MONDAY 9.30a Craig TurboKick Donalin 58/592/35, 175/93, 149/79
MONDAY 10:30a Craig Cardio Dance Party (30 mins) Donalin 29/257/45, 155/82, 139/74
MONDAY Noon Agassi Lift Rachel 58/353/60, 149/79, 114/60
Today I start training for the triathlon. All the triathlon training info is here: http://fitdeb.blogspot.com/2010/01/aflac-iron-girl-may-15th-2010-sprint.html
I'll just stick to thoughts about the whole process in the weekly blogs but all the core training info will be there. After my 6p class I'll head over to the LVAC indoor track and run Week 1 Day 1 of the C25K program.
20 days, 2.5 lbs. 168 lbs now. This is getting old. 11 more days until I measure body fat % and inches again. I lost 47.5 lbs with the South Beach diet in 2004 (and no exercise) and gained it ALL back, to the pound. So half a lb more and I will have lost the same, but I think I'm much better off now nutritionally and physically. About to call the doctor to make an appointment to go see him for bloodwork and I'll compare if there's any progress, especially with triglycerides and cholesterol. I had the bloodwork done around the second week of September, right when I started going to Group X classes, and 2 months or so after I started exercising, so the bloodwork will show what if any impact the GX classes and diet improvements have done internally. I think with the bloodwork, body fat %, and inches I will have a better picture of what if any progress I'm making, because the scale is now useless (at least I'd like to think it's useless instead of a true representation of a lack of progress in 3 weeks).
I've been thinking about why I ate emotionally on the 1st. This time I wasn't sad, I was angry. And the problem had been solved, as I had a class to go to and had my workout for the day, so it wasn't even a problem that hadn't been solved yet. But I think I got a handle on sadness already having had a lot of practice these past few months. But really when you are sad what's the worst that could happen, that you'll go cry on someone? And when you're happy what are you going to do, laugh right in front of someone's face? But anger is different because it can cause someone to lose control and be destructive. That's the key difference with anger. And the last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone. So I guess anger scares me because I never ever want to lose control. So I guess I haven't really learned to deal with anger yet, and when I do, I'll be able to be angry without eating emotionally. The trick is going to let anger overtake every part of my body so that every last inch of my being is angry, and then not act on it. Be angry without do angry. Allowing myself to become angry and feel it.
This ties in into cheat days. What is a cheat day by most people's definitions? Eating "forbidden" foods, i.e. pizza, cake, cookies, burgers, etc. But what are you really doing when you have a cheat day? You are eating emotionally. I realized this when I had a whole pizza on a cheat day. Calorically I can work it into my week's intake, but I found that I can't turn on the emotional eating switch on and off, it's too draining to go back and forth between emotional eating and rational eating. You can still enjoy food with rational eating, but when you do rational eating, you deal and satisfy your emotions without food and live life in a way that you are able to feel all emotions constructively without having to act on them, and you enjoy a closer relationship to your food and its effects on your body without having to use food to nourish your emotions, which are being nourished somewhere else. It's about having a closeness with food and enjoying it and thinking of food as more than fuel, it's thinking of food as a friend that nourishes your body and soul.
Emotional eating is about using food to counter emotions; make you feel better when you're sad, calming you when you're anxious, giving you something to physically do when you're happy. It's about extinguishing or dealing with emotions through food and its effects on the body. It's about having unresolved emotions that are pacified by the chemical effects of food. But the emotion is never really dealt with, just pacified until the next time it spikes again.
So the reason I don't do cheat days is because I don't want to have that kind of relationship with food. I can't put my body through that roller coaster of emotional/rational eating.
I think I'm ready to try and write my book. Starting this weekend (Wednesday/Thursday for me).
New instructor today, Linda. Going because Erika is going. Met Erika at Kelly's class last Saturday, she just started at the gym. Reminds me of me. Whenever I see someone new at the gym I want them to have my experience, to arrive where I'm at, to go where I'm going. I hate "losing" people to whatever it is that derails people from making this change. I feel that it's my personal responsibility to offer whatever I can to give people what they need to keep on going. Do for others what Rachel, Kathy, Kelly, Donalin, and Dallas have done for me. Pass it on. After don't we all have a responsibility as human beings to be there for one another? Aren't we all in this together? We're really not that different, we're really all the same, irrational emotional beings with sporadic spasms of rational thought.
I've started to picture gym people telling me to do something when I'm trying to get the courage up to do it, which I guess is the first step. And it worked yesterday. I called on the Force of the Gym and it came through for me. If I can do 24 classes, why can't I do that? If I can go through an experience like this, is there really anywhere else to go but forward? Can't go backwards even if I wanted to. I think we're braver that we give ourselves credit for, and we let fear dictate our actions. I asked myself what I was scared of and once I answered that, it appeared to be something perfectly capable of scaring someone. So now I had my very rational answer. So that backfired (because sometimes what we're scared of is really ridiculous once we identify it). But I referred back to a quote from the movie "Under The Tuscan Sun" - "Life offers you a thousand chances. All you have to do is take one." And there was a chance in front of me. It's actually a chance I had back in 2003-2004 but I wasn't strong enough or brave enough back then to take it. But I had to do something I've never done before and which terrified me. Something I never thought I could do. But I pictured some of the people in that list above telling me to do it, that it'd be ok, and that I could do it. And after 15 minutes of that I got out of the car. And while I was in the middle of it they were right there holding my hand. That helped a lot. Isn't it amazing the changes you can help someone else do just by being yourself without even being present? Small actions have big ripples. So now here I am sitting down at home having done something beneficial that I never thought I'd be able to do. And you think, well, what kind of person am I now having done something I never thought myself capable of? Having conquered one of the most terrifying things in my life. What kind of person does that make me now? What kind of things are going to be possible now that I have that behind me? Because once you conquer mind-numbing fear, you can't really be the same person on the other end. I don't know yet what it means.
MONDAY 6p Agassi Zumba Linda 57/570/40, 164/87, 146/77
I tell myself that I won't take new people anymore and I break that promise. I blame Erika. Every time I take a new instructor part of me hopes the class sucks and I hate the instructor. But I never do. So now I have a new regular Monday class. Sigh.
TUESDAY 9a Cheyenne TurboKick Kathy 57/537/40, 167/88, 143/76
TUESDAY 10a Cheyenne Pilates Rachel 59/189/60, 115/61, 92/49
TUESDAY 6:30p TurboKick Donalin 50/476/40, 167/88, 143/76
Forgot to turn on monitor until after warm-up. What's funny is that I have the same max and average HR as Kathy this morning and the same fat %. Calories per minute were 9.4211 for Kathy and 9.52 for Donalin.
I'm back to the front of the class. I want somebody fat in the front. Classes are starting to fill up already with a bunch of new people. Met a mother and young daughter today, and she will be back tomorrow for Wednesday night Zumba. There's still some small classes so I'm enjoying having some large classes. I like both the small intimate setting and the huge all-out party. Maybe when I'm skinny I'll go to the back, or maybe I'll feel like the back next week. But for now it's the front, mostly because I have to do SOMEthing to help keep people coming and maybe I can shatter the misperceptions of what a fat person can or cannot do. I keep wanting to do something to help others and maybe I can use my body to that end. Went up half a lb today so on 12/18 I was at 170.5 and now I'm at 168.5. I've pretty much given up on that for now and will reassess on 1/15 with inches and body fat %. Wonder how much the BodyBugg will help (get to order it Friday).
One week a month I wish I were a man. This is that week for January. Going to the gym sucks. Counting down the days.
Didn't bike the 2K today but I estimate I do at least 4K in a spinning class, giving me this week and next week to find out how long the trail is at the park next to the house and the bike in working order.
WEDNESDAY morning: I am sooooo -not- looking forward to spin this morning (see above reference to wanting to be a man). I so want to skip it. At least I can get that and then Zumba out of the way and then be free until Zumba tonight. I hate taking classes like this but I can't take a week off a month. I'm not doing Yoga tomorrow, want to stay upright as much as possible.
WEDNESDAY 8a Ann Cycle Dallas 56/526/40, 166/88, 144/76
WEDNESDAY 10a Sahara Zumba Michelle 57/478/50, 153/81, 132/70
I'm off today, lower numbers. My energy's zapped and during that monthly week you are sluggish, tired, and just zapped. Shows in the numbers. Last month I even skipped a workout. Not skipping any workouts this month. But I'm disappointed in the 478. I hate this. Hopefully it'll be gone by Saturday or Sunday. Spin was fun, but I really don't enjoy going to the gym like this because I don't move as freely as the other weeks.
WEDNESDAY 6.30p Craig Zumba Donalin 57/500/50, 153/81, 136/72
THURSDAY 8a Ann SET Beth 55/431/50, 155/82, 130/69
THURSDAY 9a Agassi TurboKick Rachel 36/335/45, 162/86, 142/75 (got there late to be able to take Beth's class)
THURSDAY Noon Cheyenne Lift Rachel 60/346/60, 136/72, 111/59
As the days pass, my calories are slowly going back up to normal. I give it two more days tops (hopefully). Had to skip swimming this week. Day 2 of running is tonight after Donalin's class. Had one spinning class already, having another one Sunday. Sunday I will also fix up my bike and get spinning shoes.
Going to become TurboKick, Hip Hop Hustle, and PiYo certified in late February, early March. And Schwinn certified within the next two months. Next up sometime in the near future: Zumba. I want to get as many certifications as possible. Then maybe start teaching locally to get some experience. And I want two of the main personal training cerfitications. Linda's teaching the PiYo one and Michelle Olsen is teaching the other two. She seems like a really fun energetic person, I'm psyched.
Body fat went down about 1.5% since December 30th, weight's pretty much the same. If I can keep the same weight and drop body fat for now, I'll be happy. Sooner or later I will hit goal body fat and start losing weight again.
Tried Beth today, against my better judgment (see Linda above). Thanks to Rachel's class moving up an hour on Thursdays, I now have a new Thursday class. I'm scared to try Ginger. I don't think I can take any more classes. Since I have Michelle on Wednesdays, thinking of alternating Michelle and Beth on Fridays, Zumba/TurboKick.
THURSDAY 7p Sahara Zumba Donalin 54/587/35, 167/88, 153/81
Slowly coming back as the week progresses. Tomorrow I get to order the BodyBugg.
I really don't exercise well by myself. If it wasn't for the GX classes, I don't think I would have stuck with this. I'm into my seventh month. So the running is a different experience because I'm by myself at the LVAC track. Get a lot of time to think. I'm really enjoying running. The C25K program is nothing short of amazing. I feel like I fly when I run and it's really a rush. But there's nothing in between me and completing a triathlon but me. How bad do I want this? Bad. I have to draw into my inner strength to achieve something on my own without any extra outside help or support when it comes to running (and biking and swimming) so it's a new experience. You're running towards something (completing a triathlon in m case) and there's nothing but a big open space in front of you, and nothing that can stop you except yourself.
Had to skip swimming this week, will pick it up at 4 laps next week, and will transition from spin class to spin class plus real bike.
FRIDAY 9a Agassi Zumba Michelle 54.509/45, 162/86, 142/75
FRIDAY 6p Craig Zumba Donalin 56/564/40, 164/87, 147/78
SATURDAY 9a Agassi Lift Mai 55/238/60, 135/71, 101/53
SATURDAY 10a Agassi TurboKick Kelly ~1 hour ~500 calories
I am soooo ticked off that I forgot to turn off the monitor for about 40 minutes after class. I had fasted for 13 hours so far when I took the class and I remember looking at it and it being high 500s, but don't know how high. Calling it 500. I wish I had the stats for this one. No food or water for 13 hour and high TKB numbers after Lift. Taking 40 minutes and 228 calories off the weekly total to account for the extra time.
So I had my fasting bloodwork done, total of 17 hours and 45 minutes fast (a combination of an early-ish dinner (ended around 9p), then work, then gym (2 classes), then finding lost paperwork, then about 2 hours waiting at the lab to go in, then going home and preparing the meal). Had an awesome 620 calorie meal == 6 oz raspberries, cheese wrap, fruit juice with fruit pieces, and pistacchios. Going to have a couple of protein drinks and protein bars tonight (740 for all four of them). That still leaves me 340 calories. I think I'm just going to be short today. Goal was 1700. Maybe I'll even just have one of each. Too many missed calories until 2:45p to make up. Tomorrow is a 1600 day.
On my 1900 day I used up 600 calories in protein drinks, I think I can get the same protein in 400.
I'm ready to write. My dream has always been to be a writer. But I guess out of everything, being a writer is what defines me. It's how I define myself. I may not have anything else, but I have my writing. I can't dance, I can't sing, I can't draw, I can't act, and I don't know if I can write, but of anything I do, I do writing the best. So I define myself as a writer, as who I am inside. So what happens if I write something and it sucks, it never sells, and it turns I can't even write? What do I have left if I lose the one thing that I've always relied on to be there for me, to BE me? But I'm strong enough now that I can lose the one piece that I have always used to identify myself and be ok at the other end. I am ready to write because I'm ready to fail at it. I'm ready to lose being a Writer. As a result of the past four months, of course.
It's amazing that I've only gone to GX classes just over four months. My life is changing in other areas that I don't write about (and don't plan to; I've mentioned before that this blog is the censored version and I plan to keep it that way). It's a work in progress. But I don't think you can embark in a journey to better yourself physically without bettering yourself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually at the same time. It all comes bundled together. So you pretty much embark on a mission to make yourself the best you you can be.
I am still terrified of teaching. But part of me "knows" I will be a GX instructor one day. I want to do all this to someone else. I want to pass it on. It's more of a duty, something I have to do. I was given this, now I have to give it to somebody else. So I'm going to have to get over my fear of making mistakes and my shyness being the center of attention in a crowd. It's almost as if you're just a vessel for the mission to propagate. But there's no way to keep this gift all to yourself. It has to be passed on.
I'm starting to hear inspirational more and more, from more and more people. I've never thought of myself as an inspiration, even now. You know who the inspiration are? The GX instructors. They are the ones that should be getting ALL of the credit, not me. I would have quit a long ago if it wasn't for them. I don't take classes, I take people. It's funny because for the triathlon running now I have to rely on myself, and it's hard. It's hard for me to exercise by myself and I don't enjoy it that much. I do enjoy running, which makes it easier. But it's funny that I exercised by myself for two months in order to be ready to exercise with people and then I exercised with people for four months in order to be ready to exercise by myself. Full circle.
SUNDAY 9.30a Agassi Cycle Eliza 66/601/45, 159/84, 139/74
// Dallas out of town, saw Eliza Saturday on the way to Lift and wanted to try her. I better not like her. Sunday is Dallas time. Who am I kidding. I'll figure out how to fit Eliza in on Monday.
Loved Eliza. Forgot to turn off the monitor but not by much, the class passed the one hour mark so at most if was six minutes. VERY close to 600. Let's compare the heart rate's with Dallas' Wednesday class:
166/88, 144/76
Very close. Dallas still gave me higher. But I found Eliza tough, which is good. Dallas is just too much fun to be tough. I'm going to figure out how I can fit Eliza and Leanna in while keeping 2 Dallases.
So I have 2 resolutions for 2010.
#1 is to go to at least one GX class every day of the year. So far, so good. I will have to go to LVAC when 24HF closes like Christmas Day. There are two main things I need to do to insure I can do this: #1: Not get sick, and #2: Not get injured. So I have to eat right and start sleeping more and once I get the test results back, see how the iron is and start taking vitamin supplements. I'm going to have to get over my psychological aversion to Yoga, as it will keep me stretched and elongate the muscles, further strengthening them.
#2 is to do 1 pullup. I found this awesome assisted pullup machine at LVAC. No bells or whistles but does exactly what I need. The one thing I wish it had was weight increments of 5 lbs instead of every 15 lbs (or maybe it does and I haven't figured it out yet). So I'm able to do it with an assist of 100 lbs but not 85 lbs, and I weight 166 lbs. So I can pull 66 lbs but not 81 lbs. If I get down to 110 lbs this year that means I have to be able to lift 44 more lbs to get from 66 to 110. So lose about another 56 lbs (49 lbs lost so far, almost halfway) and gain 44 lbs more of muscle-pulling ability.
My motto is "One-ten in twenty-ten."
Plan to post updates twice a month, starting with the 31st of this month.
I'm close enough to 165 lbs that I'm going for 1650 average cals consumed a day (I calculate my basal metabolism as weight * 10). Down from a current 1700. Zig-zag for next week:
1525
1625
1725
1825
1725
1625
1525
total 11575, average 1652/day. 75 less calories a day per 5 or so lbs lost.
Just for fun, this would be goal (110 lbs, 1100 cals a day).
1000
1100
1200
1300
1200
1100
1000
Total 7900/week, 1128 + whatever I burn to maintain
1000 may seem low, but here's what a 1000 day looks like:
Cheese wrap (250), 50 cherries (200), 2 egg wraps (405), apple (95), peach (70), 1045 calories
That's 6 "meals" a day. Taking away 6 hours sleep, that's something to eat every 3 hours at least. And this week for example I burned 6606 calories, that's an extra 943 calories a day to maintain, or almost double. If I just take one class a day that's at least an extra 300 calories or pistacchios and a banana. And those are just my low calorie days. And I plan to put on quite a bit of muscle, which will allow me to eat more at rest (without taking into account physical activity).
_________________________________
FOOD
1600 1700 1800 1900 1800 1700 1600
Monday: 2 cheese wraps (500), 2 egg wraps (400), 2 Pistacchios (340), 22 cherries (88), protein bar (180), pear (95), total 1603
Tuesday: Pear (95), 17 strawberries (153), cheese wrap X 2 (500), pistacchios (170), 3 egg wraps (605), raspberries (90), 1 peach (70), total 1683
Wednesday: 3 peaches (210), turkey footlong (560), cheese wrap X 2 (500), pistacchios (170), salmon (150), 2 chunky fruit juices (240), total 1830
Thursday: Cheese wrap (250), pistacchios (170), protein drink (300), protein drink (300), 6 oz raspberries (83), Albertson's Multi-grain pasta X 4 (888), total 1991 (goal 1900)
Friday: Cheese wrap (250), pistacchios (170), raspberries (82), pasta (220), fruit drink (110), partial total 832. For dinner has 2 bowls of soup (nothing in it), three pieces of chicken (no skin), four chicken patties, and fruit. Calling it 1000 calories and calling it 1832 for the day.
Saturday: (goal 1700) 2 X protein drink (280), 2 protein bar (360), cheese wrap (250), 6 oz raspberries (80), pistacchios (170), 2 X fruit juice with fruit pieces (220), total 1360 (had blood drawn for 4-month bloodwork results, fasted until 2:45p (out of work at 8a, gym 9a to 11a, back home to find missing paperwork, 2 hours wait time at the lab, getting back home and preparing food)).
Sunday: 23 strawberries (207 calories), 77 cherries (308 calories), protein drink (190), protein bar (180), cheese wrap (250), chips (200), pistacchios (170), 4 sugar-free Jello (40), total 1545 (goal 1525)
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1603, 1683, 1830, 1991, 1832, 1360, 1545, total for the week estimated 11844, average 1695/day
2014 cals burned at rest a day (based on 166 lbs), 14098 a week
Weekly totals: 19 classes, 8818 gross cals - 228 (forgot to turn off monitor), 1065 minutes - 40 (forgot to turn off monitor) = 8590 gross cals, 1025 minutes, 7103 net cals
14098 - 11844 + 7103 = 9357 caloric deficit, goal 7000
Another week come and gone. Bring on the next week.
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