping is the hardest thing for me, especially with all this extra energy.
152.5 lbs yesterday night, 7.5 lbs more for a normal weight, lowest so far, 24.6% body fat. I don't know what's going on with my body fat, it's just melting off this past week that I haven't gone to the gym. Could it be that the week off let the muscles grow? Seems too good to be true, I'd rather blame faulty equipment. Losing weight, losing body fat.
I used a different assisted pullup maching and according to it (100 lbs assisted, 155 lbs at the gym clothed), I've gone down to 55 lbs instead of 70 lbs. Did I lose 15 lbs of muscle-pulling ability in one week of no weights or is it just because I used a different machine? I want to go running 5K sometime this coming week so I'll test my regular machine this coming week. Two more weeks until boot camp. It's actually 19 classes a week, 76 classes in that one month. Boot Camp Tough indeed. I can't wait.
Way too much excitement for one day. Debbie out.
SUNDAY - Still sick. Had cycle this morning. Felt good to be back at the gym. I've decided to just take it a class at a time and still make my schedules but skip as necessary. I'm just going to show up to each class and see how I respond. During cycle this morning I got really winded, my breathing's not there yet. So I couldn't go as fast as I wanted. I underestimated the relationship between breathing and speed. But what really surprised me was how out of breath I got when going slow but high resistance, if anything I think that's more difficulty than really fast lower resistance and made me more breathless. So effort may have a bigger effect on exertion than speed. Something important to remember for those who can't go fast yet. Effort is much more important than fitness level, in other words. So I burned somewhere betwene 300 and 400 calories according to the BB.
Tomorrow Monday I get to eat a lot !! Well, going to see how many classes I last through. But if I can make it through all four, I'm expecting 2800-3000 calories burned for the day, 1800-2000 calories eaten. Can't wait!! Going to ear about 270 calories by the time I get home. Awesomeness. 5.6 oz chicken tenderloins and a cup of Fiber One cereal. I'm really getting to like the Fiber One cereal, I eat it dry straight out from the box. Making serving baggies has been awesome for the Pistacchios, Fiber One, and apples. And the scale is making it a lot easier to calculate calories, especially for the Cous Cous. I've been overestimating calories, i.e. underestimating portion sizes, i.e. I have been assigning more calories than actual to what I've been eating, so now I can eat more for the same calories, so to speak.
I'm confident I won't hurt my body, though, so I'm not skipping the gym anymore. I cough more when I exercise but now I wonder if that's actually bad or good, when you think about it. It clears you out quicker. So more coughing might be good. Not so much wheezing but it was only one class. I wasn't TOO dizzy this morning, the difficulty breathing was the main complain.
My goal when I exercise sick is to stay upright, so I go as hard as I can while having that goal in mind, so I pull back a lot and go about 80%. If I go 100% while sick the only way out of the room is in a stretcher, so I don't allow myself to go 100%. You can tell when you're going to cross the treshold into now knowing if your body is going to hold out or not.
Plan on running 5K Wednesday. Mom left for Venezuela on Sunday morning, no idea when she's coming back.
Debbie out. See you next week.
