Monday, March 15th, 2010 through Sunday, March 21st, 2010

FOOD (will finish updating the week's food in the next few days).

After a week of trainings and not being able to control my eating as much (but still regimented.... deficits and one day at a 300 surplus which actually started my losing weight again), back to 1K deficits.


Monday: 8 oz apple (134), 3 Dove dark chocolate (126), 3 cheese wraps (450), Multigrain Cheerios (110), Recovery drink (220), couscous (300), Shakeology (140), footlong Subway roast beef sub (580), 2060 total calories consumed, 3250 calories burned, 1190 deficit

Tuesday: 8 oz apple (134), 2 Dove Dark chocolate (84), 3 cheese wraps (450), Recovery drink (220), 4 couscous (600), Shakeology (140), ON Whey protein drink (110), 1738 total calories consumed, 2903 calories burned, 1165 deficit


TUESDAY MORNING:  Julie (Johnston, owner of Boot Camp Las Vegas) did a military obstacle/running thing and blew everyone away so we had two military men come and take class with us yesterday along with their wives and daughter.  We started with a 3/4 mile team tire run then we did an obstacle course including medicine ball burpies (ball up, jump, down, burpie while balancing hands on the ball), crab crawls, bear crawls, shoulder presses with dumbbells), did weighted situps, competition tire pulls (won it by a lot, almost half the distance, and I only note this because I want to note the progress in different stuff... and I'm not sure I was in better shape, I just wanted it more).  I'm no longer the last one in running drills, I'm about one or two up from last.  My next challenge is obstacle courses, still last on that one.  Also linked arms and sat on a hill to keep our core up, crawled underneath everyone while they were in up dog position (raised butt plank), held arms up about 2 minutes while walking, running, doing high knees) and held legs off the ground 6 inches for two minutes (I still can't do this but I think I'm getting better at it).

Then slept, then at night did my CED (ChaLean Extreme Deluxe) which was cardio (actually something like 24HF's SET, cardio/light weights/cardio/light weights) and abs, total of about 55 minutes, then went to Zumba, then to Peter's Hip Hop class for the first time since his class got cancelled and I had never attended.

TUESDAY AFTERNOON:  Ran the mile in 8:25, shaved a whole minute from last time.  I think I notice a difference (other than the obvious duh it's faster).  Did an obstacle course and I go uphill and especially downhill A LOT better, I'm losing my fear of running downhill, at least on grass.  Jumped on picnic tables (first seat, then top of the table, then seat on other side, then down) and I really enjoyed it.

SATURDAY MORNING - Haven't written since Tuesday. Starting today going to make it a priority to write SOMEthing every day. Because I forget what we do in boot camp and the days mesh together. Wednesday was leg day so just various leg exercises and Thursday was arms day. Friday we ran a rocky terrain for about 50 minutes with some hill work. I can run fast down pavement now, and I couldn't do that three weeks ago. And I'm not the last one anymore on pretty much any day. I can certainly see progress.




I still have to learn to run down rocky hills, that's next on the agenda. Have to run straight down and maybe a bit in a diagonal instead of sideways, because that's how people fall.



Went swimming for an hour after boot camp, and loved it. Training for the triathlon. Then went home, rested for an hour, went to an LVAC boot camp class, and my body gave out (not literally, just tired). Skipped out 10 minutes early, after only 50 minutes, couldn't take anymore. The running wiped me out. Skipped out ChaLean in order to sleep two hours instead of one and making it up today instead of the rest day and then continuing as normal tomorrow.



Tomorrow (well, later today, it's 2:27a) going to the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Lake Las Vegas and taking a spinning and a core class and then going biking in the Irongirl course, where I'll be doing the Sprint Triathlon in May. Going to try to do the actual course for training (running/biking/swimming).



I found out something today. Stamina doesn't translate across activities. Running stamina is different from swimming stamina is different from biking stamina, and you have to do each thing that you want to build stamina in.



Two days of taking the endurance gel and I think it does help with the endurance. Doesn't enhance my performance but I don't feel as tired during class, and because of that I can go harder, and feel more tired AFTER class.



This week back to 1k+ caloric deficits per day but keeping it as close to 1k as possible (1010 yesterday).



Less than two weeks until my monthly measurements. Can't wait. Weight holding steady at 149-150 lbs, lowest of 146.5 on 3/1. I don't really care about that number anymore. I care about how I look and about what I can do. Starting a weights routine on Monday.



They say not to measure yourself with others and only work on going as hard as you can yourself. But I measure myself with others. But when I do that I don't see others as There's Bobby or This is how I'm doing in relation to Cindy. I view A mile in 6 minutes, or 50 Jumping Jacks straight or Fast Runner or Heavy Lifter. Nameless, just their fitness level. And I use that as a yardstick, especially in boot camp. Helps me see progress. And I have to be #1 because if I'm not that means there's another goal to be reached. Once I'm #1 there's two option, separate myself from #2 as much as possible or find another fitness endeavor where I'm last again. But I never make it to #1, I tend to go searching for something more difficult way before that, at least it has been that way so far.



So it really doesn't matter WHO it is, it's WHAT they can do, and how I measure against that, and whether there's progress. And today at the gym I noticed I'm not the skinniest but I'm in pretty good shape now, nothing spectacular, but I'm not the worst shape anymore. There's actually people in worse shape than I am (fitness-wise) and that just blows my mind. I've never experienced that before. And it's weird. It's like hey they stopped and I'm still going, and that's not the way it goes, it goes I stop first before everybody else. My whole life. I have pretty much been not only in the lower end, but LAST pretty much in anything physical. So this is definitely something new, unexpected, and unexplored territory. Now I want to be the last one standing. I want to run so fast the next person in boot camp, whoever that is, is five minutes behind me. I don't want to be in decent shape, I want to be in extraordinary shape. I want Michael Phelp's body (in female form). And what's weird is that now I see my body responding to the running and the weights and the swimming and how it just keeps getting better and better and it just motivates me to go harder and harder and push it even farther each time. It's like now I can REALLY move.



I want to share something I wrote and put on Facebook. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, have played around with the idea to submit it to psychology and mental health scholarly journals.



Psychological effects of significant weight loss on an adult woman.Share

Wed at 9:47pm
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by: Debbie Eidelman

http://fitdeb.blogspot.com



My name's Debbie, and I wanted to share my experiences in losing 66 lbs in 8.5 months (79 lbs lighter than heaviest weight; these numbers include pounds of muscle gained). I want to focus on the psychological aspects. And I want to do this because we all know the psychological benefits of exercise - enhances mood, battles depression, increases endorphins, etc. - but no one really talks about other psychological changes that occur, and I want to touch on them.



I will jump from topic to topic, as there's various subjects I want to cover. And I'm a writer at heart so I use a lot of analogies and imagery. Writing with flair, if you will, so don't take everything here literally. I write in a stream-of-thought style, so I'll be jumping from topic to topic.



I want to start with mentioning that I have never been a normal weight my whole entire life, not even in infancy, always overweight or mostly obese. I think there's a huge difference in being skinny, gaining weight, then losing it versus never having been a normal weight your whole entire life. And these past couple of weeks it happened. You gradually lose weight but there really comes a point in time when you start feeling sometimes the smallest inkling that you may not be fat anymore. It happened sometime in these past couple of weeks, a definitely change, but mostly a "feeling" rather than something tangible. But it's really like you wake up suddenly and you're 31 and you're not fat anymore, for the first time in your life. And you can move for the first time in your life and you don't want to stop. You want to experience this new body and feel what it's capable of. So I think it's very important to keep this in mind. Also, it hasn't been a year since I started working out (8.5 months) so I'm coming up on some events for the first time since I started losing weight.



It has been brought to my attention these past couple of days that I dress and act fat, and that's how this paper came about. It has come from more than one source. They point to my baggy sweats (Small is too baggy and Extra Small doesn't fit yet, so I'm kind of stuck). And I realized it was true. I realized this right around yesterday night. My body and my mind haven't caught up to the fact that I'm not fat anymore. I still stand, walk, and handle my body the way a fat person does. I still wear baggy clothes the way a fat person does. And I still think the way a fat person does.



I came across some "fat thinking" a few weeks ago. My work participates in Corporate Challenge (a bunch of companies get together and compete in different events once a year). I've participated for years but I always did chess because I've never been able to participate in the physical events. So someone asks me if I'm participating this year and I say yes and they ask in what and I say chess of course. And as soon as I said that I thought to myself, hey, I can do the 5K also! So I signed up for every physical non-skill event they had, about 7-8 (i.e. kayaking and running vs. soccer and basketball).



And someone asked me if I was ready to wear skinny clothes. And you know what, no, I'm not. I think there's part of me that is finally realizing that I'm really going to be skinny in the near future, and that part of me is scared, because they have to let the fat part go, and it's not ready yet. Part of me realizes there's nothing I can do to stop myself from getting skinny and that it's going to happen and it's going to happen soon, and it's terrified. I will never be fat again, I just know that. And what people may not realize is that you wake up one day and you're 31 and you have to lose your identity. Weight is a huge part of our identity, and I have to give up an identity I've had my whole life and learn how to live thin. And it's not easy.



And it finally dawned on me what it is that I need to do, and that is kill Fat Debbie. I have to take someone I've lived with my whole life, shared every life experience with, and let her go forever. It's like if someone you know was dying from a slow terminal illness. You know it's going to happen but you want to prolong it as long as possible. I want to call myself fat as long as I possibly can without being mentally unhealthy. I still have rolls, and part of me wants to think of myself as fat as long as I can. People call me skinny and I don't want that. I'm not skinny. I don't want to be skinny yet. I'm not done being fat inside. I'm being asked to stop being who I've been for 31 years, and it's hard. People don't realize what a psychological and emotional toll it is to give up your identity and find a new one. Because I have to literally learn how to be thin. How to think thin, how to walk thin, how to sit thin, how to lay thin, how to talk think, how to be thin. It's an acquired skill. If you want to know how I started exercising and the backstory visit the blog, because I really want to keep this on this specific topic. But for me exercising and eating right have become a part of life and the weight loss and muscle gain kind of just happen from that, but I'm not going to stop exercising or eating right, so the "transformation" is going to keep happening as I lose the rest of the fat and then gain muscle. But for reasons that I cover in the blog I really feel like someone else chose this journey for me and I exercise because someone else chose that for me. In other words, I don't view it as a choice, but as something that I do just because it was decided for me. So really the weight loss and the changes accompanying it are not my choice either. So I have to deal with these changes as best I can because I have no control over whether they happen or not.



And I've come to realize that fat comforts me. I like fat. It's what I know. It's like snuggling with your favorite blanket. I think if I walked into a room and there were a bunch of fat people gathered around each other and a group of thin people, I'd go with the fat people. It's like some people would cluster by race or nationality or gender or anything that makes them feel like they "belong" to a group. Fat people are "my people." It's almost as if since I can't be fat myself (because remember, I'm not choosing to exercise or lose weight), at least I can be around people who are. And that comforts me and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.



So no, I'm not ready to be Skinny Debbie. Because once I say goodbye to Fat Debbie I can never see her again, and I tear up inside when I think about that. It's like someone I've spent my whole life with was in the cusp of dying. I'm not ready to let Fat Debbie go. It's a huge loss that I know I will have to face soon, but I'm holding on to it as long as I can. So I'm not ready to call myself skinny or normal weight (I'll settle for Chubby or better yet if you want to make me feel good right now agree that I'm fat and you'll be my best friend) just yet or wear skinny clothes just yet. Because if I wear skinny clothes that means I'm Skinny Debbie and that means Fat Debbie is dead, and that's sad. I'm not emotionally or psychologically ready. I will be, the same way that I will find a way to be skinny, but not yet. Because as soon as I become Skinny Debbie, that's when Fat Debbie dies.



And I also know that people that knew Fat Debbie will always feel like closer friends that anyone that meets me for the first time once I'm Skinny Debbie. It's like we both knew someone who died and we can share that with each other. I will always feel a closer bond with anyone who "knew me then." Like that's the real me, not this whole Skinny Debbie nonsense.



I've been paying very close attention to my psychological state through this whole transformation. I took 13 graduate classes in Marriage and Family Therapy and I was going to be a therapist until I realized that I sucked at it, but I know enough about mental health to monitor myself. And one thing I noticed is that the skinnier I got, the more disatisfied I was with my body. I hated how I looked at 170 lbs more than I did at 230 lbs. And it has only been this past couple of weeks, when The Change happened, that I've started the uphill climb to having a positive body image. If you were looking at a graph there'd be a steep decline in body image perception and then a steep uphill. And if you kind of go through this whole physical transformation you can't really leave your mind behind. You have to be healthy all over. So I'm always looking for psychological changes, states of mind, and adjustments I need to make as necessary steps in losing weight, as much so as lifting weights or cardio.



I like to monitor myself psychologically because losing this much weight takes a huge psychological toll so I always need to be in the lookout in case I need outside help, because I'm not about to let myself become mentally unhealthy over this, and sometimes you may need some help, so if I ever need someone to help me cope with being skinny or not being fat, I'll bring them in, but haven't had to do that yet. But you have to be aware of all this and the reason I'm able to do it without outside help is that I think and monitor and adjust daily (and I guess all the mental health training). So there's a constant need of psychological self-evaluation or evaluation by an outside party to make sure your inside keeps up with your outside.



And then there's the whole deal with changing or remaining the same. I am totally different and totally the same at the same time. My soul's the same, but my outlook of life, energy, spirit, are so much more enhanced. When I started this I hoped I wouldn't change inside and soon realized that was impossible. And I'm always doing self-checks to make sure I don't become someone I hate. There's a fat person, what's the first thing that comes into my mind? There's someone who wants to lose weight but won't exercise, how do I feel about them? Just making sure I never look down on anyone because of their motivation or weight, because I never want to become that person. And I've been pleased so far that I don't seem to be headed in that direction.



And then there's the whole looking in the mirror part. I want to be a fitness instructor and they tell you to focus on others instead of admiring yourself in the mirror. And I find myself drawn to looking at myself in the mirror while I take group classes at the gym, but it's more of a wonder kind of thing, like hey, I may be skinny. I can move. It's like when a baby discovers themselves in the mirror. They realize that's them looking back at them. I have a feeling that's Debbie looking back at me. But it's a Debbie I don't know, and a Debbie I have to get to know, and right now I'm just at the point where I just want to look at her. So maybe that's why I shouldn't be an instructor yet, until I become Skinny Debbie and I put two and two together and realize that the person who looks back at me from the mirror all skinny is me. Because it hasn't clicked yet. And no, I don't have dissociative disorder (formerly called multiple personality disorder), it's just a good way to explain it.



I think it's important to talk about all of this because these changes are not really talked about when you lose weight, and I had to find out about all of them just by trial and error. It's really cool to experience all this and to see the psychological changes that occur when losing a significant amount of weight, because it underscores the complexity and wonder of the human condition.





[Picture of Fat Debbie]



Then I added the following comment:



Sooooo.... IT happened. I wrote that, went to bed yesterday, woke up this morning, went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and went Hi. Wearing shorts in public in the first time like forever and a tight shirt. Will post pictures later. Teaching myself to stand up straight, sit with a flat back, etc. But there have been so many things that have happened that have felt like they have happened on a schedule that I think that article was my one last goodbye and my last opportunity to catch all that in writing before it was gone. So that picture up there is almost like the one you'd see in an obituary lol Good bye, dear friend, and thanks for all the memories. Time to forge ahead and create new ones.



Have worn shorts since, and only put on the sweats to come sit for eight hours behind the desk at work. Going to get me some thight clothes this weekend. I'm getting to enjoy it. Bought a Medium bathing suit and it fits great, and you can see my whole huge stomach with it (hey, work in progress).



But I really think I wrote that to kind of encapsulate all that before moving on. Now I look at thin people, how they stand, how they move, and I copy them to teach my body how to be thin. It really doesn't know how. Like it doesn't know it doesn't have to hunch over all the time now, and my mind doesn't know that it doesn't have to hide my body anymore.



So a lot of changes happening lately.


Wrap up: It's Monday night but I wanted to put Saturday and Sunday here. On Saturday I went to the Ritz-Carlton in Lake Las Vegas. The area is just breathtakingly beautiful, the kind of scenery that makes you glad to be alive so that you can be driving through it. Met a friend there and she signed me in to the spa/fitness center. There's a small weights and cardio machines area and a very small group fitness room with about 7 or so bikes. Took a spin class (classes are about 45 minutes long there). It seemed harder than usual so I don't know if it was the bikes or something else, I'm hopefully not in worse shape than last time I took Dallas 3.5 weeks ago. I was slower than usual. Then a core class in which I realized that for the first time I could lay down, raise my legs, and PUT THEM TOGETHER all the way up. That was a great feeling to be able to do that. And I also was able to for the first time sit and raise both my legs and arms at the same time. After I wrap up these two days I will go into more detail about the effect of these things in next week's first entry.




After both classes we went biking. Had my clip pedals and tried putting on the biking shoes on them. Put the right one in, then went for the left, tipped to the right, fell hard, hit my helmet HARD on the floor, would not have been good if I had not been wearing a helmet, I have a rule, if I don't have a helmet on secured, I don't mount the bike, not even to cruise to the end of the driveway. Tipped three more times but my friend realized that if I have a shoe clipped and a shoe free I will tip towards the clipped shoe EVERY ... SINGLE ... TIME ... and caught me. Gave up and put on my regular shoes. I noticed in spinning classes that you do get a sense of where the bike ends and your body begins and there is such a thing as getting to know the bike. So on Sunday I switched the clip pedals with cage pedals, which are pedals that have a little plastic thing that you put your feet into and then a strip that secures it, I keep it loose, feeling of having your foot trapped but easier to free. And oh yeah, scraped my knee, leg, and elbow with the fall and strained the left side of my neck, and it was very hard to do sit ups the next day on Monday. And we also raised the seat to the correct height so my legs have a slight bent when my feet are on the pedals but they barely reach when they are off the pedal so I have to learn to mount and dismount forward off the seat instead of to the sides, still don't have the handle of that, what I do now is cage one foot then use the tiptoes of the other one to scooter myself forward a bit then cage the other one, while being on the seat. Work in progress. So since we're still on Saturday, used my regular shoes on clip pedals but they're so narrow I couldn't get a good grip with my shoes so we didn't bike much. Went home and did my ChaLean at night and that was it for the day.



On Sunday I took the day off of exercise but did do the ChaLean, pretty uneventful day, watched The Hurt Locker (great movie). Ate up to what I burned. Want to see if that shakes things up a bit.



And that was the week.

My current workout regimen (3/16/10 - present)

I'm still settling into a routine. 


MORNINGS:  BOOT CAMP 1-1.5 hours, Monday - Friday, sometimes Saturdays

In the morning at 9:30a I have a one hour Boot Camp Las Vegas session, but members always stay behind and do extra stuff, and most days I run an extra mile, so it usually runs 1.5 hours.  Our warm-up is a mile run which is sometimes replaced by weighted vest runs or tire pull runs, either individual or team (with bigger tires).  For upper body days we do things like lift rocks to build "forts."  We run uphill a lot.  We run a lot, period.  We use nature mostly and equipment consists of cones, pieces of paper with writing on them (100 sit-ups), tires, harnesses, weighted vests, medicine balls, and the occasional dumbbell.  If you've ever seen Rocky IV, there's a montage where Draco is training in a high-tech gym and Rocky is training in nature.  Boot Camp is nature.

I do this five times a week, Monday - Friday.  I go most weeks to Saturday's class.  Since the gym doesn't have many afternoon and night weekend classes, I may skip it for gym classes.  This week for instance I'll be at the gym where I'll be doing three classes straight, cycle, Zumba, and Boot Camp (24 Hour Fitness' version of it).  No Boot Camp classes available Sundays, so I try to take two gym classes and then do the ChaLean Extreme Deluxe workout.

EARLY AFTERNOON - SLEEP

Then I get home and I sleep until the afternoon (I work the overnight shift).  I usually get home around noon and sleep until 4p or 5p, depending on what I have that night.  I get 7-8 hours on Wednesday and Thursday nights.


LATE AFTERNOON / NIGHT - One gym class, ChaLean Extreme Deluxe at home

Then I take a gym class at 24 Hour Fitness or Las Vegas Athletic Club.  It's cardio since I do weights at home.  Each day I take a different class and I like to vary the instructors.  I usually take a Zumba or TurboKick or Cycle.  On Sundays I may double up since there's no Boot Camp on Sundays.

I also do ChaLean Extreme Deluxe at home, which is a resistance training DVD program.  It has two rest days.  On those two rest days I substitute a mind/body/cardio DVD called willPower and Grace (I'm a trainee instructor) along with doing the wP&G DVD on one of the weights days (so that I do THAT three times a week).  I do this in-between the gym and work and it's usually 45-60 minutes.

So it's around 3-3.5 hours of exercise a day.  I'm training for a 20K half marathon on June so I'll be running a lot more in preparation for it.  I can do about 10K now.


This burns right around 3K calories a day Monday through Saturday which allows me to eat around 2K, and on Sundays I haven't established a burn rate yet since I've been having instructor trainings the past couple of weeks.

Monday, March 8th, 2010 through Sunday, March 14th, 2010.

FOOD:


Monday: 6 vita tops (600), cheese wrap (210), recovery formula (220), Pistacchios (180), 8 oz chicken tenderloins (220), 1420 total calories consumed, 2995 calories burned, 1575 deficit

Tuesday: 8 oz apple (133), 15 oz banana (392), Vitatop (100), had a grilled chicken sandwhich and fruit cup at a restaurant, giving it IHOP's caloric equivalent (440), cheese wrap (210), recovery formula (220), couscous (300), chicken tenderloins (110), total 1905 total calories consumed, 2577 calories burned, 672 deficit

Wednesday: 16 oz apple (267), 15 oz banana (392), beer (110), 3 oz champagne (63), 10 slices lemon (27), 2 recovery formula (440), had grilled chicken sandwhich and turkey sandwhich, going to call is 960 calories, although it's probably much much less, Dove dark chocolate (42), 2301 total calories consumed, 3341 calories burned, 1040 deficit

Thursday: 3 protein bars (630), 16 oz apple (267), 7.5 oz banana (196), 2 Dove Dark Chocolate (84), 3 egg whites (48), 2 Flatout Bread (180), peanuts (301), 2 slices wheat bread (130), total 1836 calories consumed, 3175 calories burned, 1339 deficit

Friday: 8 oz apple (133), 12 oz banana (312), Dove dark chocolate (42), 3 cheese wraps (450), Yogurt with nuts (estimating 400 calories), recovery powder (220), couscous (600), total 2157 calories consumed, 2775 calories burned, 618 deficit.

Saturday: 15 oz banana (390),

5244 deficit in 5 days, hitting goal, and I was out and about in a different state without supermarkets, so I'm calling it a win.

Eventful week. Let's take it a day at a time, a lot of stuff to write about.

SUNDAY: Schwinn Indoor Cycle training. I'll go ahead and describe the day then write my thoughts on it. It was pretty much split between sitting on the floor and on the bike. We learned how to quick fit the bike and how to do a fuller fit, and after the fuller fit where they set me up to numbers that fit me well I discovered I had been using the right numbers after all. Learned a trick where the pedals go at 3 and 9 and you put your heel flush with the pedal and use a washer to make sure the knee and the middle of the pedal are on a straight line. We had about a ride and a half and the rest of the time was bookwork.

Here's one of the most important lessons I learned in that class. You may be the only compliment that person gets the whole week. You never know when you'll have the opportunity, the gift really, to change someone's life. We don't give ourselves credit for all the power we have in creating changing in the world. Just that simple concept for being grateful for having the chance to someone's life and be that one positive person they can count on week after week.

During the second ride the trainer did one of the best cycle classes I've ever seen. She likened going up a hill in spin as going through a problem in life. You can either go up the hill or around it, but once you climb that first hill, you find it in you to go another hill, and yet another, and another, and slowly you become someone who goes up hills instead of around them, and in the same token you become someone who faces problems head on instead of ignoring them, and this whole philosophy jibes with me. Also the whole gym/life parallel.

She also did something else that was really cool, and that was to allow us to use the song right before the cool down to do whatever we wanted, to go into our heads, which I thought was perfect after that particular class, and I enjoyed having that time to myself in class with everyone around me.

Those were the main things I got out of cycle, and oh, the best song in the world, Alive by Meatloaf (and I hear it's a total change in style for him). That has become my life anthem.

But the whole you can be the only compliment that person hears that week, that was powerful. And the second ride reenergized my drive to keep going up all the time.

On to the rest of the week. Boot Camp gets blurry by now so I really will be better about updating it daily. This week was just crazy with three certifications in an eight day period. So I'm not going to have as detailed BC impressions. But a highlight of the week is that I ran a mile in 9:25. Going for under 9 on Monday. On Friday we went up hills with a tire tied behind our back and I made it all the way to the top. That was nice. I had to sit down on the way back and I want to work on getting down rocky hills (small pebbles all over) standing without falling, I have a fear of slipping on rocks (since I was little).

The Zumba trip was absolutely totally awesome and yet another life-changing experience. And I find myself calling every day a life-changing experience but I think this whole journey has changed me in a way that I just find lessons in everyday things, and I'm more open to life period, so maybe I'm just attracting them (as much as I think The Laws of Attraction is a bogus concept). We left Tuesday afternoon and got there around 7p (left around 2p). Unloaded and went to dinner.

In this trip I had to eat out a lot. And it really is a whole change in mentality. When I get to my goal weight and muscle I'm going to have to teach myself to eat normally, and even that is going to be an adjustment. But I was happy how the trip turned out food-wise without a refrigerator or supermarkets. Tuesday I had a grilled chicken sandwhich and fruit bowl for dinner. I was blown away in that restaurants that offer fruit bowls will most of the time allow you to substitute your fries with fruit. That was awesome. On Wednesday I had a lunch of a turkey sandwhich and for dinner I had a grilled chicken sandwhich. On Thursday I had a breakfast of three egg whites with two slices of wheat bread and black coffee with Splenda which was wonderful. Any meals not mentioned were protein bars, apples, bananas, my usual fare. Even had alcohol, 3 oz champagne and 2 55 calorie beers.

On Wednesday we spent all day in the training then that night we went to the beach and I climbed some rocks. On Thursday morning back to the beach and climbing some more rocks and beach running and a lot of walking. The view was amazing. We had breakfast on Thursday morning overlooking the ocean and that breathtaking. I enjoyed every second of that trip.

The training itself was great and it really drove home how simple Zumba is to teach and to choreograph, and how we shouldn't make it a difficult process or do difficult choreography. Learned how to dissect a song. Took it with the creator of Zumba, Beto, and I got two main things out of that training: If you doubt, you die. Take life by the horns. And that saying helped me in a seminar I had Friday night (more on that later). The other one is how you can take any exercise you do in class and do it halfsies or do it all the way and to just go all the way on it, so that's just reinforcing a message I've been getting a lot lately. Now I take gym classes boot camp style, and I go all out of them. I give it my all just for the warmup and it's all I can do now to get through the class because I'm not reserving anything.

But here's the best thing that training gave to me. I was on the stage with a group of people, and each of us picked a move, and there were over 100 people down there following my one move. During AFAA I lost my fear of performing in front of people. During Zumba, I gained a love for it. I want more of that. And I think it was great to have AFAA first and then Zumba. EVERYTHING I've done has built up to the next thing and I have gotten things just when I needed them.

On Friday night I went to a BodyJam and BodyAttack info seminar where LVAC checks you out and then tells you if you want to teach for them. For some reason it seems that LVAC is more touchy-feeling with the whole changing lives things than 24HF is. They talked and what they said is what I say in this blog, they speak my language. But 24HF will always a special place in my heart. And we got into mini-groups and we had to introduce ourselves and lately I still get nervous but something switches on and I get over it and go. They asked me why I wanted to teach and I gave them a mini version of how I got started and how group classes changed my life (I conveniently left out I was a 24HF girl) and it was great, it just flowed out.

So that catches us up to the present. willPower and Grace training Sunday. Taking Saturday and Sunday off from work. That finishes the trainings for now (and hopefully restarts in April with both Les Mills ones (the LVAC ones)). I will be better in writing about Boot Camp daily because I really do learn something each day and I love it.

Started ChaLean Extreme Deluxe yesterday with cyber-friend Christina (FB friend).  Looking forward to doing it with someone.  Don't like the first routine of 9, but sticking with it.  Time to build some muscle.  Since 3/1 not only did I not lose any weight, I gained 2.5 lbs, up to 149 lbs right now.

SUNDAY NIGHT:  Saturday morning brought Boot Camp.  We ran up and down a hill for 50 minutes, some of it backwards, crab crawls, bear crawls, etc.  Then I threw around a weighted tube for awhile, used a heavy sandbag for dead lifts, did skull crushers with a 15 lb weight, and did chest presses and flyes with 2 15-lb weights.  Boot camp has shown me that I can lift more than I can.  Saturday Boot Camp always wears me out more than M-F boot camp.  Then I went to Julie's TKB, which was awesome.  First time with her, but I had heard wonderful things about her, and they were true.  Then slept a little, then went to see Clint Holmes perform, then off to bed to prepare for Sunday's training.  CED (ChaLean Extreme Deluxe) had a rest day for Saturday.  Today Sunday I was at an all-day training for willPower and Grace, and tonight I do CED Burn Circuit Two and thinking about doing a Zumba.  

So I went to the person who decides who teaches at 24HF and asked her how much lead time she needed to schedule an audition, and she said that they had a surplus of instructors right now and not really hiring and there would be no point in auditioning if I can't get classes and to take my time preparing.  So pretty much "Don't bother."  So there's the second training out of five that finds me crying in the bathroom.  I swear I didn't used to be this emotional before.  

There's one thing that hasn't changed about me.  I hate being told no.  Can't stand it.  And it pisses me off more than anything in the whole entire world.  You want me determined to do something no matter what?  Tell me I can't do it.  So now I have to prepare the most kickass, mind-blowing cycle class in the history of the world and give her an audition she won't soon forget.  I'm going to create a class so special, she will have no choice but to hire me.  Now all that's left is to create such a class.  I'm blessed in that Denise, who did our training, has agreed to mentor me from Utah.  Will even tape myself doing a class (by myself) and uploading it to YouTube for her to critique.  I love the Internet.

So I learned two things about me today, and in the spirit of truthfulness, here they are.  Maybe they will help somebody else.  I never said I was doing things right, the purpose of this blog has always been to share the experience, good or bad.  It's a window to what someone went through in a particular moment in time.  I'll start with the second thing because it was the most striking.  I've been feeling people pulling away, and I haven't been able to figure out why.  And someone told me today that it was because I act with fitness like someone acts with a new boyfriend - I want to tell everybody every single detail about it.  And to draw people to you you talk to them about themselves, not you.  So maybe I've been oversharing on Facebook and in real life.  I almost feel like I should post a message on Facebook apologizing.  So from now on this blog is going to be my outlet for all my fitness endeavors and I'm going to stop posting about it on Facebook and talking about it, and I'm going to start focusing on other people.  Thanks Rubi for telling me what other people have probably been thinking for a while and something I honestly didn't realize myself until it was pointed out to me.  I make a commitment to myself to change that starting right now.

The other thing I learned is that maybe I have a problem with exercise.  Someone told me I should slow down for a while and I told him I couldn't, that I loved my three hours of exercise a day, and he said that if I couldn't do that then maybe I have a problem.  Also said I shouldn't be having 1K deficits, but I decided to have them anyway.  He's a personal trainer in fantastic shape.

That's the one theme.  I don't know if I'm doing things right or wrong, but they're my choice and the way I chose to do it and I always want to have control over my own body.

Sunday was the training for willPower and Grace.  I am so not in shape.  That training was described as cardio for mind-body people but I think it should be described as mind-body for cardio people.  I hate yoga and don't care for Pilates but I could embrace wP&G.  Going to do it on my two CED rest days and Sundays, and hopefully I get better.  I really enjoyed the class and I got a class on DVD as part of the program.  The message I got from it was I AM.  Doesn't matter where you are of who you are, embrace it.  And pay attention to how you act when you don't think people are looking.  Not as life-changing as cycle, AFAA, or Zumba, but gave me a mind-body class I can do and a message of positiveness.

Boot Camp Las Vegas Info Post - only interesting to me.

I need a place to keep all this info together, so this is mostly for me, and it's all available at their website http://www.bootcamplasvegas.com/.

MISSION HILLS:

Directions: Take 93/95 515 South to College Drive (Exit 57)
Turn West (right) on College Drive 551 E. Mission
Dr. (Mission Dr. & College Dr.)



Founder and President
Julie Johnston
Director of Operations
Whitney Prewitt

2010 Instructors:

Jeff Smith: Henderson, 5-6AM; 6-7 AM

Tayra Lagomarsino: Summerlin 6-7 AM

Mike Mercado: SW 7-8 PM

John Johnston:
NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM; 9:30-10:30 AM;
Summerlin 6-7 PM

Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM

Stephanie Szymanski: NW 6-7 PM

Jodi Sabal: SW 5-6 AM, Saturday Adventures

Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM

Julie Johnston: Summerlin; 5-6 AM;
Henderson 6-7 PM; Special Sessions,
and will make an appearance at all classes
one time or another.
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Henderson Saturday Class

Carie Baker: SW 9:30-10:30 AM;
Summerlin 6-7 PM

MONDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM

TUESDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM

WEDNESDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM

THURSDAY
John Johnston: NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM

FRIDAY
John Johnston: NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;

SATURDAY
Jodi Sabal: Saturday Adventures

3/1-7:  19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/8-14:  Missing Tuesday (3), Wednesday (3), Thursday (5), 3+4+1.5 = 8.5 hours, 8 classes
3/15-21:  19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/22-28:  19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/29-31:  9 hours, 9 classes

74 classes.  Going to try to leave late Tuesday to make it to the morning class and to get here early Thursday to add the two night classes, adding 3 to the mix for a total of 77.

Certifications.

• Saturday 2/13/10 - AFAA primary group - awaiting results (Las Vegas, NV)
• Saturday 2/20/10 - TurboKick - PASSED (Las Vegas, NV with Linda Pramshafer)
• Sunday 3/7/10 - Schwinn Indoor Cycle (Las Vegas, NV, with Denise Druce), Certificate of Completion
• Wednesday 3/10/10 - Zumba Basic (San Diego with Beto Perez) - Certificate of Completion
• Sunday 03/14/10 - willPower and Grace (Las Vegas, NV)

Monday, March 1st, 2010 through Sunday, March 7th, 2010

FOOD:

Monday:  10 mints (50), Dove dark chocolate (42), cheese wrap (210), Shakeology X 2 (280), 2.5 oz chicken tenderloins (68), 3 protein bars (540), couscous (150), 9 oz apple (150), 1490 total calories cosumed, 3004 calories burned, 1514 deficit.

Tuesday: 10 mints (50), Dove dark chocolate (42), cheese wrap (210), Shakeology (140), couscous (150), protein bar (180), 18 oz apple (301), pistacchios (170), 1243 total calories consumed, 2972 calories burned, 1729 deficit.

Wednesday:  3 Vita-tops (300), Soy Chips (350), Cheese wrap (210), couscous (300), Shakeology (140), mints (100), Dove Dark chocolate (42), 1442 total calories consumed, 3034 calories burned, 1592 deficit.

Thursday:  16 oz apple (267), 15 oz banana (391), 4 vita tops (400), cheese wrap (210), recovery drink (220), Pistacchios (170), couscous (300), Shakeology (140), Dove Dark chocolate (42), mints (35), 2175 total calories consumed, 3278 calories burned, 1103 deficit.

Friday:  4 Vita tops (400), soy chips (350), pistacchios (170), cheese wrap (210), 2 X recovery drink (440), 1/4 Shakeology (35), couscous (300), Dove dark chocolate (42), 1947 total calories consumed, calories burned, deficit

Saturday:  I honestly can't remember what I had (if you notice it's pretty much a combination of the same) but I know I had at least a 1000 caloric deficit, so let's call it 1000.

Sunday:  2 protein bars (420), 8 oz apple (133), 15.5 oz banana (404), 2 Vita Tops (200), soy chips (350), cheese wrap (210), Recovery formula (220), couscous (300), Dove dark chocolate (42), 2279 total calories consumed,

So it's about the same as three gym classes classes (except harder) when it comes to calories, but I think it builds way more muscle and I think it raises my "resting" metabolism.  I'll be number crunching throughout the month.

SUNDAY early morning, 2/28

The start of Boot Camp Las Vegas.  No 24 Hour Fitness for a month, except for a little modification.  Rachel is doing three Zumbas, and I wouldn't miss it for the world, and Kathy's doing a TKB and Zumbas.  So what I'm going to do is take the subbed classes and just eat what I burn to neutralize the effect of the class as much as I can, so if I burned 450 calories, I will eat 450 extra calories that day.

This is the basic boot camp schedule for the month of March.  Location may change, I think I want to stick with Eyes for 9:30a (Mission Hills).  I'm feeling a little apprehensive, and I haven't felt that way until now.  And I'm going to miss 24HF terribly.  It's been my family for six months now.

Here are the subbed classes:

WEDNESDAY 3/24 Noon Cheyenne Zumba RACHEL (!!!)
WEDNESDAY 3/31 Noon Cheyenne Zumba Kathy
WEDNESDAY 4/7 Noon Cheyenne Zumba Rachel
WEDNESDAY 4/14 Noon Cheyenne Zumba Rachel

Only the first two will overlap with boot camp, so it's not TOO much interference.  I will wait until like 11:40p and then just up the calories I burned during that Zumba.

I am so excited about Rachel teaching Zumba, been waiting for that for months now.  Just found out about an hour ago.

Here's the basic Boot Camp schedule, although the location may change as I want to keep Eyes at 9:30a (Mission Hills).

So basically, to make it easy for me, it's this:
Monday:  9:30a-10:30a, 6p-8p.  3 classes
Tuesday:  9:30a-10:30a, 6p-8p.  3 classes
Wednesday:  9:30a-10:30a, 6p-8p.  3 classes
Thursday:  5a-7a, 9:30a-10:30a, 6p-8p.  5 classes
Friday:  5a-7a, 9:30a-10:30a, 6p-7p.  4 classes
Saturday:  7:30a-9a  1 class

19 classes, 19.5 hours a week.  I am looking forward to it but I'm getting butterflies now, and it's a day and some hours away.  It's like the first day of school.  I already made contact with a bunch of instructors and members through Facebook and it's going to be great, but still intimidating.  Well, more apprehensive than intimidating.  And I really will miss 24HF.

MONDAY MORNING - Still jittery, but now have a positive energy about it.  Still nervous, but looking forward to it.  Will miss everyone at 24HF terribly but most of them are on Facebook and that will ease the pain.  This is going to be good for me.  Physically it will shock my body and jump-start a renewed weight loss.  I won't be weighing myself during the month of March, last weigh-in when I get home from work and then not again until 4/1 in the morning.  It's going to be hard as I weigh myself now several times a day sometimes.  I'm not going to try not to weigh myself, I'm just going to not weigh myself.  Putting the scale in the closet.  Doing my own Body Fat and inches and then having it done by Eyes (an instructor, the one at Mission Hills M-F 9:30a-10:30a), and I took pictures.  Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 3 classes, Thursday 5, Friday 4, Saturday 1.

MONDAY NIGHT/TUESDAY MORNING - First day of boot camp. Another sign that this whole journey has been pre-determined and all I have to do is go through it. I think the purpose of 24 Hour Fitness was to set me up for Boot Camp and the purpose of BC is going to be to set me up against myself.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Got there early for measurements and finally got to meet Eyes. All in pink like Donalin. Even a pink mat. If I ever need to get her a present at least I'll know what color to get. Did weight, inches, fat. Turns out I've been holding the body fat monitor wrong and it's around 31% BF instead of 22%. That just means I can lose a lot more BF now than before!! Have to redo it at home using it right to see if I get similar results, didn't get a chance to do it today. Same exact monitor I use. Helps to have other people do measurements even if you did them yourself!! Inches was pretty much what I got, so it seems I can use a measuring tape. Weight was about 2 lbs more, clothing vs. no clothing.

There's four different boot camp locations and each location has different times. There's a set instructor for each time and you can choose which one to go to. Each class is different, and instructors are always coming up with different things to do.

To start up it seems every single class does share something in common, a mile-long "warm-up" run, or, as I like to call it, make-Debbie-pant-like-a-dog-and-heave-run. I've never heard myself heave like that before. Eyes turns to me right before the run and asks me if I can run a mile and the words that came out of my mouth were "Sure. Why not?" so that's going to my answer whenever somebody asks me if I can do something in BC.

So we ran. Some tips were to look down when you run, swing your arms, and use black top when possible. I really did feet a very noticeable difference between running on black top and cement, much easier on the knees. The knee held up pretty well.

After the run, there were a row of 11 cones set up. We were to run to each cone in succession, ready the instruction, and then come back to a row of mats or to a section of the park and do what the cone said.

So by now I'm huffing and puffing. Semi-run over to cone #1. Do 100 sit-ups. No one around me as I said, out loud mind you, "Are you f#!#*#!# kidding me?!" It seems I have quite the sailor mouth when under extreme physical stress, and that is just one of the MANY F-bombs I dropped that day while I was sure no one was around me.

So I run back to the mat and do 10. Debbie doesn't do 100 sit-ups, after all, but Debbie does 20-30, so let's do those. Once I got to 30 I just did 20 more and I got to 50. Something funny happened, my right leg started trembling uncontrollably. I would have been concerned if I wasn't too busy being taken aback by how freaking cool it was that my leg was shaking uncontrollably. That's what I'm talking about.

And then I used the gym to get through that barrier that separates what I think I can do from what I can do. I could do 10 sit ups for Linda. And I could do 10 sit ups for Beth. So there I was whispering under my breath Beth one, Beth two, Beth three, etc. Then it was Donalin's turn. Then Kathy T.'s, but by now it changed to Kathy gets one, Kathy gets two, Kathy gets three. Then it was Rachel's turn, but Rachel only got 9. Because the 100th sit up was "Debbie Does 100 Sit Ups." I write that and it still seems unbelievable that I can do 100 sit ups. It's incomprehensible. It just doesn't happen. The thought it's so absurb it's not even worth considering, that I, Debbie, could do 100 sit ups. That just doesn't happen.

So after I did 100 sit ups I get up and run to the second cone to see what hair-brained idea they had next for me.

Cone #2: 100 crunches. After 100 sit ups, 100 crunches was a piece of cake. That's until I found a crunch uses a different part of the body a sit-up does, and that part starts to hurt right around the 60th crunch. But I was able to do them without invoking the power of the Force of the gym.

Back to the cone. Cone #3: 100 V sit ups. Back to the mat. Legs up in the air, arms extended, touch the toes, back down. 100 down. Back to the cone.

Cone #4: Hold a plank for 2 minutes.

I tend to keep smiley faces and such out of the blog but the notion of me holding a plank for 2 minutes deserves a LOL (laugh out loud). Debbie doesn't do that either. At the gym I may hold it 10 seconds. So down I go and get on my knees and elbows. Eyes tells me knees off the ground and it's feet and elbows. Very funny. At the gym I have trouble even with elbows and knees. So up I do on my feel and elbows while Eyes counts down for me. Right around the minute mark, I decided I was going to hold it even if it was the last thing I did. Something took over. I was not going down. And I held it for two minutes. Me, Debbie, can hold a plank for 2 minutes. Wait until I go back to the gym and tell them I had been wrong all along. I gave up every single day and didn't even know it.

Back to the cone. Cone #5: Run around the baseball field. Run, run, run. Ask someone on the way where the baseball field is, they don't hear, turn back front and there it is, smack dab in front of me. Run run run. Get back.

Cone #6. Hold legs above ground 6 inches for two minutes. Back to mat. Down I go. Right when Eyes told me I had 50 seconds left, I gave up. I was expecting her to say 20 and I just gave up. I guess my miracle quota was full for the day (or building up for the finale, but don't skip ahead). That's ok, I get to try again next time. But I did hold it the last 10 minutes. But I completely and totally quit on that one.

Back to the cone. Cone #7. Double crunches. Let me go back and talk about form. On crunches I need to work on looking up at the sky and bringing the shoulders slightly up instead of bringing the next up at an angle. For double crunches I need to keep the legs up and just bring my shoulders up slightly.

Let's take a little detour before going on to the next cone. Eyes held my legs for the first few double crunches and I mentioned to her I had to start over when she let go after a few crunches and she asked why and I told her because she helped me and she said that's why she's there for. I really need to learn to let people help me and not be so gung-ho on going at it alone all the time. That's how I got hurt in Lift last week. This is the reinforcer message. I have a feeling in the next couple of weeks something's going to happen that if I don't let somebody help me I'm going to get seriously hurt. I hope I make the right choice when the time comes. There's only so many times G-d can hit me over the head with the message, after all.

And I noticed that I feel bad when I get encouragement, i.e. way to go, you can do this, you got this, etc. I need to learn to accept compliments and encouragement. The thing is that I feel bad that I'm performing subpar enough that someone needs to encourage me. I need to accept where I am and accept help along the way. That's something to work on.

On to cone #8: Legs on monkey bars. This involves going to monkey bars, hold on to them while your legs touch the floor, and bring your legs up into sitting-in-a-chair position and then bring them down and up without letting them touch the floor. Can't do the no touching the floor thing yet, but I'll get there. When I had 30 or so Eyes told me to just do 50 because class was about to end. I told her I could stay until I finished and she said I couldn't, and I said that's fine, I'll stay behind and finish, and she said to just do 50. When I got to 50 I decided to ignore the new directions and stick to the original plan of 100. 60. Maybe I will listen to her and quit no. No, no I won't. 70. Does Donalin get 10? Of course Donalin gets 10. Donalin gets one, Donalin gets two .... etc. etc. Does Kathy T. get 10? Yes Kathy gets one, Kathy gets two ... etc. etc. Does Rachel get 10? Yes. Does she get 10 without my feet touching the floor? Well, she got nine without my feet touching the floor. My feet slightly touched the floor around number six or seven.

On to cone #9: 100 sit ups on incline. But class was over so went to the circle to say good-bye.

While people were cleaning up the obstacles I went to the hill. Laying on a hill, head towards bottom of the hill, feet towards top of the hill. I started towards the top of the hill and then slid down slowly until my head was right at the bottom almost horizontal and my legs on the beginning of the hill. Baby steps. Stopped at 50, went to get my car keys from Eyes, and went back to the hill for another 50. 100 sit ups of any kind can never faze me again. Piece of cake. May even be able to do them by myself next time and save my gym peeps for the time Eyes gets the crazy idea to do 500, which I wouldn't put past her.

Cones were gone but I had my instructions. Cone #10: Run to the desert wall. There's a deserted area and a wall on the far end. The ground is full of rocks of different sizes and shapes. Here's a tip: Running at LVAC's indoor track: MUCH different than running on rocks and dirt. So I left my keys, sweater, and water bottle ont he grass and grabbed my iPod for the run. I started and I decided I was too tired to run it and decided to run-walk it instead. I got a little bit in when I realized leaving my keys there was not the brightest idea, and I went back for my keys. Then when I was walking back to the desert area to start the run, I decided I had had enough of the pity party and I was going to run it. I cross the street and sidewalk and get to the start of the desert area. Put on the iPod. And I start running. Here's the internal dialog that was going on in my head. Caps (CAPS) means I said it out loud as opposed to just thinking it.

This is it Debbie. This is where you decide that you're going to run this. You want life to give you a chance? You have to make your chance. Here's just chance. Right here right now. You want a chance? Here it is. Take it. Take it right now. The wall or the floor (but in a western drawl that makes wall and floor really rhyme). The wall or the floor. THE WALL OR THE FLOOR. You're either going to make it to the wall or you're going to fall into the floor full of rocks.  HOO-AH.  Or whoops (evades big pile of dog poo) step on dog poo. You will either fall to the floor or get to the wall, but you will not stop, you win run. You will run and fall to the floor or make it to the wall (Ok, GROUND, technically, but THE GROUND OR THE WALL just doesn't have the same ring, and the Hispanic in me comes out sometimes). The floor or the wall. THE FLOOR OR THE WALL. You are not going to stop. You are going to fall or make it, but you are not going to stop. The floor or the wall. You are not going to stop. You are going to fall or make it, but you are not going to stop. How bad do you want it? This is it. Who are you, Debbie? Who the F are you? Now is when you find out. Now is the time to figure out who you are. Who the F are you? Who are you? Time to figure it out. Time to look inside yourself and figure out who you are. This is who you are. You are the road. You are this. You are running. That's who you are right now. And you have to decide you are going to do this. Who are you, Debbie? Time to find out right now.

And you get the gist of it. I was going to run and make it to that wall no matter what. And I did. I got to that wall, and I touched the rock. And I touched another rock. And I turned around, and it was just me and the desert. And I raised my hands up and I yelled Hoo-ah!! Whoo!! And Hoo-ah again and Aaaaaaaarrrr again and again and again until I noticed some mobile homes behind me, then again an octave lower. And again and again. Just me and the desert and the wall. This went on for maybe a minute. Then I ran back without stopping, but I was so full of adrenaline that it was much easier coming back and all I had to do was make sure I didn't slip on the rocks since I was running considerably faster than on the way to the wall.

Then I got back to the grassy field and it was time for cone #11, 100 bicycles. Didn't know if it was 100 counting each leg as one or each set as one, so I counted each set as one. Better to do 200 than 50.

Then I got in my car and went home.

Everyone left an hour after it started, I left an hour and 37 minutes after it started. I didn't care, I was going to finish. If you give me enough time I can do most anything.

And so my first session of boot camp ended. When I got home I was so tired I slept like a baby. It was delicious and wonderful.

Second session of boot camp. It was going to be session 2 and 3 together, one after the other, and this will be my Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays for March. Eyes in the morning, Debbie and Judy at night. So I get there and Julie made one of her surprise appearances and ran it. Warm-up was running a mile, of course. But it was running a mile dragging a tire that was tied to a rope, in teams. I don't know if I helped my team drag much but I was there in spirit with them, and I didn't stop. I don't actually remember much of that session when it comes to the exercises, but it was very cold so I need gloves, both cloth ones to protect from the cold and weightlifting one to help from the roughness. Might help during Eyes' session also. Have cuts all over my knuckles.

The second session was very fun, though, and I remember we used a sledgehammer to knock a tire forward. At one point I asked where we were heading and the most awesomest reply of all: Forward. I'll have to remember that.

I remember we did this where one person got on their back and the other person on all fours with the legs on top of the other person's face and the person bench-pressed their legs. I was better at bench-pressing than being the weight, surprisingly (fat joke). Had trouble holding myself up. Felt bad for my partner who didn't get to bench-press. We all got in a line in plank and one by one each person crawled below everyone else. We grabbed a fence and raised legs up and down. We got on our hands and placed feet against a wall. All kinds of fun, and I really enjoyed it, and it was very team-ish.

Two down, one hour to go.

I didn't like this third hour as much, but I think I need it because it's going to help me improve, and here's how. This hour was very individual and without very much coddling, and dammit, I wanted to be coddled on my first day. But I wasn't this third hour. I spent most of the hour not even doing the different stations but just dragging myself from one to the other because by the time I tog there everyone was finished and had moved on to the next. But I think I need this kind of experience also of just buckling down and doing my own thing without someone holding my hand. So it was an individual hour instead of a team hour, and I just like team hour better. Even Eyes' session had a team-ish feel. But it's not that it was bad, it's just that that the other two were a style that I'm most naturally drawn to. And I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in this class other than dragging my feet back and forth.

We started the hour of course with the mile run, and I yelled out to the people in front me that I was with them so that they wouldn't leave me behind, or at least don't forget about me. From one class to another the beginning is more crazy as one side cleans and the other sets up as opposed to a fresh class. During the mile run I was by myself and the pity party won and I allowed myself to go slower because after all this was my third hour of the way and my second in a row, but by the end I really WAS feeling like I was going to buckle down into the floor so maybe I did give a bit of my all after all. I wanted to pace myself to be able to run the whole thing without stopping, and I did. And I realized in the middle of the run that it was my third mile of the day, or pretty much 5K. Not in a row, but cumulative in that day. But notice I realized that in the middle of the third mile and not the end. Because there was no way I was going to stop before I ran that whole mile, just was not going to happen.

This one was circuit based with a lot of equipment. First it was mats and push up and some other stuff. I stuck to push ups, or my version of them, anyway, down all the way, push upper body up, use legs to push lower body up, collapse lower body, collapse upper body. Then it was crawl on all four to the next cone, I used my elbows because the grass was freezing and by now my hands were getting numb. Then it was bouncing a heavy medicine ball 100 times against a wall, I got up to 20 twice, all the way above my head. Then some other type of crawl to the weights area, then 8 bicep curls, 8 shoulder press, 8 bendover rows, 8 tricep dips behind head. Then something called the alligator crawl I think to the next cone, then drag a tire tied to a rope from one cone to another, then run to the hill and do 10 scoops forward, 10 back, 10 flutter kicks, and 10 raise and lower I think. That was it over and over again for an hour. Didn't finish completely any station and spent most of the hour just dragging myself from station to station, although I did do quite a bit of the exercises themselves. The cold grass got to me a bit and my hands were numb and hurting, gloves and weightlifting gloves will help a lot, will have them by tomorrow night.

And that was my first day at boot camp. Can't wait to do it again tomorrow. But it makes me sad because I don't know how I will ever again be able to go inside the gym to exercise, I love exercising outside. But I miss my gym instructors.

TUESDAY MORNING:  Well, Boot Camp this morning was more subdued.  There's a few reasons.  First, yesterday was a pretty special day, so when you have a day like that where you just feel on top of the world, a normal day the next day can feel downright depressive.  Second, I don't think I gave it my all, and I can't figure out if it's because the three bc's yesterday tired me out of because I'm not pushing hard enough.  But something I like in BC is that it's a bunch of mini-exercises so that if for some reason you give up on something, you can go hard in the next one.  I'm happy with my performance in some things, but not overall, because I'm not sure if I'm just truly tired or just not pushing enough.

Here's a question:  How can you tell the difference between true physical exhaustion and the mental exhaustion that makes you give up before your body is truly done?  The answer is that you can't, both look exactly the same, and even if you're being truly honest with yourself, it's hard to separate both sometimes.

Ran three miles total yesterday and another one today and each one gets harder and harder.  It will start getting easier after a few days, the morning after the first day is probably going to be the worst, so if this is the worst I'm going to feel, I got off easy.  So I had way more energy yesterday than today.  My goal is just to show up, give it my all, and not stop.

SORE CHECK!!  This morning the only part that hurt was the inside of my thighs.  Now both my entire legs hurt.  In front, behind, the sides.  They are killing me.  I went to brake while I was driving and I had problems lifting my feet to the brake.  So I'm more sore today than yesterday.  Knee is giving me issues again.  But my left knee is fine, it's just the right knee that can't take impacts from landing on jumps, so the solution for now is to learn how to use the left leg to land from airtime.  At the obstacle course today it was my first time so next time I wll be a master of the left-leg technique.

Today we did an obstacle course.  But the beginning was the warm-up mile, of course.  There's something hugely oxymoronic about warm-up MILE.  WARM-UP mile.  It's wrong.  A mile it's the main course, not the WARM-UP.  That's when you know things are going to be killer after the warm-up.

Then we went to the obstacle course.  Jump venom flat.  Ok, I have to leave that sentence in.  I am so tired and my brain is so gone from this morning that I just typed "Jump venom flat" and I have no idea where that came from and where I was going with it.  I think I just went into deep REM sleep for a few seconds straight from consciousness and back when I typed that.  Back to the obstacle course.  First you had to jump over some tires, then you had to go around poles, then run backwards around cones, then run to cones, then sprint back.  I had a little competition and loved it (even better that the competition was better than me).  One time it was timed, and my time was 1 minute 21 seconds, the worst time of the class.  Can't wait to see what it is in a month.  And I run the slowest in class.  I like being the worst, because there's only way to go.

It's very easy to be strong, confident, happy when you're on top.  Very hard to do at the bottom.  So it builds character.

So I felt very choppy today, from periods of going all out to periods of pulling back.

Some more tips when running:  relax shoulders, let arms swing naturally, straight front and back, because if they cross your stomach/chest, they cool ... I am so tired from BC there goes another random word again, they CUT off your circulation if they cross your chest.  I didn't know that.  So don't let your arms cross your chest.  My iPod was dead (faulty USB port, it didn't charge) so I ran without music, which I liked because some marathons and triathlons are iPod free and I have to get used to running with just me.

There was a part where we went around a circle trying not to get the other team to catch up to us and I made a goal of making it once through the four corners and once I did I saw a guy in the other team coming towards me fast and I yelled I give up I give up and slowed down and Eyes told me not to slow down and to give it all I got.  I was having so much fun I forgot that was supposed to be BC.  That was the thing today, I was having just way too much fun.  And I was scared of him bumping into me too hard.  I'm going to have to get over my fear of a little scrape now and then.

And I have to get into the mentality of giving it everything.  I just started so I'm willing to work on it and give myself a break now and then when it doesn't come naturally right away.  I need it to be second nature never to quit and to always go above and beyond.

Calorie-wise, yesterday I burned 1442 from midnight until 11:30a and today 1366, so I AM a bit slow, 76 calories worth.  Now is that significant or not?

I'm willing to let today slide as the sophomore day and just go all out tomorrow.  But if we are going by how sore we feel, today wins.  Eyes wants me to call her class tough.  I told her she makes me want to throw up during class, I'll give it to her, that she has to earn the title of tough.  I joke around with non-BC people that BCLV thinks they are going to show me Boot Camp Tough but that in reality I am going to show them Debbie Tough.  And maybe even show myself in the process.  I have to remind myself that it's BC no matter how much fun I'm having, I kept forgetting today.

And it's only been four classes but I don't know how I can go back to the gym after this.  I'm going to have to go climb mountains or something instead.

MONDAY NIGHT:  Done for the day, have 20 minutes or so to write it up before getting ready for work.  At the first session of the night, we ran a warm-up mile.  That was one of 10 for the mission impossible class.  I got up to number four.  Number two was going up and down stairs.  Four sets of stairs, five sets, 20 sets of stairs in the bleachers.  Then run a lap backwards.  Then run while doing butt kicks.

The stairs.  I have a thing with stairs.  Collectively, all the stairs in the world, took something from me, the first thing I ever lost in my life that I couldn't replace.  I don't hyperventilate around stairs and I use them all the time, but not a big fan of stairs.  And it was DARK.  I'm not used to the dark because I've worked an overnight shift since 2002.  So bleachers stairs, in the dark.  So I wasn't going to go fast, I was just going to go through it.  My one thought when going up and down stairs is don't slip and die.  By the second set I was already sobbing, and by the end of the fourth set I was full on crying.  There was the whole asking the night "Why" and of course the obligatory "What do you want from me" while looking up at the sky.  It affects me more than I think.  I don't think I've fully dealt with my dad dying.  I've hurt, I've cried, I've mostly moved on, but I think I'm still in denial.  So that Boot Camp, not so fun.  Don't want me to break the rule of No Crying In Boot Camp?  Don't have me do 20 sets of stairs.  I still am not over it enough to be able to do it without crying.

My legs are sore but I'm taking my massage stick with me to work tonight, and I have to go at it hard tomorrow morning because I didn't feel I did enough today.  I need one session of full on hard.  Especially after tonight.  Tiredness be damned.  I was talking to my dragger on the second session and I told her how when you can't really move your whole life and suddenly you can, you want to move all the time and it's a blessing any time you exercise.

The second session consisted of a warm-up mile, another 1/4 mile just for fun, then someone dragging you back with a harness while you attempt to run for 1/4 mile, then another 1/4 mile just for fun, hard dragging 1/4 mile, me dragging someone 1/4 mile, another 1/4 mile just for fun.  2.5 miles, 4.5 for the day,  7.5 for the week.

TUESDAY NIGHT/WEDNESDAY EARLY MORNING:  So I burned less today, but not by much.  29 calories.  I wonder if that's even worth calling it a difference. But I'm determined to break through 3004 tomorrow. I have to go all out in class. My legs are good, massaging them now. Little sore. I've found that if I sit still it hurts more than if I move, once I get going there's no pain. And I noticed I picked up a little steam at the end of the third class tonight. I'm expecting to do close or at 4k Thursday adn 3.5k Friday. Saturday and Sunday are going to be slow burn days. Sunday no exercise at all. Might actually go to the gym and take a Yoga class, two if I can fit them into the schedule. Hah, nevermind, forgot Sunday is indoor cycle certification day. I went to look at the schedule and wondered why all the cycle classes were cancelled. So I'll be working out Sunday but I've found Cycle is a gentler kind of working out and it doesn't hurt afterwards, and it's been good on my sore knee, it always feels good afterwards.

In my case I peter out fast but I recover fast. From the end of the night BC to the beginning of the morning BC I recover, and from the end of the morning BC to the beginning of the afternoon/night BCs. So I have both a fast exhaustion and a fast recuperation.  I'm actually feeling pretty good and rested right now, legs of course still hurt, but nothing I haven't experienced before, they're just being used in a way they're not used to.  My sophomore day is over and things should only improve from here.

Later today we're doing something called the Towers.  No idea what it is, but I hear it's brutal, and looking forward to it.  When I mentioned to other people in other BC sessions yesterday that we were doing the Towers today I got mostly grimaces and good lucks.

I need a good pair of shoes, getting some in-between morning and night BCs.  Someone told me in the night BC (third one... the middle one is going to be the afternoon BC to be able to tell them apart easily even though they're only an hour apart) that they can hear me running and I'm not having enough foot support.  They used to measure people for athletic shoes.  Is that awesome or what?  They can hear me running.  Going to invest in one GOOD pair of shoes.  They said I need good foot support if I want to do the BCs because if the foot gets too beat up it takes weeks to recover, and I do feel my ankles a bit, doing ankle rotations to help them out a bit.  These shoes I have now are not going to be enough, though.  So the equipment list so far:  Running/walking shoes, working out gloves, cloth gloves, and a mat.  Getting it all tomorrow in between BCs.  They recommended Dick's Sporting Goods.

I'm getting a bit used to the dark.  And there's something nice to exercising in the dark.  Tomorrow morning I really need to spend that half an hour loading some songs into my iPod in case the Towers involves a lot of running or walking, my favorite songs are in my Touch and that one doesn't go to BC, only the Nano does.  I have about an hour, so half an hour to eat, shower, get ready, and half an hour to load up my songs.

I really don't want to seem like I'm bagging on the gym, because it's not my intention.  The gym was an integral part of my life for eight months.  I lived there.  GX classes have changed my life.  But there's a core difference between the gym and BC.  I think at the gym there's a lot of people that go to the gym to feel like they got their workout in.  And most of them do.  And a lot of people change their life at the gym.  But BC is not about getting a workout, it's about pushing yourself with every single thing that you do.  It's about going all out not just in the Turbo, but all over.  It's about 1000% every single time.  I like that.  In nine months I went from a total couch potato to an adrenalin junkie.  I thrive now on pushing myself and testing the limits of physicality.  I was mentioning to someone how blessed I feel that I can move now after a lifetime of not moving.  I feel lucky I can exercise, and it feels good.  The more I can do the more I want to do.  I love feeling my body move, and if something hurts, I just how lucky I am to be able to do it at all and how it's good for me.

I noticed that I pretty much accepted pain as part of exercising without question.  Like it's supposed to hurt.  And there's the pain that you push through, like the leg pain I have now due to using new muscles I didn't know existed, and the pain you don't push through, like the pain in my right knee when I land on it.  I really think TKB is too high impact and you have to be careful with it.  Cat has been showing me ways to kind of bounce-land with little bounced so that your feet take the shock instead of the knee.  And when I took the last TKB on Friday I was landing on my toes and I was  able to use my right leg whereas I couldn't use my right leg if I landed on the whole foot, so there's ways to minimize the shock of landing.  The trick is to be able to tell the difference between both kinds of pain.  Same as to when you are sick, when do you keep going to the gym and when do you stay home.  And it's an individual question that only each of us can answer in our own particular case.  But there is such a thing as pounding in your joints and there's only so much the joints can take.

I'm trying to eat more but exercise takes my hunger away instead of making me more hungry, and I mostly just make myself eat just to make sure I have fuel to exercise.  I was low in protein today, will have to up it tomorrow.

THURSDAY NIGHT:  Tons to blog about.  Let's take it a step at a time.

Wednesday's boot camp classes.

For the morning class, we went to The Towers, which are a couple of water towers behind a fence.  There's two steep  inclines that make a 90 degree angle and lead to the towers.  We went up running to the towers once, then back down, then up the first include with a weight, then back down, then harness work with a partner up the include, then down, then up, then down, backwards up the incline with a partner racing, back down, then sprints up the incline with a partner.  Then something really cool called the Indian Run.  You get in a line and start shuffling up.  The last person in line runs to the front, then the new last person in line runs up front, all the way to the top.  Each person got to run to the front of the line 5-6 times.  We finished by going up both inclines again.

At the beginning of the class I did the two inclines instead of The Loop since I was new, so I did the loop after class.  Up the side of a hill filled with rocks (mountain?), then running through a rocky trail, then up the other side of the incline, then up the second incline, then all the way back down.

The first night boot camp was a mile run harnessed to a tire dragging on the ground.  It was awesome, and running without a tire is not as much fun anymore.  Then we leaned against a wall squatting, even one-legged, we leapfrogged over each other, we did harness work, hill work hopping forward with both feet, backwards with both feet, power jumps, little jumps, squat jumps, crab crawl with harness, forward crawl with harness, both partners pushing against each other, both partners back to back.

For the third boot camp we went to the towers in the dark.  You do not want to go there by yourself.  It was very dark.  We did lunges up the incline and then side squats up the incline.

On Friday morning, I took two early morning sessions and both consisted of the same.  Mile warm-up, situps, then the rest of the class bench press and push-ups.

Eyes' session was awesome as usual.  I noticed by going to four different sessions that this one is the more team-ish and the one I enjoy the most, and it's also the one that's more likely to use nature as the resistance instead of equipment, which I absolutely adore.

We went to the wall and then we spent half an hour dragging rocks together to form a fort/pile/mountain-like structure.  It worked out upper arms and legs a little, and it was awesome.  That's the kind of stuff I like, Rocky vs. technology-type stuff, like when Rocky is training for Drago and they show them back-to-back, Drago in the gym and Rocky out in nature working out the same muscle groups with wheelbarrows and snow.  I like stuff like that.  Then we ran back, leaned against the wall, then after class I ran another mile then went home.

Had one session at night, different exercises to work the arm, the highlight was bench dips using an actual bench.  How cool is that?  One-arm wall push-ups using an actual wall.  Crab crawls, bomb divers, etc.

Then I was told I couldn't do the second night session and went to the car and had a long message waiting for me on my voicemail.  Boot camp classes if taken correctly should wear you out in one class, more than one could land in the hospital, it wasn't fair to other campers to go really tired to a session and not be able to keep up, etc., etc.  There went my perfectly planned adventure.

And I wondered.  I talked about how I got injured in Lift because I refused help, and how I thought it was a sign that if I didn't accept help in the near future I was going to be seriously injured and it was kind of like a warning.  Well, what if instead of help what I was going to be given was advice, and what if this was it?

So I decided to just do everything she says.  Dropping boot camp to one class a day Mondays-Fridays, the 9:30a one.  Adding one class at the gym a day, and then ChaLean Extreme at home.  That should make it more rounded.  Even it out a bit.

I don't regret these last four days, though.  The biggest things I got from them were that I finally tapped into that space in-between when the mind gives up and where the body gives up.  Who knew I could do 100 sit-ups?  I think I can do 100 jumping jacks, and I'll be trying that next week once I rest up a bit.  And I gained a tremendous love for the outdoors.  It got to experience the sun, fresh air, breeze, grass, dirt, and I love all of it, so I'll be trying out more outdoor adventures.

So I'm down but not out.  Time to regroup and come back stronger than ever.  My boot camp adventure is over and on to the next step.  Something that BCLV also gave me is that it has started to take away my fear of life.  I'm about to agree to go paintballing with someone, even though I KNOW already it's going to leave ugly bruises and hurt like hell, and I'll go skydiving sometime in 2010.  I've discovered a new zest for life and the outdoors and just pretty much adventures and new experiences, and just moving.  Moving feels good.  What I'm going to try to do now is to find how to incorporate fitness into outdoor activities and have a little bit of everything (boot camp, gym, home DVDs, outdoor activities) all rolled into one complete fitness experience.

During the next two weeks I have trainings for Zumba, Schwinn, and willPower and Grace, but on 3/21 I'm going kayaking.

Debbie out.

FRIDAY AFTERNOON:  Ok, so I've been honest all along, so why not tell the whole story instead of skating around it.  I had planned five boot camp classes yesterday.  I went to three Monday, three Tuesday, three Wednesday.  After my fourth one, the instructor for the fifth one said the boot camp owner had left me a message and I wasn't allowed to take her class.  This was interesting because the payment plan I selected was "all the classes you want" and the owner and I had discussed briefly her concerns that I was taking too many classes and I told her I'd sign a waiver releasing her from any and all responsibility for injury or death.  So I get in my car and check my messages and there's a long voice message about renal failure and protein breakdown and classes were meant to wear a person out and if taken correctly you shouldn't be able to take more than one a day and not fair to other people if you're all tired on your third class and you're not keeping up, etc. etc. etc.  That she'd be negligent if she let me take that many classes.  That she'd give me a refund if I wanted it but she wasn't going to budge on this one.

So what else could I do?  I like their playground, I play by their rules.  So dropping boot camp classes to once a day six times a week, and adding one gym class a day, and rounding it up with BeachBody's ChaLean Extreme.  That's going to be my fitness regime.  On Sundays I will either take adventures (hiking, kayaking, biking, etc.), Yoga, or just relax once in a while and maybe just walk.

I've had this mindset this whole time that I was going to choose what was good for me and how I was going to do things and it has worked for me so far, and I've pushed myself farther than people thought I should, and nothing bad has come of it.  I've had regular doctor checkups and all of them indicate I have the insides of a healthy young woman, including heart and lungs, and my bloodwork is pretty much perfect (cholesterol, etc.). But I'm willing to back down once in a while.  Like I told someone, I'm both the first and the last person to throw in the towel, depending on the situation.

And I realized that my mind, spirit, and soul are skinny already while my body still has to catch up.  When you're fat, it's not just your physical body that's fat.  Your whole being is fat.  You don't move, you stay in bed, in the couch, you eat to comfort yourself, etc.  My mind and soul are already 110 lbs, my body, 148.5 (yes, I gained 2 lbs after four days of boot camp).  I have to wait up a little more in order to use my body the way I want to, Olympic-athlete style.

The thing is, that I was never thin, I've been overweight or obese my whole entire life.  So when you wake up one day and all of a sudden after 31 years you are able to move .... you never want to stop ever again, and want to make up for lost time.  This whole thing is a new experience for me.  You feel blessed to wake up every morning and have your body and the ability to use it.  You never want to lose that again, and you want to experience it 24/7.  I'm just happy, period.  I feel blessed, gifted, lucky.  I was given a new lease on life, and I wake up every morning ecstatic to be alive.  Losing weight really does change your whole entire life.

So going to make boot camp/gym/ChaLean a routine and see that first week how much I burn so that I can adjust the eating to match it and then just fall into that routine for a couple of months.  I do like it when I have calories in and out figured out and can spend my time exercising instead of number crunching (surprisingly exercise has now exceeded the enjoyment value of number-crunching, or maybe I've just gotten better at doing the number-crunching in my head.

The owner had a promise of a signature on any waiver she drew up and still refused because she'd feel negligent, legal matters aside.  That's why I like her and her business.

So my Boot Camp Adventure has officially come to a close.  Would I have changed any part of it?  Not a thing.  In four short days I gained a love of the outdoors, I pushed myself harder than ever before, I broke the barrier between the mind giving up and the body giving up, I started to lose my fear of life (i.e. slipping on rocks).  All of that is priceless and things I will take with me from this experience.

So I've come up to the point that I can talk myself into pretty much anything.  Put me in front of a mirror for 10 minutes and I can do pretty much anything (i.e. 100 sit-ups, teach a segment in front of a class, etc.).  The next step is to tap into myself so that I can achieve the same results just from a natural drive without having to talk myself up at all.

These four days of boot camp have also started to shift how I approach life.  I asked during one exercise which direction we were heading and someone said "Forward."  I don't ask what we're doing anymore or where we're going or how far we have to go.  I just show up and do my best and then push myself a little beyond that.

Today's boot camp consisted of running an hour in the rocky desert, and I lasted the whole time, beating my previous record of a continuous half an hour.  I go slow but I go far.  It was great.  Beautiful views, the sun, birds actually chirping, the wind, it's just a wonderful experience, and I loved it.  I've loved every day of the morning boot camp.  I can't wait to see what's in store Monday.


Debbie out.

SUNDAY LATE AFTERNOON/EARLY NIGHT:  Saturday morning's boot camp finally wore me out.  I had planned to go to Kelly's TKB at the gym but I couldn't, I have nothing left in me.  Went home, fell asleep without setting the alarm, and almost slept through Bill Fayne's benefit concert, woke up just in time to get ready and go.  The boot camp consisted of doing stuff while carrying a 12 lb medicine ball.  I'm still scared of slipping on rocks, need to get over that fear and just go up and down hills with the rocks.

Today was the Schwinn certification, pretty life-changing, and although it wasn't all needed, it was a big piece.

Here's what going on right now:  People telling me I'm exercising too much.  Apparently I'm anorexic and I'm on the cusp of dying from exercising.  Coming from boot camp people, from work (where we had an "intervention" to save me), and from a bulletin board that I rarely post in because I don't find it supportive.

Here's what I don't get:  I'm not doing ANYTHING different and yet people are reacting to it differently.  When it comes to how hard I'm going over what my body is comfortable doing, I'm doing exactly the same I've been doing all along.  My body's in better shape so what I can do is getting harder, but not the relative toughness of it.  As my body gets better, what I try to do progressively gets harder.  But I guess my body's gotten into good enough shape that what I aspire to do has gotten beyond people's comfort zones.  But it's like you're the same that you've been all along and all of a sudden everyone's like whoa slow down there.  So you don't change, but the people around you do.  It's head-scratching.

And here's the part that pisses me off.  I watch what I eat, I count calories, I do 30% protein, 20% fat, 50% carbs, I read about nutrition and exercise, I cross-train, I have regular checkups at the doctor, I monitor my bloodwork (cholestero, triglycerides, etc.), and according to my doctor I have the body of a healthy and active young woman.  Heck, I even drive more carefully because of all the time I'm putting into my body, to keep it safe.  So I'm coming in with this mentality of safety first and that if you injure yourself all that does is keep you from the gym so it's counter-productive, I go low impact and even stay home from the gym when sick, I stay off the right knee when it hurts, I skip TKB when the back wasn't well, I pull back in cycle when I was sick, I do all these modifications to make sure my body's holding up.  So for me to spend all this time and worry into making sure I'm as optimal as can be to go as hard as I can and then have people freaking call me anorexic when I'm putting in 2000+ calories a day it's just annoying and it's really starting to piss me off.

And I am not too skinny.  I am still considered overweight.  I went up to around 149 lbs after being my lowest of 146.5 lbs on 3/1, so not only have I not lost in a week, I've gained.  But I've had 1k calorie deficits every single day of the week instead of today, had a training so I ate up to what I burned.  It's just discouraging to come from the mindset that you even pay more attention on the road and then have people treat you like you're this reckless timebomb waiting to explode.  Today I had my first day in ages where I ate what I burned because of the training, no deficit today (or much of it, going to be pretty close burn/consume).

Tell me how a 5'4" 149-lbs 31-year-old woman consuming 2000 calories a day is anorexic.  Please.  I'm dying to know (apparently).

I actually agree with BCLV about cutting down to one a day and just taking that one correctly.  It's going to be better to just go all out on one class, it's going to be better for my teammates to have me full force, better for me, what I can achieve full force in one class is going to be higher than what I can achieve at 75% in four classes, and it's going to be better for my physiologically and psychologically.  So it was just a misunderstanding in class formats, I'm happy to go down to one and supplement with the gym and home DVDs.

But I don't agree that I'm "killing myself."  I am health and safety conscious.  And I certainly don't agree that I'm anorexic, and that word is being thrown around.  Someone at work said I looked like "crap."  Time to upload some pictures to the blog to show how crappy I look.

/Rant over, Debbie out.

Legend - if there's an abbreviation you don't understand, it's probably here.

What do the numbers mean? Right after the day, time, gym, location, and instructor information, you will first see ## / ## / ##. The first number is the class length in minutes. The second is calories burned. The third is % fat burned. The second and third set of numbers look like ## / ## %, ## / ## %. The first is the peak heart rate attained, both in raw number and percentage. The other set is the average heart rate obtained, both in raw number and percentage.



What is gross vs. net calories? If you notice I calculate how many calories I burned in a week at rest. When I exercise, I calculate how many calories I would have burned in that period of time and subtract that from what my heart rate monitor says I burned, to get net calories burned. If I hadn't gone to the gym, I would have still burned calories during that time, so this helps in not double-counting calories burned.