Had my monthly boot camp measurements:
First set on first day of boot camp, second set after Month 1, third set after month 2. With a little biking/running/swimming/Zu
Weight: 148.4 lbs -> 145.6 lbs -> 145.6 lbs (clothed)
Body fat: 31.7% -> 29.4% (Passed high to normal cutoff) -> 25%
lbs of fat: 47.04 -> 42.81 -> 36.4
Lean mass (lbs of muscle): 101.36 -> 102.79 -> 109.2
Arm: 11 in -> 12 in -> 12 in
Chest: 40 in -> 39.5 in -> 38.5 in
Hips: 40.5 in -> 40 in -> 39
Legs: 20 in -> 21 in -> 20.5 in
Neck: 12 3/4 in -> 12 1/2 in -> 13 (apparently there's such a thing as neck muscles)
Waist: 35 3/4 in -> 34 1/2 in -> 35 (35 is healthy cutoff for adult women)
Mile run: Mile.... "run" ? -> 8:45 -> 8:01
At home, the scale says I gained nine pounds, 140.5 - 149.5 lbs. Crazy. Still fit in all my clothes. I want to get a size 8 (two sizes lower than what I wear) to use that as a yardstick. Decided to REALLY go all crazy and not measure even in my head this month and just eat when I'm hungry and stop eating when I'm not. We'll see how it goes. Three days of that so far. It FEELS like I'm not keeping up with the eating and I'm eating more than I'm exercising, we'll see.
Have been feeling fat this week (and the scale saying I gained 9 lbs is not helping matters any). I hate how useless my body is. It kind of gave out yesterday, had a meh day, but today getting better and I'm sure tomorrow after a full night's sleep it'll be back to normal. Tonight going to Pam's Zumba and then doing this thing called Roller Derby where you skate really fast around a track trying to knock other women out. Sounds like my kind of fun. Don't know if I have time to add anything else but definitely going for the experience, I love trying out new things.
Been depressed for a few days, the whole go away thing not working this week. This week I had to work myself up just to say it, and then it didn't even work. Meh.
Had a couple of days with barely any sleep, plan to rejuvenate tonight and be back full force tomorrow. Thinking of making it boot camp, then biking to the gym and swimming and racquetball, then back home, couple of Zumbas, hearing someone sing (Michelle Rohl, never heard her before, she was part of the group singing at Bill's show, though).
It's been a meh week. But I've decided to have the most awesomest of days tomorrow. Today it was an hour of boot camp and an hour of Zumba and the Roller Derby and I feel like I haven't exercised today because I didn't hit that fourth hour. Anything less than four hours doesn't do it for me anymore.
We did the wall today and I totally quit and felt like a loser. Nevermind I couldn't last a minute two months ago and now I quit at 16. I quit, I gave up. And I had asked Eyes for this (to see who was standing last) and she gives it to me and I fail. I failed to perform, and I hate it. I felt I should have lasted the 20 minutes. When I got up from the wall I had to go lay on the grass because my legs were collapsing.
See, if I can do it, anyone can do it. I view 4 hours of exercising as no big deal because I can do it, so it must be no biggie. I don't know when I'll ever feel like I've really accomplished something physically, but now I need to find an ever bigger and better adventure. I get bored with what I've already done (but Deb's Triathlon is so much fun I don't mind redoing it). But I don't feel I'm in any better shape physically and all I can see is gaining nine pounds, not having control over what I eat (because I'm not measuring) and still failing at everything at boot camp.
I REALLY need a good boot camp day where I feel good about myself right about now. Sigh.
THURSDAY NIGHT: So THIS is what being depressed with an exercise high feels like. How can I feel sooooo crappy and soooooo good right at the same time. It sucks big time.
FRIDAY NIGHT: Been depressed the whole week, and I'm going to talk a bit about that. I can't shake this wave off, no matter what I do. Six hours of exercise didn't do it, I just felt great and crappy all at the same time.
I haven't been able to shake it off. And I had a few more happy days with the whole go away self-talk but this time it hit me like a ton of bricks and it hasn't been this bad in a while, even before the exercising (like years since it has been this bad). And I don't want to feel this way and there's nothing I can do about it. And it's worse because my highs are so high now that my lows are lower by comparison. I have truly experienced life and how good I can feel. So it's like the depression before was falling off a 50-foot cliff and now it's like falling off a 500-foot cliff. The crash is so much more painful.
I'm ready to give drugs a try. Prozac, Paxil, Celexa, I don't care. I've had them before but I never believe they'd work so I'd take 3 in a month and then go back and say SEE??!! they don't work!! But I hate feeling like this and want to go back to how I've normally been feeling these past few months, I don't want to have to put up with this anymore. See my therapist on Sunday and will ask for a referral to get doped up. I'm hugely antri-drug. I'll take them for bacteria and stuff where it actually kills something, but if I can put up with symptoms, I rarely take them for symptom relief. Most aches and pains I'll put up with. And I do take aspirin, we're only talking prescription. But if I can have better living through chemistry, I'm all for it.
I'm happy that it hasn't stopped me from exercising. But the joy has left a little bit. I don't know, it's been like show up, do, leave. Like at towers today, I went up and down both hills doing the Boot Camp Shuffle without walking three times after a warm-up hike, and it's like meh, big deal. There's NO sense of accomplishment in that whatsoever. The Triathlon? Six hours of exercise in a day? There's no sense of I did something, it's just show up, do, leave. That's what the depression in. But more than no sense of accomplishment, there's no sense of joy. I'm not an accomplishment person. 5K in less than 30 minutes? Ok, now it's 24. There's just hit goal, new goal, hit goal, new goal. But I enjoy the training, the straining, the doing, the experience. Now I don't even enjoy that. If a little pill can fix that, then so be it. I can't talk myself out of it and it sucks.
Yesterday was a good boot camp day, I can do assisted pull-ups now with just one person instead of two. Run days are always good because even though I'm not the fastest, I have the endurance and I always have a great time on run day. Today we had a special boot camp session inside Lucy, a clothing store at Town Square mall in the strip. My first time there. It's also where Blue Martini, a very popular lounge with a dance area, is. There was a pretty good turnout with about 15 people, and there were two stations, Becca inside and Debbie outside. It was a tough workout!! It was great running through Town Square. We did work with weights, shoulder presses with tires (I SO wish I had my gloves but they're packed for tomorrow's event), lots of stuff in the curb and with BOSU balls (those half-ball thingies that rest on the floor), medicine ball stuff. It's funny because I was TRYING to KEEP UP (not CATCH UP) with Becca and I'm running next to an outside restaurant sitting area and I'm thinking MAN I wish I wasn't this winded so that I could enjoy the experience.
Debbie out.
SATURDAY MORNING: Still depressed. Trying out multi-step for the first time today and then a canoe race for Corporate Challenge. Really looking forward to that, haven't been in a Kayak since 2000 or so. Two-person team, out on a lake in the middle of a city park, how awesome is that? I'm having so many wonderful experiences lately, one of the best being bicycling in the middle of the raceway.
People tell me that I should be proud of what I've accomplished, but I really don't feel that I've accomplished anything. I had done the towers three times running after class one day so I knew I could handle it. I would have gone faster if it hadn't been for that hiking run beforehand. But it's like whenever I set a goal and hit it, I just go right on ahead and set another goal, and another, and another. For gym classes first I added weighted gloves now weighted ankle wraps and soon a weighted vest. Keep making them harder and harder, strengthen the legs. 3 lbs on hands (want to go to 5 whenever I find some), 5 on legs (want more but too bulky and 5 was good to start). But like Thursday I did six hours of exercise and up to the last hour it was like meh, no big deal. Got a little tired while swimming, the sixth hour I did that day.
SUNDAY NIGHT: Still depressed, today was a bit worse. Does it have anything to do with the fact that I'm closing in on the 1-year anniversary of my dad dying? Is this grieving? I think I haven't really gotten over the denial and still have all the grieving to do. But I'm also of the belief you can't push it and it comes when it comes and all you can do is hang on for the ride. The one-year mark is significant, because one year ago my dad was alive, and that just makes the pain and sense of loss worse than if last year he wasn't alive. So is this the beginning of a suck-tastic month-long depression? Oh well, one week down, three to go. Started on 5/3, and he died on 6/3.
Went canoeing yesterday and that was great. There's two things I want to describe tomorrow because I have to leave for work soon. The multi-step class I took, and the canoe-ing. Today I just biked 31:XX because of the wind and that's it, so I ate pretty much what I burned (estimating). Tomorrow I have boot camp and Zumba and the third thing I want to cover is my modified work out schedule in preparation for Saturday's Tri. Will cover the first two things in this post tomorrow and then the third in the new week's post.
Ok, so the multi-step. Really loved the instructor and hope she teaches Zumba or TurboKick, which are pretty much the only two classes I take now at the gym. Will definitely swing by if it's after noon (can't do before noon because of boot camp) or on weekends. One step is in front of you and the other perpendicular to the right (and can also be to the left) and you use both and go from one to the other. Fell on my behind once, kind of hurt my right ankle, nothing too serious and I have to really flex it to feel a little bit of pain. Left heel hurts a bit, after the triathlon plan to get a wrap and start really working on my running technique. I'm giving up on step, I don't enjoy it. There's too many things I enjoy to spend an hour on something I don't.
The canoe-ing was great. It was a short trip around a tree in the middle of a lake in the middle of a park. Who knew we had a park with a lake in the middle? It was pretty awesome. We only ran into the wall once, we didn't tip over, we didn't get disqualified, and we can in fourth of four on our list, but we finished. I was in the back and when she started paddling, she swung water right into my face and eyes, I wasn't expecting THAT. She stopped a bit once I went HEY! It was really enjoyable and I really get a kick out of trying out all these new things. How cool is the whole experience? (very cool).
Debbie out.
THURSDAY NIGHT: So THIS is what being depressed with an exercise high feels like. How can I feel sooooo crappy and soooooo good right at the same time. It sucks big time.
FRIDAY NIGHT: Been depressed the whole week, and I'm going to talk a bit about that. I can't shake this wave off, no matter what I do. Six hours of exercise didn't do it, I just felt great and crappy all at the same time.
I haven't been able to shake it off. And I had a few more happy days with the whole go away self-talk but this time it hit me like a ton of bricks and it hasn't been this bad in a while, even before the exercising (like years since it has been this bad). And I don't want to feel this way and there's nothing I can do about it. And it's worse because my highs are so high now that my lows are lower by comparison. I have truly experienced life and how good I can feel. So it's like the depression before was falling off a 50-foot cliff and now it's like falling off a 500-foot cliff. The crash is so much more painful.
I'm ready to give drugs a try. Prozac, Paxil, Celexa, I don't care. I've had them before but I never believe they'd work so I'd take 3 in a month and then go back and say SEE??!! they don't work!! But I hate feeling like this and want to go back to how I've normally been feeling these past few months, I don't want to have to put up with this anymore. See my therapist on Sunday and will ask for a referral to get doped up. I'm hugely antri-drug. I'll take them for bacteria and stuff where it actually kills something, but if I can put up with symptoms, I rarely take them for symptom relief. Most aches and pains I'll put up with. And I do take aspirin, we're only talking prescription. But if I can have better living through chemistry, I'm all for it.
I'm happy that it hasn't stopped me from exercising. But the joy has left a little bit. I don't know, it's been like show up, do, leave. Like at towers today, I went up and down both hills doing the Boot Camp Shuffle without walking three times after a warm-up hike, and it's like meh, big deal. There's NO sense of accomplishment in that whatsoever. The Triathlon? Six hours of exercise in a day? There's no sense of I did something, it's just show up, do, leave. That's what the depression in. But more than no sense of accomplishment, there's no sense of joy. I'm not an accomplishment person. 5K in less than 30 minutes? Ok, now it's 24. There's just hit goal, new goal, hit goal, new goal. But I enjoy the training, the straining, the doing, the experience. Now I don't even enjoy that. If a little pill can fix that, then so be it. I can't talk myself out of it and it sucks.
Yesterday was a good boot camp day, I can do assisted pull-ups now with just one person instead of two. Run days are always good because even though I'm not the fastest, I have the endurance and I always have a great time on run day. Today we had a special boot camp session inside Lucy, a clothing store at Town Square mall in the strip. My first time there. It's also where Blue Martini, a very popular lounge with a dance area, is. There was a pretty good turnout with about 15 people, and there were two stations, Becca inside and Debbie outside. It was a tough workout!! It was great running through Town Square. We did work with weights, shoulder presses with tires (I SO wish I had my gloves but they're packed for tomorrow's event), lots of stuff in the curb and with BOSU balls (those half-ball thingies that rest on the floor), medicine ball stuff. It's funny because I was TRYING to KEEP UP (not CATCH UP) with Becca and I'm running next to an outside restaurant sitting area and I'm thinking MAN I wish I wasn't this winded so that I could enjoy the experience.
Debbie out.
SATURDAY MORNING: Still depressed. Trying out multi-step for the first time today and then a canoe race for Corporate Challenge. Really looking forward to that, haven't been in a Kayak since 2000 or so. Two-person team, out on a lake in the middle of a city park, how awesome is that? I'm having so many wonderful experiences lately, one of the best being bicycling in the middle of the raceway.
People tell me that I should be proud of what I've accomplished, but I really don't feel that I've accomplished anything. I had done the towers three times running after class one day so I knew I could handle it. I would have gone faster if it hadn't been for that hiking run beforehand. But it's like whenever I set a goal and hit it, I just go right on ahead and set another goal, and another, and another. For gym classes first I added weighted gloves now weighted ankle wraps and soon a weighted vest. Keep making them harder and harder, strengthen the legs. 3 lbs on hands (want to go to 5 whenever I find some), 5 on legs (want more but too bulky and 5 was good to start). But like Thursday I did six hours of exercise and up to the last hour it was like meh, no big deal. Got a little tired while swimming, the sixth hour I did that day.
SUNDAY NIGHT: Still depressed, today was a bit worse. Does it have anything to do with the fact that I'm closing in on the 1-year anniversary of my dad dying? Is this grieving? I think I haven't really gotten over the denial and still have all the grieving to do. But I'm also of the belief you can't push it and it comes when it comes and all you can do is hang on for the ride. The one-year mark is significant, because one year ago my dad was alive, and that just makes the pain and sense of loss worse than if last year he wasn't alive. So is this the beginning of a suck-tastic month-long depression? Oh well, one week down, three to go. Started on 5/3, and he died on 6/3.
Went canoeing yesterday and that was great. There's two things I want to describe tomorrow because I have to leave for work soon. The multi-step class I took, and the canoe-ing. Today I just biked 31:XX because of the wind and that's it, so I ate pretty much what I burned (estimating). Tomorrow I have boot camp and Zumba and the third thing I want to cover is my modified work out schedule in preparation for Saturday's Tri. Will cover the first two things in this post tomorrow and then the third in the new week's post.
Ok, so the multi-step. Really loved the instructor and hope she teaches Zumba or TurboKick, which are pretty much the only two classes I take now at the gym. Will definitely swing by if it's after noon (can't do before noon because of boot camp) or on weekends. One step is in front of you and the other perpendicular to the right (and can also be to the left) and you use both and go from one to the other. Fell on my behind once, kind of hurt my right ankle, nothing too serious and I have to really flex it to feel a little bit of pain. Left heel hurts a bit, after the triathlon plan to get a wrap and start really working on my running technique. I'm giving up on step, I don't enjoy it. There's too many things I enjoy to spend an hour on something I don't.
The canoe-ing was great. It was a short trip around a tree in the middle of a lake in the middle of a park. Who knew we had a park with a lake in the middle? It was pretty awesome. We only ran into the wall once, we didn't tip over, we didn't get disqualified, and we can in fourth of four on our list, but we finished. I was in the back and when she started paddling, she swung water right into my face and eyes, I wasn't expecting THAT. She stopped a bit once I went HEY! It was really enjoyable and I really get a kick out of trying out all these new things. How cool is the whole experience? (very cool).
Debbie out.
