Wednesday, March 31, 2010
What is the meaning behind Debbie Tough?
On 3/1/10 I started going to an outdoors boot camp called Boot Camp Las Vegas. It's outdoor fitness for adults (http://www.bootcamplasvegas.com). I fell in love with it during the first class. And they have a motto, and something they say after every class: Boot Camp Tough. And I have this attitude that the harder the better, so I jokingly said I was so tough I wasn't Boot Camp Tough, I was my own kind of tough, Debbie Tough. Even got a Boot Camp shirt with Debbie Tough on the back. But there's a bit of philosophy behind it. I found the boot camp mentality spilling over into my everyday life, and I went from being helpless to being ready and able to figure out anything that life threw my way, and just throwing myself into situations. So Debbie Tough is about taking the Boot Camp Tough mentality and carrying it over with me into my everyday life instead of just having it for an hour a day. It's about making that thought process of being able to handle anything (not DO anything.... HANDLE anything) part of your core so that one day you don't have to think about it (Ok, I'm Boot Camp Tough, I can handle this, etc.) and it comes out as second nature. It's about taking everything that makes you YOU and meshing it together with the Boot Camp mentality and coming out with someone who still gets afraid but does it anyway and can handle anything life throws their way. That's Debbie Tough.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22nd, 2010 through Sunday, March 28th, 2010
MONDAY NIGHT: On Monday we had abs day in boot camp, neck hurt with sit ups and crunches, did what I could while holding on to my neck for support. Ran a lot. Bought headphones that hook around the ear, no more fiddling with falling headphones. I want to become a skilled runner, biker, and swimmer, and don't mind putting in the time and effort to learn how to do them correctly.
Then went biking for 10 miles, MUCH better with cage shoes. Went around the boot camp area and the Towers area, saw a lot of beautiful huge foreclosed houses. That's a bit over half the triathlon length on my second day of training but the triathlon will have a lot more hills. Had a couple of hills where I just told myself I would climb them, and did. Tried to picture myself in Dallas' class with her telling us to go up the hill but it didn't work because real hill climbing is nothing like the experience at the gym. Had Zumba at six. Did not do ChaLean, didn't have the energy, I will rearrange days off so that I do the whole program this week but with different days off. It turns my metabolism into a furnace, from 60-70 an hour to upwards of 97 calories an hour at rest, it's just insane.
So on to some philosophizing. After being told last week that my body and mind still thought I was fat, I wrote that "article" that I posted last week. Won't repeat what I wrote here, I'd recommend reading it to get a better sense of the following discussion. So after I wrote that article I went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and literally said "hi" out loud, like I was meeting somebody new. And in a way, I was. Fat Debbie died in my sleep. It wasn't traumatic, it was like sending ashes in an urn down a quiet sea. And that day I wore shorts and a t-shirt, kind of like training wheels for what I wore Monday. Wrote the article Wednesday night, wore the shorts Thursday and Friday. Then today I wore tight pants and a tight tank top. Feels great, more aerodynamic. And wore it to my first gym class, appropriately Linda, who was the first person to straight out ask me if I was ready to start wearing skinny clothes. So I thought that was the perfect class to wear real skinny clothes for the first time. It's funny because I didn't tell her and just showed up and saw her in the parking lot and she did a double take when she saw me. HA! (her favorite expression).
Wasn't self-conscious at all when I wore it to boot camp or when I went into the class. When I started MOVING ... let's just say jiggle city. It wasn't childbirth-level painful, but it was worse than I thought and made me very self-conscious. But by now I'm to the point that I can be very self-conscious and still move without a care in the world. And then in the middle of the class a woman just comes up to me (I've been taking Linda's classes for months now and I'm a regular at that particular class) and tells me that I look good. Just like that. I could get used to this. So there I am watching the jiggles in the mirror and this woman just comes up to me and tells me I look good. And at work I caught a guy giving me the once-over and smiling appreciatively. Can't wait to finish shaving off the fat and toning my body, now it's just a block of ice waiting to be shaped.
If you've been reading the entire blog or most of it you may know by now that I'm big into timing, and that I think I'm in a journey that someone chose for me and that I don't know where it leads and this is all happening TO me instead of me making it happen. And I think that article came just in time to be able to get that all down on paper before it went away. Fat Debbie's last hurrah, if you will. A way to say goodbye. That picture DOES look like it belongs in a memorial service. And once I got it all down I was free to let go. But I think maybe that article was the last step I needed in letting go, and it all built up during the week from Michele shattering my 24HF instructing dreams (well, I'm still fighting it) on Sunday to LVAC shattering my LVAC teaching dreams (that I didn't have) on Monday to a handful of people giving me the message that I act fat but I'm not fat early on in the week to the article on Wednesday night.
I've never thought of my body as something to be admired. And it's weird because I'm wearing the clothes and posing for Facebook pictures but it's more because what I'm supposed to do to train my body and mind to be thin. I try to keep my shoulders back when sitting and standing. I try to think thin, be thin. There's really no turning back now, I guess. I sometimes think about eating myself into being fat again. Not seriously, more as a what-if. And I know I can never let that happen ever again in my entire life. I'll gain weight like when I get pregnant, because I do want kids, but I am never being fat again. It's funny because I can have that life back. I can sit in front of the TV and eat on the pounds, and it's all within my reach and power. And yet I don't.
I'm having problems with ChaLean, didn't do it yesterday. Still on course to finish off the week if I do burn intervals/abs today, then Burn 3 Wednesday, burn it off/recharge Thursday, then start week 3 Friday with Burn 1 and then rest day Saturday. So if I can power through 4 days I can have a day off.
SATURDAY MORNING: Still not writing daily, which I really want to do. New week coming up. Can't remember what we did Tuesday, but Wednesday (legs day) we played Capture the Flag. We were on one of a big field, and on the other end was a hill littered with little flags stuck to the ground. Two people strapped themselves to a tire and ran across the field, each grabbed a flag, then back. My team came in last, I'd say thanks to me. I'm getting better in running but in this particular exercise still weak. On Thursday, arms day, we separated into two teams, one team dispersed stuff around the field (tires, weights, medicine balls, etc.) and the other team brought it back, etc. If you couldn't bring back all of it, you lose the round. My team won both rounds. Yesterday we went running a lot and threw rocks.
Got my hair colored red with blonde highlights and a layered cut, and it fits me to a T. I found my perfect hairdo. Red goes with my skin tones and eyes better than brown does, and the highlights bring out a sassiness. Still wearing the tank tops and tights to the gym but wearing t-shirts to boot camp because of the sun.
Weight holding steady. Thursday night I ended up in the emergency room (again). Was doing ChaLean Extreme cardio and I had just eaten right before for fuel and I started getting this pain in my abdomen (right above the stomach). Now to put this into perspective, it had been a very hard week for me doing CE because of time constraints and I was down to the last half hour of exercise to finish the week. I couldn't stop now! And even Chalene was telling me to push through it. I had to push through the pain, just 30 more minutes. But the pain was getting worse and worse. And I'm someone who never gives up, and was 30 minutes away from successfully finishing week 2 of a very hard week time-wise. It was 11:20p. And I gave up. I went to my room and lay in bed in pain. I will skip ahead a bit since we don't really need to know all that transpired. Let's just say I was not feeling well. Got up, walked around, told nephew I was fine, went back into the room, felt like I was going to drop to the floor, threw myself into the bed, unsure if I actually fainted for a few seconds or not, walked out, told nephew nope, I'm not ok, fell backwards taking a wooden bookcase with me, nephew pushed the bookcase to the side out of the way and I fell back against a chair that was next to the wall. This is when he decided to take me to the emergency room. By now the pain is bad. He wants me to talk to make sure I'm conscious, and talking is the last thing I feel like doing. We get to the hospital, wait to go in to a bed, doubled over in extreme pain, telling myself I'm boot camp tough, I'm boot camp tough, but the pain is just too much. I ask them to please give me something for the pain, they can't until the doctor sees me, the doctor can't see me until I'm on a bed, I can't be on a bed until they clean it. I almost told them to just give me a dirty bed.
Finally get into a bed, get seen by the doctor (the whole thing took about 6 hours, from around 1a to around 7a), and it turns out I had acid reflux so bad it turned into vaso-vagal acid reflux - acid reflux with faintiness. Who gets that? Seriously? I exercise seven hours one day and I end up in the emergency room because of fainty acid reflux? Hello? Gave me something for my stomach and pumped 4 servings of saline in me (no calories, I asked). Lots of salt, though. And you know what salt does? Grabs on water. 7 lbs of weight gained in two days. Lost 4 of them so far (now it's Sunday night, sometimes it takes me days to write a post), waiting for the other three.
So my performance Friday in boot camp suffered and I was last again, but we do what we can. I pushed as much as I could, even not being at 100%. I had slept a little while they pumped saline in me. And I found out losing weight makes it easier to get an IV in you. No more bruises!!
Saturday I skipped boot camp and took Kelly's TKB at the gym, hadn't taken her in seven weeks, four weeks sick during February then boot camp for three weeks, Saturday boot camp wears me out (and I went to Julie's instead one week, then the other week went biking, and the first of those three weeks I was just too pooped). Then took Olga's Zumba in the afternoon, hadn't taken her since 1/1 when I got kicked out of 24HF due to lack of bikes. Thinking of adding Charli's BodyCombat next week and having Saturdays be boot camp+Kelly+Charli+Olga. If I can manage it. Nephew's birthday, ate steak and baked potatoes with fruit at Gondon Biersch's. Sunday I took it easy and just took a Zumba with Pam in the morning and slept the rest of the day.
Have a lot to write about this coming week, still percolating in my mind. Lots of changes inside. But I'm closing off this week. I'll update food logs tonight, I keep up with them in my food logging website. Debbie out.
Then went biking for 10 miles, MUCH better with cage shoes. Went around the boot camp area and the Towers area, saw a lot of beautiful huge foreclosed houses. That's a bit over half the triathlon length on my second day of training but the triathlon will have a lot more hills. Had a couple of hills where I just told myself I would climb them, and did. Tried to picture myself in Dallas' class with her telling us to go up the hill but it didn't work because real hill climbing is nothing like the experience at the gym. Had Zumba at six. Did not do ChaLean, didn't have the energy, I will rearrange days off so that I do the whole program this week but with different days off. It turns my metabolism into a furnace, from 60-70 an hour to upwards of 97 calories an hour at rest, it's just insane.
So on to some philosophizing. After being told last week that my body and mind still thought I was fat, I wrote that "article" that I posted last week. Won't repeat what I wrote here, I'd recommend reading it to get a better sense of the following discussion. So after I wrote that article I went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and literally said "hi" out loud, like I was meeting somebody new. And in a way, I was. Fat Debbie died in my sleep. It wasn't traumatic, it was like sending ashes in an urn down a quiet sea. And that day I wore shorts and a t-shirt, kind of like training wheels for what I wore Monday. Wrote the article Wednesday night, wore the shorts Thursday and Friday. Then today I wore tight pants and a tight tank top. Feels great, more aerodynamic. And wore it to my first gym class, appropriately Linda, who was the first person to straight out ask me if I was ready to start wearing skinny clothes. So I thought that was the perfect class to wear real skinny clothes for the first time. It's funny because I didn't tell her and just showed up and saw her in the parking lot and she did a double take when she saw me. HA! (her favorite expression).
Wasn't self-conscious at all when I wore it to boot camp or when I went into the class. When I started MOVING ... let's just say jiggle city. It wasn't childbirth-level painful, but it was worse than I thought and made me very self-conscious. But by now I'm to the point that I can be very self-conscious and still move without a care in the world. And then in the middle of the class a woman just comes up to me (I've been taking Linda's classes for months now and I'm a regular at that particular class) and tells me that I look good. Just like that. I could get used to this. So there I am watching the jiggles in the mirror and this woman just comes up to me and tells me I look good. And at work I caught a guy giving me the once-over and smiling appreciatively. Can't wait to finish shaving off the fat and toning my body, now it's just a block of ice waiting to be shaped.
If you've been reading the entire blog or most of it you may know by now that I'm big into timing, and that I think I'm in a journey that someone chose for me and that I don't know where it leads and this is all happening TO me instead of me making it happen. And I think that article came just in time to be able to get that all down on paper before it went away. Fat Debbie's last hurrah, if you will. A way to say goodbye. That picture DOES look like it belongs in a memorial service. And once I got it all down I was free to let go. But I think maybe that article was the last step I needed in letting go, and it all built up during the week from Michele shattering my 24HF instructing dreams (well, I'm still fighting it) on Sunday to LVAC shattering my LVAC teaching dreams (that I didn't have) on Monday to a handful of people giving me the message that I act fat but I'm not fat early on in the week to the article on Wednesday night.
I've never thought of my body as something to be admired. And it's weird because I'm wearing the clothes and posing for Facebook pictures but it's more because what I'm supposed to do to train my body and mind to be thin. I try to keep my shoulders back when sitting and standing. I try to think thin, be thin. There's really no turning back now, I guess. I sometimes think about eating myself into being fat again. Not seriously, more as a what-if. And I know I can never let that happen ever again in my entire life. I'll gain weight like when I get pregnant, because I do want kids, but I am never being fat again. It's funny because I can have that life back. I can sit in front of the TV and eat on the pounds, and it's all within my reach and power. And yet I don't.
I'm having problems with ChaLean, didn't do it yesterday. Still on course to finish off the week if I do burn intervals/abs today, then Burn 3 Wednesday, burn it off/recharge Thursday, then start week 3 Friday with Burn 1 and then rest day Saturday. So if I can power through 4 days I can have a day off.
SATURDAY MORNING: Still not writing daily, which I really want to do. New week coming up. Can't remember what we did Tuesday, but Wednesday (legs day) we played Capture the Flag. We were on one of a big field, and on the other end was a hill littered with little flags stuck to the ground. Two people strapped themselves to a tire and ran across the field, each grabbed a flag, then back. My team came in last, I'd say thanks to me. I'm getting better in running but in this particular exercise still weak. On Thursday, arms day, we separated into two teams, one team dispersed stuff around the field (tires, weights, medicine balls, etc.) and the other team brought it back, etc. If you couldn't bring back all of it, you lose the round. My team won both rounds. Yesterday we went running a lot and threw rocks.
Got my hair colored red with blonde highlights and a layered cut, and it fits me to a T. I found my perfect hairdo. Red goes with my skin tones and eyes better than brown does, and the highlights bring out a sassiness. Still wearing the tank tops and tights to the gym but wearing t-shirts to boot camp because of the sun.
Weight holding steady. Thursday night I ended up in the emergency room (again). Was doing ChaLean Extreme cardio and I had just eaten right before for fuel and I started getting this pain in my abdomen (right above the stomach). Now to put this into perspective, it had been a very hard week for me doing CE because of time constraints and I was down to the last half hour of exercise to finish the week. I couldn't stop now! And even Chalene was telling me to push through it. I had to push through the pain, just 30 more minutes. But the pain was getting worse and worse. And I'm someone who never gives up, and was 30 minutes away from successfully finishing week 2 of a very hard week time-wise. It was 11:20p. And I gave up. I went to my room and lay in bed in pain. I will skip ahead a bit since we don't really need to know all that transpired. Let's just say I was not feeling well. Got up, walked around, told nephew I was fine, went back into the room, felt like I was going to drop to the floor, threw myself into the bed, unsure if I actually fainted for a few seconds or not, walked out, told nephew nope, I'm not ok, fell backwards taking a wooden bookcase with me, nephew pushed the bookcase to the side out of the way and I fell back against a chair that was next to the wall. This is when he decided to take me to the emergency room. By now the pain is bad. He wants me to talk to make sure I'm conscious, and talking is the last thing I feel like doing. We get to the hospital, wait to go in to a bed, doubled over in extreme pain, telling myself I'm boot camp tough, I'm boot camp tough, but the pain is just too much. I ask them to please give me something for the pain, they can't until the doctor sees me, the doctor can't see me until I'm on a bed, I can't be on a bed until they clean it. I almost told them to just give me a dirty bed.
Finally get into a bed, get seen by the doctor (the whole thing took about 6 hours, from around 1a to around 7a), and it turns out I had acid reflux so bad it turned into vaso-vagal acid reflux - acid reflux with faintiness. Who gets that? Seriously? I exercise seven hours one day and I end up in the emergency room because of fainty acid reflux? Hello? Gave me something for my stomach and pumped 4 servings of saline in me (no calories, I asked). Lots of salt, though. And you know what salt does? Grabs on water. 7 lbs of weight gained in two days. Lost 4 of them so far (now it's Sunday night, sometimes it takes me days to write a post), waiting for the other three.
So my performance Friday in boot camp suffered and I was last again, but we do what we can. I pushed as much as I could, even not being at 100%. I had slept a little while they pumped saline in me. And I found out losing weight makes it easier to get an IV in you. No more bruises!!
Saturday I skipped boot camp and took Kelly's TKB at the gym, hadn't taken her in seven weeks, four weeks sick during February then boot camp for three weeks, Saturday boot camp wears me out (and I went to Julie's instead one week, then the other week went biking, and the first of those three weeks I was just too pooped). Then took Olga's Zumba in the afternoon, hadn't taken her since 1/1 when I got kicked out of 24HF due to lack of bikes. Thinking of adding Charli's BodyCombat next week and having Saturdays be boot camp+Kelly+Charli+Olga. If I can manage it. Nephew's birthday, ate steak and baked potatoes with fruit at Gondon Biersch's. Sunday I took it easy and just took a Zumba with Pam in the morning and slept the rest of the day.
Have a lot to write about this coming week, still percolating in my mind. Lots of changes inside. But I'm closing off this week. I'll update food logs tonight, I keep up with them in my food logging website. Debbie out.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 15th, 2010 through Sunday, March 21st, 2010
FOOD (will finish updating the week's food in the next few days).
After a week of trainings and not being able to control my eating as much (but still regimented.... deficits and one day at a 300 surplus which actually started my losing weight again), back to 1K deficits.
Monday: 8 oz apple (134), 3 Dove dark chocolate (126), 3 cheese wraps (450), Multigrain Cheerios (110), Recovery drink (220), couscous (300), Shakeology (140), footlong Subway roast beef sub (580), 2060 total calories consumed, 3250 calories burned, 1190 deficit
Tuesday: 8 oz apple (134), 2 Dove Dark chocolate (84), 3 cheese wraps (450), Recovery drink (220), 4 couscous (600), Shakeology (140), ON Whey protein drink (110), 1738 total calories consumed, 2903 calories burned, 1165 deficit
TUESDAY MORNING: Julie (Johnston, owner of Boot Camp Las Vegas) did a military obstacle/running thing and blew everyone away so we had two military men come and take class with us yesterday along with their wives and daughter. We started with a 3/4 mile team tire run then we did an obstacle course including medicine ball burpies (ball up, jump, down, burpie while balancing hands on the ball), crab crawls, bear crawls, shoulder presses with dumbbells), did weighted situps, competition tire pulls (won it by a lot, almost half the distance, and I only note this because I want to note the progress in different stuff... and I'm not sure I was in better shape, I just wanted it more). I'm no longer the last one in running drills, I'm about one or two up from last. My next challenge is obstacle courses, still last on that one. Also linked arms and sat on a hill to keep our core up, crawled underneath everyone while they were in up dog position (raised butt plank), held arms up about 2 minutes while walking, running, doing high knees) and held legs off the ground 6 inches for two minutes (I still can't do this but I think I'm getting better at it).
After a week of trainings and not being able to control my eating as much (but still regimented.... deficits and one day at a 300 surplus which actually started my losing weight again), back to 1K deficits.
Monday: 8 oz apple (134), 3 Dove dark chocolate (126), 3 cheese wraps (450), Multigrain Cheerios (110), Recovery drink (220), couscous (300), Shakeology (140), footlong Subway roast beef sub (580), 2060 total calories consumed, 3250 calories burned, 1190 deficit
Tuesday: 8 oz apple (134), 2 Dove Dark chocolate (84), 3 cheese wraps (450), Recovery drink (220), 4 couscous (600), Shakeology (140), ON Whey protein drink (110), 1738 total calories consumed, 2903 calories burned, 1165 deficit
TUESDAY MORNING: Julie (Johnston, owner of Boot Camp Las Vegas) did a military obstacle/running thing and blew everyone away so we had two military men come and take class with us yesterday along with their wives and daughter. We started with a 3/4 mile team tire run then we did an obstacle course including medicine ball burpies (ball up, jump, down, burpie while balancing hands on the ball), crab crawls, bear crawls, shoulder presses with dumbbells), did weighted situps, competition tire pulls (won it by a lot, almost half the distance, and I only note this because I want to note the progress in different stuff... and I'm not sure I was in better shape, I just wanted it more). I'm no longer the last one in running drills, I'm about one or two up from last. My next challenge is obstacle courses, still last on that one. Also linked arms and sat on a hill to keep our core up, crawled underneath everyone while they were in up dog position (raised butt plank), held arms up about 2 minutes while walking, running, doing high knees) and held legs off the ground 6 inches for two minutes (I still can't do this but I think I'm getting better at it).
Then slept, then at night did my CED (ChaLean Extreme Deluxe) which was cardio (actually something like 24HF's SET, cardio/light weights/cardio/light weights) and abs, total of about 55 minutes, then went to Zumba, then to Peter's Hip Hop class for the first time since his class got cancelled and I had never attended.
TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Ran the mile in 8:25, shaved a whole minute from last time. I think I notice a difference (other than the obvious duh it's faster). Did an obstacle course and I go uphill and especially downhill A LOT better, I'm losing my fear of running downhill, at least on grass. Jumped on picnic tables (first seat, then top of the table, then seat on other side, then down) and I really enjoyed it.
SATURDAY MORNING - Haven't written since Tuesday. Starting today going to make it a priority to write SOMEthing every day. Because I forget what we do in boot camp and the days mesh together. Wednesday was leg day so just various leg exercises and Thursday was arms day. Friday we ran a rocky terrain for about 50 minutes with some hill work. I can run fast down pavement now, and I couldn't do that three weeks ago. And I'm not the last one anymore on pretty much any day. I can certainly see progress.
I still have to learn to run down rocky hills, that's next on the agenda. Have to run straight down and maybe a bit in a diagonal instead of sideways, because that's how people fall.
Went swimming for an hour after boot camp, and loved it. Training for the triathlon. Then went home, rested for an hour, went to an LVAC boot camp class, and my body gave out (not literally, just tired). Skipped out 10 minutes early, after only 50 minutes, couldn't take anymore. The running wiped me out. Skipped out ChaLean in order to sleep two hours instead of one and making it up today instead of the rest day and then continuing as normal tomorrow.
Tomorrow (well, later today, it's 2:27a) going to the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Lake Las Vegas and taking a spinning and a core class and then going biking in the Irongirl course, where I'll be doing the Sprint Triathlon in May. Going to try to do the actual course for training (running/biking/swimming).
I found out something today. Stamina doesn't translate across activities. Running stamina is different from swimming stamina is different from biking stamina, and you have to do each thing that you want to build stamina in.
Two days of taking the endurance gel and I think it does help with the endurance. Doesn't enhance my performance but I don't feel as tired during class, and because of that I can go harder, and feel more tired AFTER class.
This week back to 1k+ caloric deficits per day but keeping it as close to 1k as possible (1010 yesterday).
Less than two weeks until my monthly measurements. Can't wait. Weight holding steady at 149-150 lbs, lowest of 146.5 on 3/1. I don't really care about that number anymore. I care about how I look and about what I can do. Starting a weights routine on Monday.
They say not to measure yourself with others and only work on going as hard as you can yourself. But I measure myself with others. But when I do that I don't see others as There's Bobby or This is how I'm doing in relation to Cindy. I view A mile in 6 minutes, or 50 Jumping Jacks straight or Fast Runner or Heavy Lifter. Nameless, just their fitness level. And I use that as a yardstick, especially in boot camp. Helps me see progress. And I have to be #1 because if I'm not that means there's another goal to be reached. Once I'm #1 there's two option, separate myself from #2 as much as possible or find another fitness endeavor where I'm last again. But I never make it to #1, I tend to go searching for something more difficult way before that, at least it has been that way so far.
So it really doesn't matter WHO it is, it's WHAT they can do, and how I measure against that, and whether there's progress. And today at the gym I noticed I'm not the skinniest but I'm in pretty good shape now, nothing spectacular, but I'm not the worst shape anymore. There's actually people in worse shape than I am (fitness-wise) and that just blows my mind. I've never experienced that before. And it's weird. It's like hey they stopped and I'm still going, and that's not the way it goes, it goes I stop first before everybody else. My whole life. I have pretty much been not only in the lower end, but LAST pretty much in anything physical. So this is definitely something new, unexpected, and unexplored territory. Now I want to be the last one standing. I want to run so fast the next person in boot camp, whoever that is, is five minutes behind me. I don't want to be in decent shape, I want to be in extraordinary shape. I want Michael Phelp's body (in female form). And what's weird is that now I see my body responding to the running and the weights and the swimming and how it just keeps getting better and better and it just motivates me to go harder and harder and push it even farther each time. It's like now I can REALLY move.
I want to share something I wrote and put on Facebook. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, have played around with the idea to submit it to psychology and mental health scholarly journals.
Psychological effects of significant weight loss on an adult woman.Share
Wed at 9:47pm
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by: Debbie Eidelman
http://fitdeb.blogspot.com
My name's Debbie, and I wanted to share my experiences in losing 66 lbs in 8.5 months (79 lbs lighter than heaviest weight; these numbers include pounds of muscle gained). I want to focus on the psychological aspects. And I want to do this because we all know the psychological benefits of exercise - enhances mood, battles depression, increases endorphins, etc. - but no one really talks about other psychological changes that occur, and I want to touch on them.
I will jump from topic to topic, as there's various subjects I want to cover. And I'm a writer at heart so I use a lot of analogies and imagery. Writing with flair, if you will, so don't take everything here literally. I write in a stream-of-thought style, so I'll be jumping from topic to topic.
I want to start with mentioning that I have never been a normal weight my whole entire life, not even in infancy, always overweight or mostly obese. I think there's a huge difference in being skinny, gaining weight, then losing it versus never having been a normal weight your whole entire life. And these past couple of weeks it happened. You gradually lose weight but there really comes a point in time when you start feeling sometimes the smallest inkling that you may not be fat anymore. It happened sometime in these past couple of weeks, a definitely change, but mostly a "feeling" rather than something tangible. But it's really like you wake up suddenly and you're 31 and you're not fat anymore, for the first time in your life. And you can move for the first time in your life and you don't want to stop. You want to experience this new body and feel what it's capable of. So I think it's very important to keep this in mind. Also, it hasn't been a year since I started working out (8.5 months) so I'm coming up on some events for the first time since I started losing weight.
It has been brought to my attention these past couple of days that I dress and act fat, and that's how this paper came about. It has come from more than one source. They point to my baggy sweats (Small is too baggy and Extra Small doesn't fit yet, so I'm kind of stuck). And I realized it was true. I realized this right around yesterday night. My body and my mind haven't caught up to the fact that I'm not fat anymore. I still stand, walk, and handle my body the way a fat person does. I still wear baggy clothes the way a fat person does. And I still think the way a fat person does.
I came across some "fat thinking" a few weeks ago. My work participates in Corporate Challenge (a bunch of companies get together and compete in different events once a year). I've participated for years but I always did chess because I've never been able to participate in the physical events. So someone asks me if I'm participating this year and I say yes and they ask in what and I say chess of course. And as soon as I said that I thought to myself, hey, I can do the 5K also! So I signed up for every physical non-skill event they had, about 7-8 (i.e. kayaking and running vs. soccer and basketball).
And someone asked me if I was ready to wear skinny clothes. And you know what, no, I'm not. I think there's part of me that is finally realizing that I'm really going to be skinny in the near future, and that part of me is scared, because they have to let the fat part go, and it's not ready yet. Part of me realizes there's nothing I can do to stop myself from getting skinny and that it's going to happen and it's going to happen soon, and it's terrified. I will never be fat again, I just know that. And what people may not realize is that you wake up one day and you're 31 and you have to lose your identity. Weight is a huge part of our identity, and I have to give up an identity I've had my whole life and learn how to live thin. And it's not easy.
And it finally dawned on me what it is that I need to do, and that is kill Fat Debbie. I have to take someone I've lived with my whole life, shared every life experience with, and let her go forever. It's like if someone you know was dying from a slow terminal illness. You know it's going to happen but you want to prolong it as long as possible. I want to call myself fat as long as I possibly can without being mentally unhealthy. I still have rolls, and part of me wants to think of myself as fat as long as I can. People call me skinny and I don't want that. I'm not skinny. I don't want to be skinny yet. I'm not done being fat inside. I'm being asked to stop being who I've been for 31 years, and it's hard. People don't realize what a psychological and emotional toll it is to give up your identity and find a new one. Because I have to literally learn how to be thin. How to think thin, how to walk thin, how to sit thin, how to lay thin, how to talk think, how to be thin. It's an acquired skill. If you want to know how I started exercising and the backstory visit the blog, because I really want to keep this on this specific topic. But for me exercising and eating right have become a part of life and the weight loss and muscle gain kind of just happen from that, but I'm not going to stop exercising or eating right, so the "transformation" is going to keep happening as I lose the rest of the fat and then gain muscle. But for reasons that I cover in the blog I really feel like someone else chose this journey for me and I exercise because someone else chose that for me. In other words, I don't view it as a choice, but as something that I do just because it was decided for me. So really the weight loss and the changes accompanying it are not my choice either. So I have to deal with these changes as best I can because I have no control over whether they happen or not.
And I've come to realize that fat comforts me. I like fat. It's what I know. It's like snuggling with your favorite blanket. I think if I walked into a room and there were a bunch of fat people gathered around each other and a group of thin people, I'd go with the fat people. It's like some people would cluster by race or nationality or gender or anything that makes them feel like they "belong" to a group. Fat people are "my people." It's almost as if since I can't be fat myself (because remember, I'm not choosing to exercise or lose weight), at least I can be around people who are. And that comforts me and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
So no, I'm not ready to be Skinny Debbie. Because once I say goodbye to Fat Debbie I can never see her again, and I tear up inside when I think about that. It's like someone I've spent my whole life with was in the cusp of dying. I'm not ready to let Fat Debbie go. It's a huge loss that I know I will have to face soon, but I'm holding on to it as long as I can. So I'm not ready to call myself skinny or normal weight (I'll settle for Chubby or better yet if you want to make me feel good right now agree that I'm fat and you'll be my best friend) just yet or wear skinny clothes just yet. Because if I wear skinny clothes that means I'm Skinny Debbie and that means Fat Debbie is dead, and that's sad. I'm not emotionally or psychologically ready. I will be, the same way that I will find a way to be skinny, but not yet. Because as soon as I become Skinny Debbie, that's when Fat Debbie dies.
And I also know that people that knew Fat Debbie will always feel like closer friends that anyone that meets me for the first time once I'm Skinny Debbie. It's like we both knew someone who died and we can share that with each other. I will always feel a closer bond with anyone who "knew me then." Like that's the real me, not this whole Skinny Debbie nonsense.
I've been paying very close attention to my psychological state through this whole transformation. I took 13 graduate classes in Marriage and Family Therapy and I was going to be a therapist until I realized that I sucked at it, but I know enough about mental health to monitor myself. And one thing I noticed is that the skinnier I got, the more disatisfied I was with my body. I hated how I looked at 170 lbs more than I did at 230 lbs. And it has only been this past couple of weeks, when The Change happened, that I've started the uphill climb to having a positive body image. If you were looking at a graph there'd be a steep decline in body image perception and then a steep uphill. And if you kind of go through this whole physical transformation you can't really leave your mind behind. You have to be healthy all over. So I'm always looking for psychological changes, states of mind, and adjustments I need to make as necessary steps in losing weight, as much so as lifting weights or cardio.
I like to monitor myself psychologically because losing this much weight takes a huge psychological toll so I always need to be in the lookout in case I need outside help, because I'm not about to let myself become mentally unhealthy over this, and sometimes you may need some help, so if I ever need someone to help me cope with being skinny or not being fat, I'll bring them in, but haven't had to do that yet. But you have to be aware of all this and the reason I'm able to do it without outside help is that I think and monitor and adjust daily (and I guess all the mental health training). So there's a constant need of psychological self-evaluation or evaluation by an outside party to make sure your inside keeps up with your outside.
And then there's the whole deal with changing or remaining the same. I am totally different and totally the same at the same time. My soul's the same, but my outlook of life, energy, spirit, are so much more enhanced. When I started this I hoped I wouldn't change inside and soon realized that was impossible. And I'm always doing self-checks to make sure I don't become someone I hate. There's a fat person, what's the first thing that comes into my mind? There's someone who wants to lose weight but won't exercise, how do I feel about them? Just making sure I never look down on anyone because of their motivation or weight, because I never want to become that person. And I've been pleased so far that I don't seem to be headed in that direction.
And then there's the whole looking in the mirror part. I want to be a fitness instructor and they tell you to focus on others instead of admiring yourself in the mirror. And I find myself drawn to looking at myself in the mirror while I take group classes at the gym, but it's more of a wonder kind of thing, like hey, I may be skinny. I can move. It's like when a baby discovers themselves in the mirror. They realize that's them looking back at them. I have a feeling that's Debbie looking back at me. But it's a Debbie I don't know, and a Debbie I have to get to know, and right now I'm just at the point where I just want to look at her. So maybe that's why I shouldn't be an instructor yet, until I become Skinny Debbie and I put two and two together and realize that the person who looks back at me from the mirror all skinny is me. Because it hasn't clicked yet. And no, I don't have dissociative disorder (formerly called multiple personality disorder), it's just a good way to explain it.
I think it's important to talk about all of this because these changes are not really talked about when you lose weight, and I had to find out about all of them just by trial and error. It's really cool to experience all this and to see the psychological changes that occur when losing a significant amount of weight, because it underscores the complexity and wonder of the human condition.
[Picture of Fat Debbie]
Then I added the following comment:
Sooooo.... IT happened. I wrote that, went to bed yesterday, woke up this morning, went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and went Hi. Wearing shorts in public in the first time like forever and a tight shirt. Will post pictures later. Teaching myself to stand up straight, sit with a flat back, etc. But there have been so many things that have happened that have felt like they have happened on a schedule that I think that article was my one last goodbye and my last opportunity to catch all that in writing before it was gone. So that picture up there is almost like the one you'd see in an obituary lol Good bye, dear friend, and thanks for all the memories. Time to forge ahead and create new ones.
Have worn shorts since, and only put on the sweats to come sit for eight hours behind the desk at work. Going to get me some thight clothes this weekend. I'm getting to enjoy it. Bought a Medium bathing suit and it fits great, and you can see my whole huge stomach with it (hey, work in progress).
But I really think I wrote that to kind of encapsulate all that before moving on. Now I look at thin people, how they stand, how they move, and I copy them to teach my body how to be thin. It really doesn't know how. Like it doesn't know it doesn't have to hunch over all the time now, and my mind doesn't know that it doesn't have to hide my body anymore.
So a lot of changes happening lately.
Wrap up: It's Monday night but I wanted to put Saturday and Sunday here. On Saturday I went to the Ritz-Carlton in Lake Las Vegas. The area is just breathtakingly beautiful, the kind of scenery that makes you glad to be alive so that you can be driving through it. Met a friend there and she signed me in to the spa/fitness center. There's a small weights and cardio machines area and a very small group fitness room with about 7 or so bikes. Took a spin class (classes are about 45 minutes long there). It seemed harder than usual so I don't know if it was the bikes or something else, I'm hopefully not in worse shape than last time I took Dallas 3.5 weeks ago. I was slower than usual. Then a core class in which I realized that for the first time I could lay down, raise my legs, and PUT THEM TOGETHER all the way up. That was a great feeling to be able to do that. And I also was able to for the first time sit and raise both my legs and arms at the same time. After I wrap up these two days I will go into more detail about the effect of these things in next week's first entry.
After both classes we went biking. Had my clip pedals and tried putting on the biking shoes on them. Put the right one in, then went for the left, tipped to the right, fell hard, hit my helmet HARD on the floor, would not have been good if I had not been wearing a helmet, I have a rule, if I don't have a helmet on secured, I don't mount the bike, not even to cruise to the end of the driveway. Tipped three more times but my friend realized that if I have a shoe clipped and a shoe free I will tip towards the clipped shoe EVERY ... SINGLE ... TIME ... and caught me. Gave up and put on my regular shoes. I noticed in spinning classes that you do get a sense of where the bike ends and your body begins and there is such a thing as getting to know the bike. So on Sunday I switched the clip pedals with cage pedals, which are pedals that have a little plastic thing that you put your feet into and then a strip that secures it, I keep it loose, feeling of having your foot trapped but easier to free. And oh yeah, scraped my knee, leg, and elbow with the fall and strained the left side of my neck, and it was very hard to do sit ups the next day on Monday. And we also raised the seat to the correct height so my legs have a slight bent when my feet are on the pedals but they barely reach when they are off the pedal so I have to learn to mount and dismount forward off the seat instead of to the sides, still don't have the handle of that, what I do now is cage one foot then use the tiptoes of the other one to scooter myself forward a bit then cage the other one, while being on the seat. Work in progress. So since we're still on Saturday, used my regular shoes on clip pedals but they're so narrow I couldn't get a good grip with my shoes so we didn't bike much. Went home and did my ChaLean at night and that was it for the day.
On Sunday I took the day off of exercise but did do the ChaLean, pretty uneventful day, watched The Hurt Locker (great movie). Ate up to what I burned. Want to see if that shakes things up a bit.
And that was the week.
SATURDAY MORNING - Haven't written since Tuesday. Starting today going to make it a priority to write SOMEthing every day. Because I forget what we do in boot camp and the days mesh together. Wednesday was leg day so just various leg exercises and Thursday was arms day. Friday we ran a rocky terrain for about 50 minutes with some hill work. I can run fast down pavement now, and I couldn't do that three weeks ago. And I'm not the last one anymore on pretty much any day. I can certainly see progress.
I still have to learn to run down rocky hills, that's next on the agenda. Have to run straight down and maybe a bit in a diagonal instead of sideways, because that's how people fall.
Went swimming for an hour after boot camp, and loved it. Training for the triathlon. Then went home, rested for an hour, went to an LVAC boot camp class, and my body gave out (not literally, just tired). Skipped out 10 minutes early, after only 50 minutes, couldn't take anymore. The running wiped me out. Skipped out ChaLean in order to sleep two hours instead of one and making it up today instead of the rest day and then continuing as normal tomorrow.
Tomorrow (well, later today, it's 2:27a) going to the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Lake Las Vegas and taking a spinning and a core class and then going biking in the Irongirl course, where I'll be doing the Sprint Triathlon in May. Going to try to do the actual course for training (running/biking/swimming).
I found out something today. Stamina doesn't translate across activities. Running stamina is different from swimming stamina is different from biking stamina, and you have to do each thing that you want to build stamina in.
Two days of taking the endurance gel and I think it does help with the endurance. Doesn't enhance my performance but I don't feel as tired during class, and because of that I can go harder, and feel more tired AFTER class.
This week back to 1k+ caloric deficits per day but keeping it as close to 1k as possible (1010 yesterday).
Less than two weeks until my monthly measurements. Can't wait. Weight holding steady at 149-150 lbs, lowest of 146.5 on 3/1. I don't really care about that number anymore. I care about how I look and about what I can do. Starting a weights routine on Monday.
They say not to measure yourself with others and only work on going as hard as you can yourself. But I measure myself with others. But when I do that I don't see others as There's Bobby or This is how I'm doing in relation to Cindy. I view A mile in 6 minutes, or 50 Jumping Jacks straight or Fast Runner or Heavy Lifter. Nameless, just their fitness level. And I use that as a yardstick, especially in boot camp. Helps me see progress. And I have to be #1 because if I'm not that means there's another goal to be reached. Once I'm #1 there's two option, separate myself from #2 as much as possible or find another fitness endeavor where I'm last again. But I never make it to #1, I tend to go searching for something more difficult way before that, at least it has been that way so far.
So it really doesn't matter WHO it is, it's WHAT they can do, and how I measure against that, and whether there's progress. And today at the gym I noticed I'm not the skinniest but I'm in pretty good shape now, nothing spectacular, but I'm not the worst shape anymore. There's actually people in worse shape than I am (fitness-wise) and that just blows my mind. I've never experienced that before. And it's weird. It's like hey they stopped and I'm still going, and that's not the way it goes, it goes I stop first before everybody else. My whole life. I have pretty much been not only in the lower end, but LAST pretty much in anything physical. So this is definitely something new, unexpected, and unexplored territory. Now I want to be the last one standing. I want to run so fast the next person in boot camp, whoever that is, is five minutes behind me. I don't want to be in decent shape, I want to be in extraordinary shape. I want Michael Phelp's body (in female form). And what's weird is that now I see my body responding to the running and the weights and the swimming and how it just keeps getting better and better and it just motivates me to go harder and harder and push it even farther each time. It's like now I can REALLY move.
I want to share something I wrote and put on Facebook. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, have played around with the idea to submit it to psychology and mental health scholarly journals.
Psychological effects of significant weight loss on an adult woman.Share
Wed at 9:47pm
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by: Debbie Eidelman
http://fitdeb.blogspot.com
My name's Debbie, and I wanted to share my experiences in losing 66 lbs in 8.5 months (79 lbs lighter than heaviest weight; these numbers include pounds of muscle gained). I want to focus on the psychological aspects. And I want to do this because we all know the psychological benefits of exercise - enhances mood, battles depression, increases endorphins, etc. - but no one really talks about other psychological changes that occur, and I want to touch on them.
I will jump from topic to topic, as there's various subjects I want to cover. And I'm a writer at heart so I use a lot of analogies and imagery. Writing with flair, if you will, so don't take everything here literally. I write in a stream-of-thought style, so I'll be jumping from topic to topic.
I want to start with mentioning that I have never been a normal weight my whole entire life, not even in infancy, always overweight or mostly obese. I think there's a huge difference in being skinny, gaining weight, then losing it versus never having been a normal weight your whole entire life. And these past couple of weeks it happened. You gradually lose weight but there really comes a point in time when you start feeling sometimes the smallest inkling that you may not be fat anymore. It happened sometime in these past couple of weeks, a definitely change, but mostly a "feeling" rather than something tangible. But it's really like you wake up suddenly and you're 31 and you're not fat anymore, for the first time in your life. And you can move for the first time in your life and you don't want to stop. You want to experience this new body and feel what it's capable of. So I think it's very important to keep this in mind. Also, it hasn't been a year since I started working out (8.5 months) so I'm coming up on some events for the first time since I started losing weight.
It has been brought to my attention these past couple of days that I dress and act fat, and that's how this paper came about. It has come from more than one source. They point to my baggy sweats (Small is too baggy and Extra Small doesn't fit yet, so I'm kind of stuck). And I realized it was true. I realized this right around yesterday night. My body and my mind haven't caught up to the fact that I'm not fat anymore. I still stand, walk, and handle my body the way a fat person does. I still wear baggy clothes the way a fat person does. And I still think the way a fat person does.
I came across some "fat thinking" a few weeks ago. My work participates in Corporate Challenge (a bunch of companies get together and compete in different events once a year). I've participated for years but I always did chess because I've never been able to participate in the physical events. So someone asks me if I'm participating this year and I say yes and they ask in what and I say chess of course. And as soon as I said that I thought to myself, hey, I can do the 5K also! So I signed up for every physical non-skill event they had, about 7-8 (i.e. kayaking and running vs. soccer and basketball).
And someone asked me if I was ready to wear skinny clothes. And you know what, no, I'm not. I think there's part of me that is finally realizing that I'm really going to be skinny in the near future, and that part of me is scared, because they have to let the fat part go, and it's not ready yet. Part of me realizes there's nothing I can do to stop myself from getting skinny and that it's going to happen and it's going to happen soon, and it's terrified. I will never be fat again, I just know that. And what people may not realize is that you wake up one day and you're 31 and you have to lose your identity. Weight is a huge part of our identity, and I have to give up an identity I've had my whole life and learn how to live thin. And it's not easy.
And it finally dawned on me what it is that I need to do, and that is kill Fat Debbie. I have to take someone I've lived with my whole life, shared every life experience with, and let her go forever. It's like if someone you know was dying from a slow terminal illness. You know it's going to happen but you want to prolong it as long as possible. I want to call myself fat as long as I possibly can without being mentally unhealthy. I still have rolls, and part of me wants to think of myself as fat as long as I can. People call me skinny and I don't want that. I'm not skinny. I don't want to be skinny yet. I'm not done being fat inside. I'm being asked to stop being who I've been for 31 years, and it's hard. People don't realize what a psychological and emotional toll it is to give up your identity and find a new one. Because I have to literally learn how to be thin. How to think thin, how to walk thin, how to sit thin, how to lay thin, how to talk think, how to be thin. It's an acquired skill. If you want to know how I started exercising and the backstory visit the blog, because I really want to keep this on this specific topic. But for me exercising and eating right have become a part of life and the weight loss and muscle gain kind of just happen from that, but I'm not going to stop exercising or eating right, so the "transformation" is going to keep happening as I lose the rest of the fat and then gain muscle. But for reasons that I cover in the blog I really feel like someone else chose this journey for me and I exercise because someone else chose that for me. In other words, I don't view it as a choice, but as something that I do just because it was decided for me. So really the weight loss and the changes accompanying it are not my choice either. So I have to deal with these changes as best I can because I have no control over whether they happen or not.
And I've come to realize that fat comforts me. I like fat. It's what I know. It's like snuggling with your favorite blanket. I think if I walked into a room and there were a bunch of fat people gathered around each other and a group of thin people, I'd go with the fat people. It's like some people would cluster by race or nationality or gender or anything that makes them feel like they "belong" to a group. Fat people are "my people." It's almost as if since I can't be fat myself (because remember, I'm not choosing to exercise or lose weight), at least I can be around people who are. And that comforts me and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
So no, I'm not ready to be Skinny Debbie. Because once I say goodbye to Fat Debbie I can never see her again, and I tear up inside when I think about that. It's like someone I've spent my whole life with was in the cusp of dying. I'm not ready to let Fat Debbie go. It's a huge loss that I know I will have to face soon, but I'm holding on to it as long as I can. So I'm not ready to call myself skinny or normal weight (I'll settle for Chubby or better yet if you want to make me feel good right now agree that I'm fat and you'll be my best friend) just yet or wear skinny clothes just yet. Because if I wear skinny clothes that means I'm Skinny Debbie and that means Fat Debbie is dead, and that's sad. I'm not emotionally or psychologically ready. I will be, the same way that I will find a way to be skinny, but not yet. Because as soon as I become Skinny Debbie, that's when Fat Debbie dies.
And I also know that people that knew Fat Debbie will always feel like closer friends that anyone that meets me for the first time once I'm Skinny Debbie. It's like we both knew someone who died and we can share that with each other. I will always feel a closer bond with anyone who "knew me then." Like that's the real me, not this whole Skinny Debbie nonsense.
I've been paying very close attention to my psychological state through this whole transformation. I took 13 graduate classes in Marriage and Family Therapy and I was going to be a therapist until I realized that I sucked at it, but I know enough about mental health to monitor myself. And one thing I noticed is that the skinnier I got, the more disatisfied I was with my body. I hated how I looked at 170 lbs more than I did at 230 lbs. And it has only been this past couple of weeks, when The Change happened, that I've started the uphill climb to having a positive body image. If you were looking at a graph there'd be a steep decline in body image perception and then a steep uphill. And if you kind of go through this whole physical transformation you can't really leave your mind behind. You have to be healthy all over. So I'm always looking for psychological changes, states of mind, and adjustments I need to make as necessary steps in losing weight, as much so as lifting weights or cardio.
I like to monitor myself psychologically because losing this much weight takes a huge psychological toll so I always need to be in the lookout in case I need outside help, because I'm not about to let myself become mentally unhealthy over this, and sometimes you may need some help, so if I ever need someone to help me cope with being skinny or not being fat, I'll bring them in, but haven't had to do that yet. But you have to be aware of all this and the reason I'm able to do it without outside help is that I think and monitor and adjust daily (and I guess all the mental health training). So there's a constant need of psychological self-evaluation or evaluation by an outside party to make sure your inside keeps up with your outside.
And then there's the whole deal with changing or remaining the same. I am totally different and totally the same at the same time. My soul's the same, but my outlook of life, energy, spirit, are so much more enhanced. When I started this I hoped I wouldn't change inside and soon realized that was impossible. And I'm always doing self-checks to make sure I don't become someone I hate. There's a fat person, what's the first thing that comes into my mind? There's someone who wants to lose weight but won't exercise, how do I feel about them? Just making sure I never look down on anyone because of their motivation or weight, because I never want to become that person. And I've been pleased so far that I don't seem to be headed in that direction.
And then there's the whole looking in the mirror part. I want to be a fitness instructor and they tell you to focus on others instead of admiring yourself in the mirror. And I find myself drawn to looking at myself in the mirror while I take group classes at the gym, but it's more of a wonder kind of thing, like hey, I may be skinny. I can move. It's like when a baby discovers themselves in the mirror. They realize that's them looking back at them. I have a feeling that's Debbie looking back at me. But it's a Debbie I don't know, and a Debbie I have to get to know, and right now I'm just at the point where I just want to look at her. So maybe that's why I shouldn't be an instructor yet, until I become Skinny Debbie and I put two and two together and realize that the person who looks back at me from the mirror all skinny is me. Because it hasn't clicked yet. And no, I don't have dissociative disorder (formerly called multiple personality disorder), it's just a good way to explain it.
I think it's important to talk about all of this because these changes are not really talked about when you lose weight, and I had to find out about all of them just by trial and error. It's really cool to experience all this and to see the psychological changes that occur when losing a significant amount of weight, because it underscores the complexity and wonder of the human condition.
[Picture of Fat Debbie]
Then I added the following comment:
Sooooo.... IT happened. I wrote that, went to bed yesterday, woke up this morning, went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and went Hi. Wearing shorts in public in the first time like forever and a tight shirt. Will post pictures later. Teaching myself to stand up straight, sit with a flat back, etc. But there have been so many things that have happened that have felt like they have happened on a schedule that I think that article was my one last goodbye and my last opportunity to catch all that in writing before it was gone. So that picture up there is almost like the one you'd see in an obituary lol Good bye, dear friend, and thanks for all the memories. Time to forge ahead and create new ones.
Have worn shorts since, and only put on the sweats to come sit for eight hours behind the desk at work. Going to get me some thight clothes this weekend. I'm getting to enjoy it. Bought a Medium bathing suit and it fits great, and you can see my whole huge stomach with it (hey, work in progress).
But I really think I wrote that to kind of encapsulate all that before moving on. Now I look at thin people, how they stand, how they move, and I copy them to teach my body how to be thin. It really doesn't know how. Like it doesn't know it doesn't have to hunch over all the time now, and my mind doesn't know that it doesn't have to hide my body anymore.
So a lot of changes happening lately.
Wrap up: It's Monday night but I wanted to put Saturday and Sunday here. On Saturday I went to the Ritz-Carlton in Lake Las Vegas. The area is just breathtakingly beautiful, the kind of scenery that makes you glad to be alive so that you can be driving through it. Met a friend there and she signed me in to the spa/fitness center. There's a small weights and cardio machines area and a very small group fitness room with about 7 or so bikes. Took a spin class (classes are about 45 minutes long there). It seemed harder than usual so I don't know if it was the bikes or something else, I'm hopefully not in worse shape than last time I took Dallas 3.5 weeks ago. I was slower than usual. Then a core class in which I realized that for the first time I could lay down, raise my legs, and PUT THEM TOGETHER all the way up. That was a great feeling to be able to do that. And I also was able to for the first time sit and raise both my legs and arms at the same time. After I wrap up these two days I will go into more detail about the effect of these things in next week's first entry.
After both classes we went biking. Had my clip pedals and tried putting on the biking shoes on them. Put the right one in, then went for the left, tipped to the right, fell hard, hit my helmet HARD on the floor, would not have been good if I had not been wearing a helmet, I have a rule, if I don't have a helmet on secured, I don't mount the bike, not even to cruise to the end of the driveway. Tipped three more times but my friend realized that if I have a shoe clipped and a shoe free I will tip towards the clipped shoe EVERY ... SINGLE ... TIME ... and caught me. Gave up and put on my regular shoes. I noticed in spinning classes that you do get a sense of where the bike ends and your body begins and there is such a thing as getting to know the bike. So on Sunday I switched the clip pedals with cage pedals, which are pedals that have a little plastic thing that you put your feet into and then a strip that secures it, I keep it loose, feeling of having your foot trapped but easier to free. And oh yeah, scraped my knee, leg, and elbow with the fall and strained the left side of my neck, and it was very hard to do sit ups the next day on Monday. And we also raised the seat to the correct height so my legs have a slight bent when my feet are on the pedals but they barely reach when they are off the pedal so I have to learn to mount and dismount forward off the seat instead of to the sides, still don't have the handle of that, what I do now is cage one foot then use the tiptoes of the other one to scooter myself forward a bit then cage the other one, while being on the seat. Work in progress. So since we're still on Saturday, used my regular shoes on clip pedals but they're so narrow I couldn't get a good grip with my shoes so we didn't bike much. Went home and did my ChaLean at night and that was it for the day.
On Sunday I took the day off of exercise but did do the ChaLean, pretty uneventful day, watched The Hurt Locker (great movie). Ate up to what I burned. Want to see if that shakes things up a bit.
And that was the week.
My current workout regimen (3/16/10 - present)
I'm still settling into a routine.
MORNINGS: BOOT CAMP 1-1.5 hours, Monday - Friday, sometimes Saturdays
In the morning at 9:30a I have a one hour Boot Camp Las Vegas session, but members always stay behind and do extra stuff, and most days I run an extra mile, so it usually runs 1.5 hours. Our warm-up is a mile run which is sometimes replaced by weighted vest runs or tire pull runs, either individual or team (with bigger tires). For upper body days we do things like lift rocks to build "forts." We run uphill a lot. We run a lot, period. We use nature mostly and equipment consists of cones, pieces of paper with writing on them (100 sit-ups), tires, harnesses, weighted vests, medicine balls, and the occasional dumbbell. If you've ever seen Rocky IV, there's a montage where Draco is training in a high-tech gym and Rocky is training in nature. Boot Camp is nature.
I do this five times a week, Monday - Friday. I go most weeks to Saturday's class. Since the gym doesn't have many afternoon and night weekend classes, I may skip it for gym classes. This week for instance I'll be at the gym where I'll be doing three classes straight, cycle, Zumba, and Boot Camp (24 Hour Fitness' version of it). No Boot Camp classes available Sundays, so I try to take two gym classes and then do the ChaLean Extreme Deluxe workout.
EARLY AFTERNOON - SLEEP
Then I get home and I sleep until the afternoon (I work the overnight shift). I usually get home around noon and sleep until 4p or 5p, depending on what I have that night. I get 7-8 hours on Wednesday and Thursday nights.
LATE AFTERNOON / NIGHT - One gym class, ChaLean Extreme Deluxe at home
Then I take a gym class at 24 Hour Fitness or Las Vegas Athletic Club. It's cardio since I do weights at home. Each day I take a different class and I like to vary the instructors. I usually take a Zumba or TurboKick or Cycle. On Sundays I may double up since there's no Boot Camp on Sundays.
I also do ChaLean Extreme Deluxe at home, which is a resistance training DVD program. It has two rest days. On those two rest days I substitute a mind/body/cardio DVD called willPower and Grace (I'm a trainee instructor) along with doing the wP&G DVD on one of the weights days (so that I do THAT three times a week). I do this in-between the gym and work and it's usually 45-60 minutes.
So it's around 3-3.5 hours of exercise a day. I'm training for a 20K half marathon on June so I'll be running a lot more in preparation for it. I can do about 10K now.
This burns right around 3K calories a day Monday through Saturday which allows me to eat around 2K, and on Sundays I haven't established a burn rate yet since I've been having instructor trainings the past couple of weeks.
MORNINGS: BOOT CAMP 1-1.5 hours, Monday - Friday, sometimes Saturdays
In the morning at 9:30a I have a one hour Boot Camp Las Vegas session, but members always stay behind and do extra stuff, and most days I run an extra mile, so it usually runs 1.5 hours. Our warm-up is a mile run which is sometimes replaced by weighted vest runs or tire pull runs, either individual or team (with bigger tires). For upper body days we do things like lift rocks to build "forts." We run uphill a lot. We run a lot, period. We use nature mostly and equipment consists of cones, pieces of paper with writing on them (100 sit-ups), tires, harnesses, weighted vests, medicine balls, and the occasional dumbbell. If you've ever seen Rocky IV, there's a montage where Draco is training in a high-tech gym and Rocky is training in nature. Boot Camp is nature.
I do this five times a week, Monday - Friday. I go most weeks to Saturday's class. Since the gym doesn't have many afternoon and night weekend classes, I may skip it for gym classes. This week for instance I'll be at the gym where I'll be doing three classes straight, cycle, Zumba, and Boot Camp (24 Hour Fitness' version of it). No Boot Camp classes available Sundays, so I try to take two gym classes and then do the ChaLean Extreme Deluxe workout.
EARLY AFTERNOON - SLEEP
Then I get home and I sleep until the afternoon (I work the overnight shift). I usually get home around noon and sleep until 4p or 5p, depending on what I have that night. I get 7-8 hours on Wednesday and Thursday nights.
LATE AFTERNOON / NIGHT - One gym class, ChaLean Extreme Deluxe at home
Then I take a gym class at 24 Hour Fitness or Las Vegas Athletic Club. It's cardio since I do weights at home. Each day I take a different class and I like to vary the instructors. I usually take a Zumba or TurboKick or Cycle. On Sundays I may double up since there's no Boot Camp on Sundays.
I also do ChaLean Extreme Deluxe at home, which is a resistance training DVD program. It has two rest days. On those two rest days I substitute a mind/body/cardio DVD called willPower and Grace (I'm a trainee instructor) along with doing the wP&G DVD on one of the weights days (so that I do THAT three times a week). I do this in-between the gym and work and it's usually 45-60 minutes.
So it's around 3-3.5 hours of exercise a day. I'm training for a 20K half marathon on June so I'll be running a lot more in preparation for it. I can do about 10K now.
This burns right around 3K calories a day Monday through Saturday which allows me to eat around 2K, and on Sundays I haven't established a burn rate yet since I've been having instructor trainings the past couple of weeks.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Monday, March 8th, 2010 through Sunday, March 14th, 2010.
FOOD:
Monday: 6 vita tops (600), cheese wrap (210), recovery formula (220), Pistacchios (180), 8 oz chicken tenderloins (220), 1420 total calories consumed, 2995 calories burned, 1575 deficit
Tuesday: 8 oz apple (133), 15 oz banana (392), Vitatop (100), had a grilled chicken sandwhich and fruit cup at a restaurant, giving it IHOP's caloric equivalent (440), cheese wrap (210), recovery formula (220), couscous (300), chicken tenderloins (110), total 1905 total calories consumed, 2577 calories burned, 672 deficit
Wednesday: 16 oz apple (267), 15 oz banana (392), beer (110), 3 oz champagne (63), 10 slices lemon (27), 2 recovery formula (440), had grilled chicken sandwhich and turkey sandwhich, going to call is 960 calories, although it's probably much much less, Dove dark chocolate (42), 2301 total calories consumed, 3341 calories burned, 1040 deficit
Thursday: 3 protein bars (630), 16 oz apple (267), 7.5 oz banana (196), 2 Dove Dark Chocolate (84), 3 egg whites (48), 2 Flatout Bread (180), peanuts (301), 2 slices wheat bread (130), total 1836 calories consumed, 3175 calories burned, 1339 deficit
Friday: 8 oz apple (133), 12 oz banana (312), Dove dark chocolate (42), 3 cheese wraps (450), Yogurt with nuts (estimating 400 calories), recovery powder (220), couscous (600), total 2157 calories consumed, 2775 calories burned, 618 deficit.
Saturday: 15 oz banana (390),
5244 deficit in 5 days, hitting goal, and I was out and about in a different state without supermarkets, so I'm calling it a win.
Eventful week. Let's take it a day at a time, a lot of stuff to write about.
SUNDAY: Schwinn Indoor Cycle training. I'll go ahead and describe the day then write my thoughts on it. It was pretty much split between sitting on the floor and on the bike. We learned how to quick fit the bike and how to do a fuller fit, and after the fuller fit where they set me up to numbers that fit me well I discovered I had been using the right numbers after all. Learned a trick where the pedals go at 3 and 9 and you put your heel flush with the pedal and use a washer to make sure the knee and the middle of the pedal are on a straight line. We had about a ride and a half and the rest of the time was bookwork.
Here's one of the most important lessons I learned in that class. You may be the only compliment that person gets the whole week. You never know when you'll have the opportunity, the gift really, to change someone's life. We don't give ourselves credit for all the power we have in creating changing in the world. Just that simple concept for being grateful for having the chance to someone's life and be that one positive person they can count on week after week.
During the second ride the trainer did one of the best cycle classes I've ever seen. She likened going up a hill in spin as going through a problem in life. You can either go up the hill or around it, but once you climb that first hill, you find it in you to go another hill, and yet another, and another, and slowly you become someone who goes up hills instead of around them, and in the same token you become someone who faces problems head on instead of ignoring them, and this whole philosophy jibes with me. Also the whole gym/life parallel.
She also did something else that was really cool, and that was to allow us to use the song right before the cool down to do whatever we wanted, to go into our heads, which I thought was perfect after that particular class, and I enjoyed having that time to myself in class with everyone around me.
Those were the main things I got out of cycle, and oh, the best song in the world, Alive by Meatloaf (and I hear it's a total change in style for him). That has become my life anthem.
But the whole you can be the only compliment that person hears that week, that was powerful. And the second ride reenergized my drive to keep going up all the time.
On to the rest of the week. Boot Camp gets blurry by now so I really will be better about updating it daily. This week was just crazy with three certifications in an eight day period. So I'm not going to have as detailed BC impressions. But a highlight of the week is that I ran a mile in 9:25. Going for under 9 on Monday. On Friday we went up hills with a tire tied behind our back and I made it all the way to the top. That was nice. I had to sit down on the way back and I want to work on getting down rocky hills (small pebbles all over) standing without falling, I have a fear of slipping on rocks (since I was little).
The Zumba trip was absolutely totally awesome and yet another life-changing experience. And I find myself calling every day a life-changing experience but I think this whole journey has changed me in a way that I just find lessons in everyday things, and I'm more open to life period, so maybe I'm just attracting them (as much as I think The Laws of Attraction is a bogus concept). We left Tuesday afternoon and got there around 7p (left around 2p). Unloaded and went to dinner.
In this trip I had to eat out a lot. And it really is a whole change in mentality. When I get to my goal weight and muscle I'm going to have to teach myself to eat normally, and even that is going to be an adjustment. But I was happy how the trip turned out food-wise without a refrigerator or supermarkets. Tuesday I had a grilled chicken sandwhich and fruit bowl for dinner. I was blown away in that restaurants that offer fruit bowls will most of the time allow you to substitute your fries with fruit. That was awesome. On Wednesday I had a lunch of a turkey sandwhich and for dinner I had a grilled chicken sandwhich. On Thursday I had a breakfast of three egg whites with two slices of wheat bread and black coffee with Splenda which was wonderful. Any meals not mentioned were protein bars, apples, bananas, my usual fare. Even had alcohol, 3 oz champagne and 2 55 calorie beers.
On Wednesday we spent all day in the training then that night we went to the beach and I climbed some rocks. On Thursday morning back to the beach and climbing some more rocks and beach running and a lot of walking. The view was amazing. We had breakfast on Thursday morning overlooking the ocean and that breathtaking. I enjoyed every second of that trip.
The training itself was great and it really drove home how simple Zumba is to teach and to choreograph, and how we shouldn't make it a difficult process or do difficult choreography. Learned how to dissect a song. Took it with the creator of Zumba, Beto, and I got two main things out of that training: If you doubt, you die. Take life by the horns. And that saying helped me in a seminar I had Friday night (more on that later). The other one is how you can take any exercise you do in class and do it halfsies or do it all the way and to just go all the way on it, so that's just reinforcing a message I've been getting a lot lately. Now I take gym classes boot camp style, and I go all out of them. I give it my all just for the warmup and it's all I can do now to get through the class because I'm not reserving anything.
But here's the best thing that training gave to me. I was on the stage with a group of people, and each of us picked a move, and there were over 100 people down there following my one move. During AFAA I lost my fear of performing in front of people. During Zumba, I gained a love for it. I want more of that. And I think it was great to have AFAA first and then Zumba. EVERYTHING I've done has built up to the next thing and I have gotten things just when I needed them.
On Friday night I went to a BodyJam and BodyAttack info seminar where LVAC checks you out and then tells you if you want to teach for them. For some reason it seems that LVAC is more touchy-feeling with the whole changing lives things than 24HF is. They talked and what they said is what I say in this blog, they speak my language. But 24HF will always a special place in my heart. And we got into mini-groups and we had to introduce ourselves and lately I still get nervous but something switches on and I get over it and go. They asked me why I wanted to teach and I gave them a mini version of how I got started and how group classes changed my life (I conveniently left out I was a 24HF girl) and it was great, it just flowed out.
So that catches us up to the present. willPower and Grace training Sunday. Taking Saturday and Sunday off from work. That finishes the trainings for now (and hopefully restarts in April with both Les Mills ones (the LVAC ones)). I will be better in writing about Boot Camp daily because I really do learn something each day and I love it.
Started ChaLean Extreme Deluxe yesterday with cyber-friend Christina (FB friend). Looking forward to doing it with someone. Don't like the first routine of 9, but sticking with it. Time to build some muscle. Since 3/1 not only did I not lose any weight, I gained 2.5 lbs, up to 149 lbs right now.
The other thing I learned is that maybe I have a problem with exercise. Someone told me I should slow down for a while and I told him I couldn't, that I loved my three hours of exercise a day, and he said that if I couldn't do that then maybe I have a problem. Also said I shouldn't be having 1K deficits, but I decided to have them anyway. He's a personal trainer in fantastic shape.
That's the one theme. I don't know if I'm doing things right or wrong, but they're my choice and the way I chose to do it and I always want to have control over my own body.
Sunday was the training for willPower and Grace. I am so not in shape. That training was described as cardio for mind-body people but I think it should be described as mind-body for cardio people. I hate yoga and don't care for Pilates but I could embrace wP&G. Going to do it on my two CED rest days and Sundays, and hopefully I get better. I really enjoyed the class and I got a class on DVD as part of the program. The message I got from it was I AM. Doesn't matter where you are of who you are, embrace it. And pay attention to how you act when you don't think people are looking. Not as life-changing as cycle, AFAA, or Zumba, but gave me a mind-body class I can do and a message of positiveness.
Monday: 6 vita tops (600), cheese wrap (210), recovery formula (220), Pistacchios (180), 8 oz chicken tenderloins (220), 1420 total calories consumed, 2995 calories burned, 1575 deficit
Tuesday: 8 oz apple (133), 15 oz banana (392), Vitatop (100), had a grilled chicken sandwhich and fruit cup at a restaurant, giving it IHOP's caloric equivalent (440), cheese wrap (210), recovery formula (220), couscous (300), chicken tenderloins (110), total 1905 total calories consumed, 2577 calories burned, 672 deficit
Wednesday: 16 oz apple (267), 15 oz banana (392), beer (110), 3 oz champagne (63), 10 slices lemon (27), 2 recovery formula (440), had grilled chicken sandwhich and turkey sandwhich, going to call is 960 calories, although it's probably much much less, Dove dark chocolate (42), 2301 total calories consumed, 3341 calories burned, 1040 deficit
Thursday: 3 protein bars (630), 16 oz apple (267), 7.5 oz banana (196), 2 Dove Dark Chocolate (84), 3 egg whites (48), 2 Flatout Bread (180), peanuts (301), 2 slices wheat bread (130), total 1836 calories consumed, 3175 calories burned, 1339 deficit
Friday: 8 oz apple (133), 12 oz banana (312), Dove dark chocolate (42), 3 cheese wraps (450), Yogurt with nuts (estimating 400 calories), recovery powder (220), couscous (600), total 2157 calories consumed, 2775 calories burned, 618 deficit.
Saturday: 15 oz banana (390),
5244 deficit in 5 days, hitting goal, and I was out and about in a different state without supermarkets, so I'm calling it a win.
Eventful week. Let's take it a day at a time, a lot of stuff to write about.
SUNDAY: Schwinn Indoor Cycle training. I'll go ahead and describe the day then write my thoughts on it. It was pretty much split between sitting on the floor and on the bike. We learned how to quick fit the bike and how to do a fuller fit, and after the fuller fit where they set me up to numbers that fit me well I discovered I had been using the right numbers after all. Learned a trick where the pedals go at 3 and 9 and you put your heel flush with the pedal and use a washer to make sure the knee and the middle of the pedal are on a straight line. We had about a ride and a half and the rest of the time was bookwork.
Here's one of the most important lessons I learned in that class. You may be the only compliment that person gets the whole week. You never know when you'll have the opportunity, the gift really, to change someone's life. We don't give ourselves credit for all the power we have in creating changing in the world. Just that simple concept for being grateful for having the chance to someone's life and be that one positive person they can count on week after week.
During the second ride the trainer did one of the best cycle classes I've ever seen. She likened going up a hill in spin as going through a problem in life. You can either go up the hill or around it, but once you climb that first hill, you find it in you to go another hill, and yet another, and another, and slowly you become someone who goes up hills instead of around them, and in the same token you become someone who faces problems head on instead of ignoring them, and this whole philosophy jibes with me. Also the whole gym/life parallel.
She also did something else that was really cool, and that was to allow us to use the song right before the cool down to do whatever we wanted, to go into our heads, which I thought was perfect after that particular class, and I enjoyed having that time to myself in class with everyone around me.
Those were the main things I got out of cycle, and oh, the best song in the world, Alive by Meatloaf (and I hear it's a total change in style for him). That has become my life anthem.
But the whole you can be the only compliment that person hears that week, that was powerful. And the second ride reenergized my drive to keep going up all the time.
On to the rest of the week. Boot Camp gets blurry by now so I really will be better about updating it daily. This week was just crazy with three certifications in an eight day period. So I'm not going to have as detailed BC impressions. But a highlight of the week is that I ran a mile in 9:25. Going for under 9 on Monday. On Friday we went up hills with a tire tied behind our back and I made it all the way to the top. That was nice. I had to sit down on the way back and I want to work on getting down rocky hills (small pebbles all over) standing without falling, I have a fear of slipping on rocks (since I was little).
The Zumba trip was absolutely totally awesome and yet another life-changing experience. And I find myself calling every day a life-changing experience but I think this whole journey has changed me in a way that I just find lessons in everyday things, and I'm more open to life period, so maybe I'm just attracting them (as much as I think The Laws of Attraction is a bogus concept). We left Tuesday afternoon and got there around 7p (left around 2p). Unloaded and went to dinner.
In this trip I had to eat out a lot. And it really is a whole change in mentality. When I get to my goal weight and muscle I'm going to have to teach myself to eat normally, and even that is going to be an adjustment. But I was happy how the trip turned out food-wise without a refrigerator or supermarkets. Tuesday I had a grilled chicken sandwhich and fruit bowl for dinner. I was blown away in that restaurants that offer fruit bowls will most of the time allow you to substitute your fries with fruit. That was awesome. On Wednesday I had a lunch of a turkey sandwhich and for dinner I had a grilled chicken sandwhich. On Thursday I had a breakfast of three egg whites with two slices of wheat bread and black coffee with Splenda which was wonderful. Any meals not mentioned were protein bars, apples, bananas, my usual fare. Even had alcohol, 3 oz champagne and 2 55 calorie beers.
On Wednesday we spent all day in the training then that night we went to the beach and I climbed some rocks. On Thursday morning back to the beach and climbing some more rocks and beach running and a lot of walking. The view was amazing. We had breakfast on Thursday morning overlooking the ocean and that breathtaking. I enjoyed every second of that trip.
The training itself was great and it really drove home how simple Zumba is to teach and to choreograph, and how we shouldn't make it a difficult process or do difficult choreography. Learned how to dissect a song. Took it with the creator of Zumba, Beto, and I got two main things out of that training: If you doubt, you die. Take life by the horns. And that saying helped me in a seminar I had Friday night (more on that later). The other one is how you can take any exercise you do in class and do it halfsies or do it all the way and to just go all the way on it, so that's just reinforcing a message I've been getting a lot lately. Now I take gym classes boot camp style, and I go all out of them. I give it my all just for the warmup and it's all I can do now to get through the class because I'm not reserving anything.
But here's the best thing that training gave to me. I was on the stage with a group of people, and each of us picked a move, and there were over 100 people down there following my one move. During AFAA I lost my fear of performing in front of people. During Zumba, I gained a love for it. I want more of that. And I think it was great to have AFAA first and then Zumba. EVERYTHING I've done has built up to the next thing and I have gotten things just when I needed them.
On Friday night I went to a BodyJam and BodyAttack info seminar where LVAC checks you out and then tells you if you want to teach for them. For some reason it seems that LVAC is more touchy-feeling with the whole changing lives things than 24HF is. They talked and what they said is what I say in this blog, they speak my language. But 24HF will always a special place in my heart. And we got into mini-groups and we had to introduce ourselves and lately I still get nervous but something switches on and I get over it and go. They asked me why I wanted to teach and I gave them a mini version of how I got started and how group classes changed my life (I conveniently left out I was a 24HF girl) and it was great, it just flowed out.
So that catches us up to the present. willPower and Grace training Sunday. Taking Saturday and Sunday off from work. That finishes the trainings for now (and hopefully restarts in April with both Les Mills ones (the LVAC ones)). I will be better in writing about Boot Camp daily because I really do learn something each day and I love it.
Started ChaLean Extreme Deluxe yesterday with cyber-friend Christina (FB friend). Looking forward to doing it with someone. Don't like the first routine of 9, but sticking with it. Time to build some muscle. Since 3/1 not only did I not lose any weight, I gained 2.5 lbs, up to 149 lbs right now.
SUNDAY NIGHT: Saturday morning brought Boot Camp. We ran up and down a hill for 50 minutes, some of it backwards, crab crawls, bear crawls, etc. Then I threw around a weighted tube for awhile, used a heavy sandbag for dead lifts, did skull crushers with a 15 lb weight, and did chest presses and flyes with 2 15-lb weights. Boot camp has shown me that I can lift more than I can. Saturday Boot Camp always wears me out more than M-F boot camp. Then I went to Julie's TKB, which was awesome. First time with her, but I had heard wonderful things about her, and they were true. Then slept a little, then went to see Clint Holmes perform, then off to bed to prepare for Sunday's training. CED (ChaLean Extreme Deluxe) had a rest day for Saturday. Today Sunday I was at an all-day training for willPower and Grace, and tonight I do CED Burn Circuit Two and thinking about doing a Zumba.
So I went to the person who decides who teaches at 24HF and asked her how much lead time she needed to schedule an audition, and she said that they had a surplus of instructors right now and not really hiring and there would be no point in auditioning if I can't get classes and to take my time preparing. So pretty much "Don't bother." So there's the second training out of five that finds me crying in the bathroom. I swear I didn't used to be this emotional before.
There's one thing that hasn't changed about me. I hate being told no. Can't stand it. And it pisses me off more than anything in the whole entire world. You want me determined to do something no matter what? Tell me I can't do it. So now I have to prepare the most kickass, mind-blowing cycle class in the history of the world and give her an audition she won't soon forget. I'm going to create a class so special, she will have no choice but to hire me. Now all that's left is to create such a class. I'm blessed in that Denise, who did our training, has agreed to mentor me from Utah. Will even tape myself doing a class (by myself) and uploading it to YouTube for her to critique. I love the Internet.
So I learned two things about me today, and in the spirit of truthfulness, here they are. Maybe they will help somebody else. I never said I was doing things right, the purpose of this blog has always been to share the experience, good or bad. It's a window to what someone went through in a particular moment in time. I'll start with the second thing because it was the most striking. I've been feeling people pulling away, and I haven't been able to figure out why. And someone told me today that it was because I act with fitness like someone acts with a new boyfriend - I want to tell everybody every single detail about it. And to draw people to you you talk to them about themselves, not you. So maybe I've been oversharing on Facebook and in real life. I almost feel like I should post a message on Facebook apologizing. So from now on this blog is going to be my outlet for all my fitness endeavors and I'm going to stop posting about it on Facebook and talking about it, and I'm going to start focusing on other people. Thanks Rubi for telling me what other people have probably been thinking for a while and something I honestly didn't realize myself until it was pointed out to me. I make a commitment to myself to change that starting right now.
The other thing I learned is that maybe I have a problem with exercise. Someone told me I should slow down for a while and I told him I couldn't, that I loved my three hours of exercise a day, and he said that if I couldn't do that then maybe I have a problem. Also said I shouldn't be having 1K deficits, but I decided to have them anyway. He's a personal trainer in fantastic shape.
That's the one theme. I don't know if I'm doing things right or wrong, but they're my choice and the way I chose to do it and I always want to have control over my own body.
Sunday was the training for willPower and Grace. I am so not in shape. That training was described as cardio for mind-body people but I think it should be described as mind-body for cardio people. I hate yoga and don't care for Pilates but I could embrace wP&G. Going to do it on my two CED rest days and Sundays, and hopefully I get better. I really enjoyed the class and I got a class on DVD as part of the program. The message I got from it was I AM. Doesn't matter where you are of who you are, embrace it. And pay attention to how you act when you don't think people are looking. Not as life-changing as cycle, AFAA, or Zumba, but gave me a mind-body class I can do and a message of positiveness.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Boot Camp Las Vegas Info Post - only interesting to me.
I need a place to keep all this info together, so this is mostly for me, and it's all available at their website http://www.bootcamplasvegas.com/.
MISSION HILLS:
Directions: Take 93/95 515 South to College Drive (Exit 57)
Turn West (right) on College Drive 551 E. Mission
Dr. (Mission Dr. & College Dr.)
Founder and President
Julie Johnston
Director of Operations
Whitney Prewitt
2010 Instructors:
Jeff Smith: Henderson, 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Tayra Lagomarsino: Summerlin 6-7 AM
Mike Mercado: SW 7-8 PM
John Johnston:
NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM; 9:30-10:30 AM;
Summerlin 6-7 PM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Stephanie Szymanski: NW 6-7 PM
Jodi Sabal: SW 5-6 AM, Saturday Adventures
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
Julie Johnston: Summerlin; 5-6 AM;
Henderson 6-7 PM; Special Sessions,
and will make an appearance at all classes
one time or another.
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Henderson Saturday Class
Carie Baker: SW 9:30-10:30 AM;
Summerlin 6-7 PM
MONDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
TUESDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
WEDNESDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
THURSDAY
John Johnston: NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
FRIDAY
John Johnston: NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
SATURDAY
Jodi Sabal: Saturday Adventures
3/1-7: 19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/8-14: Missing Tuesday (3), Wednesday (3), Thursday (5), 3+4+1.5 = 8.5 hours, 8 classes
3/15-21: 19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/22-28: 19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/29-31: 9 hours, 9 classes
74 classes. Going to try to leave late Tuesday to make it to the morning class and to get here early Thursday to add the two night classes, adding 3 to the mix for a total of 77.
MISSION HILLS:
Directions: Take 93/95 515 South to College Drive (Exit 57)
Turn West (right) on College Drive 551 E. Mission
Dr. (Mission Dr. & College Dr.)
Founder and President
Julie Johnston
Director of Operations
Whitney Prewitt
2010 Instructors:
Jeff Smith: Henderson, 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Tayra Lagomarsino: Summerlin 6-7 AM
Mike Mercado: SW 7-8 PM
John Johnston:
NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM; 9:30-10:30 AM;
Summerlin 6-7 PM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Stephanie Szymanski: NW 6-7 PM
Jodi Sabal: SW 5-6 AM, Saturday Adventures
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
Julie Johnston: Summerlin; 5-6 AM;
Henderson 6-7 PM; Special Sessions,
and will make an appearance at all classes
one time or another.
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Henderson Saturday Class
Carie Baker: SW 9:30-10:30 AM;
Summerlin 6-7 PM
MONDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
TUESDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
WEDNESDAY
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
THURSDAY
John Johnston: NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
Judy Greene: Henderson 7-8 PM
FRIDAY
John Johnston: NW 5-6AM; 6-7 AM
Eyes Willson: Henderson 9:30-10:30 AM
Debbie Corwin: Henderson 6-7 PM;
SATURDAY
Jodi Sabal: Saturday Adventures
3/1-7: 19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/8-14: Missing Tuesday (3), Wednesday (3), Thursday (5), 3+4+1.5 = 8.5 hours, 8 classes
3/15-21: 19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/22-28: 19.5 hours, 19 classes
3/29-31: 9 hours, 9 classes
74 classes. Going to try to leave late Tuesday to make it to the morning class and to get here early Thursday to add the two night classes, adding 3 to the mix for a total of 77.
Certifications.
- Saturday 2/13/10 - AFAA primary group - awaiting results (Las Vegas, NV)
- Saturday 2/20/10 - TurboKick - PASSED (Las Vegas, NV with Linda Pramshafer)
- Sunday 3/7/10 - Schwinn Indoor Cycle (Las Vegas, NV, with Denise Druce), Certificate of Completion
- Wednesday 3/10/10 - Zumba Basic (San Diego with Beto Perez) - Certificate of Completion
- Sunday 03/14/10 - willPower and Grace (Las Vegas, NV)
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